To think the school should do something?

[Bwahaha]

My children go to a primary school in London with children from diverse national and religious backgrounds. There are no rules around what food parents are allowed to bring into the classroom except the usual ban on nuts.
As a result, children are constantly getting a ton of treats: it really adds up with more than twenty birthdays, lots of national, international, and religious holidays. Once the class rep even brought cupcakes to celebrate their dog’s birthday.
Last week alone my child had fairy bread for Australia day heaped with hundreds and thousands, a cake takeaway, and a massive cupcake with tons of sugar cream for someone’s birthday the next day. As you can imagine, they simultaneously took a 3 day holiday from dinner.

AIBU to think the school leadership are missing in action here? And should maybe help the parents understand this is not ok?
Also, if you’re a parent, knowing what we know about sugar today, do you really think it’s ok to give other people’s kids treats all the time without asking?

I fully agree with this. It's a great idea. Our school doesn't allow sweets/cakes etc brought into school so the kids bring in a class set of Haribo at the end of the day and stand to one side, and we're all pre-warned in the class WhatsApp so we can avoid them if needed (aside from the fact that many MNers think the teachers can't be reasonably expected to zip/unzip coats for reception kids, so where are they supposed to find time in the school day to hand out all these bloody cakes).

DS has serious dental problems due to a health condition, I would be really pissed off if they were letting my four year old have so much sugar and while I do think kids should learn to stop eating, I absolutely don't think it's reasonable to expect a small child to self-regulate in that situation when all his friends are doing it and his teacher in a position of authority is condoning it. Most adults would struggle to restrain themselves in that situation. Those who believe otherwise have never read Stanley Milgram's social influence experiments from the 70s.

I would agree with this @Yesnosorryplease .

I don't disagree with the OP about the school issue - it's a difficult one, and schools will get parents making requests or complaining about this kind of thing regardless of the stance they take. Ban sweets/cake for birthdays or celebrations, some parents will complain. Allow sweets/cake for birthdays or celebrations, some parents will complain. Encourage alternatives to be brought in for birthdays or celebrations, some parents will complain. Do a dress up day, some parents will complain, don't do a dress up day, some parents will complain, support a charity initiative, some parents will complain, don't support a charity initiative, some parents will complain, and so on, and so on, and so on. Can you tell I work in a school office and (wearily) field these kind of queries all.the.time?

Although I do think the cakes brought in for a dog's birthday is UTTERLY batshit and should not have been allowed.

But it's an issue that will be wider than school, for the entirety of our children's lives, and taking a sensible moderate view on it will help your DC far more than a vocal outrage about sugar.

fairy bread is bread with hundreds and thousands. It’s more something you would have at a birthday party not really Australia Day.

very few Australians celebrate Australia Day now. There is a big push to change the date to something less insensitive. It’s kind of a divisive issue, there is a vocal minority who are in favour of keeping the date.

YANBU we had this a couple of years ago at my daughter's school but the management quickly put a stop to it. I think the decision was more because parents were feeling pressured to bring in treats and party bags for their chn when some clearly couldn't afford to - it's all unnecessary sugar and plastic anyhow so I felt it was the right choice. Birthday parties are for those things and then at least the parents have a choice about how many birthday parties they are happy for their child to attend. I would raise the health and social pressure issues with the Headteacher or Deputy (whoever you feel is more proactive) via e-mail so you don't get fobbed off.

Those who think OP is being a fun sponge are the reason the NHS is buckling under the strain of all these obese children and adults with long term chronic illnesses and later life issues all directly linked to lifelong over-intake of sugar. It is not the child's fault, it's society aiding and abetting in this excess. We need to stop normalising this nonsense and escalating it with more reasons to make children think cakes are part of an ordinary day.

When I was at school, literally no one ever would have dreamed of bringing cake in, the teachers never would have let it happen. When so many adults struggle to stop, why do people want today's kids to have an even worse relationship with food? Is it a case of misery loves company?

Of course it's you who gets to decide. You can say to the school you don't want your child to have the sugary stuff if it's distributed. To be honest I think the main issue is the rubbish the school serve up at meal times, there is absolutely no need to have a cake or pudding with every meal. Sweet treats to me should be about a celebration, not something that accompanies every meal.

It always amuses me how people talk about the obesity crisis and how children were so much better in the 70s/80s.

Well, we had a tuck shop with crisps and sweets and full-of-artificial rubbish drinks, and cans. And lots of children bought stuff every day.
Of those who brought things in from home, one thing that was very popular was jelly squares. That's a strip of the squares from the stuff you make jelly from. Bringing in fruit was definitely unusual. There was squash with school lunches, sugary puddings covered in custard, chips most days, and many children had money to buy sweets on the way home from school. We'd have biscuits with our milk, and the teachers often gave a sweet as a reward. My dm used to meet us every day with a cake to eat on the walk home, and she wasn't the only mum who did that.
I remember one day the head walking into assembly with a box of lollies for everyone. I think someone had donated them, but can't quite remember. We all sat there sucking them while he explained we had them during assembly because you shouldn't run with one in your mouth so he didn't want to give them at lunch/break. Maybe they were just a teaching aid?
And there wasn't an obesity crisis.

Now we restrict foods round schools, hospitals. Complain if the children are given a cake or sweets. School dinners only offer water, and chips are frown upon (I remember my dc's junior school used to do fish and mashed potato instead of fish and chips) and I don't know a school that still has a tuck shop. And I see no sign of the obesity crisis reducing.

So it clearly has far more to do with something else, probably the less active lifestyle has at least something to do with it, than these things. Maybe even by making them forbidden we're increasing the issue.

To the Op, I don't think one cake means your dc doesn't eat dinner for 3 days unless you're talking about a 6" one. But if you think it does then give your dc a box and tell them any treats like that go into the box and they can have them after dinner.

I think dog's birthday is silly, especially as you can guarantee that at least one dc has gone home and asked when their goldfish's birthday is and can they take something in, but I don't think the other things are that unreasonable.

Why not when it gets to your dc's birthday send them with a non-food alternative? I always sent mine with stickers, and they loved giving everyone a sticker at the end of the day. A few other parents picked it up too. I did it because my dbro had an allergy to azo-dyes in the 80s before anyone thought of E102/E110 etc being a problem and they were in every sweet, so he couldn't ever have treats like that. Actually I did very well out of that because he'd normally give them to me. 🤣

Yabu
Sugar isn't an evil thing to be avoided. Children need some sugar but it needs to be balanced with other food groups. It's not healthy for growing children to follow the same rules for healthy eating as adults do. They shouldn't ban the treats but could perhaps introduce a rule that treats can only be distributed after lunch and that you have to have eaten your veggies at lunch time in order to get the treat? Or if the school can't manage the logistics of that you could have a family rule that if there was a sweet treat at school yesterday you have to have a savory no-sugar breakfast next morning?

OMG @MargaretThursday you have just reminded me of the epic tuckshop available at my junior school in the late 70s/early 80s. 3p blackcurrant lollies, Highland Toffee bars for 10p, sugar rice puff sweets for 5p, if you were feeling healthy you could get Shake-n-Salt crisps for 5p too. Then you could buy a 10p mix up from the sweet shop on your way home.

Glorious (but shocking at the same time, looking back).

Not saying that we should go back to those days by any stretch, but agree with you that this is about more than sugar restriction. Suspect that the more sedentary lives that so many DC and parents lead now (sitting in front of a screen or with a tablet/phone in their hand) has as much to do with it as sugar consumption does.

very few Australians celebrate Australia Day now. There is a big push to change the date to something less insensitive. It’s kind of a divisive issue, there is a vocal minority who are in favour of keeping the date

@Neodymium What an expert. Not sure you are fully across this one 🤔. Most people, no matter where they have come from or background want to celebrate being Australian. When you say no one celebrates, most do but not in the same way as before. All beaches are still packed. Lots of backyard barbies all over the place. Just not the tacky paraphernalia we all used to trot out, that’s gone. But spending a great day at the beach or around the barbie with friends has not changed.

It’s the date that is the issue. It’s also NOT a vocal minority who want to keep the date - so get your facts straight. It’s an overwhelming majority that can’t agree on a NEW date that’s the issue. Some want 1st Jan as that’s our Federation date, but that’s already a public holiday (New Year), so we lose a public holiday. Then some want May 8th as a play on ‘Mate’, but the weathers pathetic then so no beach or barbies, and basically we can’t celebrate being Australian without these. Ditto with those that want July as the date (why? middle of freakin winter, what good is that). Also, schools have always gone back after Australia Day, so if we take another day close to this to give us useable weather, the kids will be back for a week and then off for a public holiday, which is too disruptive when starting up the school year. So no one can agree on a new date, hence it’s unlikely to be moved. Nothing to do with some vocal racist minority as you make out 🙄.

There's no restriction on foods brought in at DDs school, everyone sends in cupcakes or haribo for birthdays. But that's it, not for x day or y celebration. Things like that would be organised by the school instead of or as part of lunch, rather than as an extra snack.

But birthday treats are given out right at the end of the day after they've all got coats on - that way parents can intercept it before it gets eaten. I usually ask DD to give it to me and she has it for pudding after dinner. Sometimes it gets cut in half if it's a big cake with lots of icing.

Perhaps a halfway request from you OP would be for treats to be given out so that parents can decide when they're eaten, rather than them being eaten during the day. That way you can control it to a greater degree than you can at the moment without causing a blanket ban.

We have so many allergies in our school eggs, dairy etc that school have banned food being brought in as there will be some children who can't eat it

@HoppingPavlova I’m Australian 🙄 I think you aren’t across it. Yes the beaches are packed but cause it a public holiday not to celebrate anything.

You be a parent and say no.If your opinion is the consensus, then others will follow suit.If other parents don't agree then you have no right to push your views on them

I'm quite surprised the school allows this anyway for their own sakes. Surely all those crumbs, dropped hundreds of thousands and abandoned bits of cake are a bit of cleaning nightmare?

That’s a great angle!
I am now even more surprised. There must be an army of mice having a party in school after hours!

It may be that the school doesn’t want to say no to parents because they pay the fees and may have some sense of entitlement associated with that.
“We pay the fees so we can bring cake if we want to and you need to clean up / manage the sugar highs / disgruntled parents who think that’s a problem / etc”. It must be so much easier for teachers to not have to interrupt class for birthdays or take extra time to coordinate with parents who want to bring in a cake for whatever reason.

Does your school let the kids eat these treats in school? Because if so I think that would be the easiest thing to tackle; suggest they give these treats out at the end of the day as the kids are going home. This gives control back to the parents and eases the burden of allergy-awareness on the school whilst still allowing people to feel good about providing treats.

This is what our school (and I'm pretty sure most schools) do. My kids know they aren't allowed to eat the treat until they've checked with me - and then I can decide. A fun-sized choc bar, I'll probably let them eat it on the way home. A huge cupcake? I'll suggest they leave it till after dinner - and then share it with their sibling or a parent. A big treat on a day when we have plans like baking or whatever? I'll either tell them no or ask them 'do you want to eat that or do you want to bake with me at home?'

I find this interesting because my diet as a child, and that of my siblings and contemporaries was 1000% worse than our DC's! Not necessarily the sugar front but we were fed huge amounts of white bread, potatoes, proper butter, weird 'new' convenience foods like findus pancakes etc and my DC have so many varied fresh fruit and veg etc.

The obesity crisis is far more complex than children having the occasional bag of haribo after school. Like so many public health issues, the children most affected are those who are disadvantaged in many ways. It may be these children who need more communal celebrations, fun and treats at school, not less, so just banning things isn't necessarily the way to go.

My DM is a primary teacher and she only allows kids to bring in food on the Friday of their "birthday week" which works well as it's usually the day before any party so they're still excited. In this case it could be each Friday of event week only. Each child is allowed one item, the rest gets returned to the family. They will soon learn to bring less! You could suggest to the class teacher as a compromise?

Special brownies as in hash brownies?

I'm wondering what school it is 😋. My class give out sweets on their birthday but usually just a very small pack of Haribo or Moam. Never cake or outlandish treats sometimes it's things like pencils and lots don't do anything.

Our school have a ban on bringing treats like this into school. Occasionally kids will offer them around in the playground (more individual sweets rather than cakes), and I've taught my kids to ask me first (most kids usually go around asking parents if they would like one for their child tbh!)

Also a very diverse London school here!

I would have loved this as a kid as I couldn't eat the repulsive school dinners! I don't remember there ever being treats at school back then. It seems a bit excessive, and if it's stopping your kids from eating their evening meal that's not good. Talk to the school gently about it, there must be other parents who would rather have more control over what their kids eat (beyond a school lunch/ pack lunch). I guess there could be a few poorer kids in the class who rely on all those snacks to fill up on, they may not have a big enough meal at home. But that's not healthy either.

Bringing food into school (apart from your own lunch box every day - school meals aren’t widespread here) is not a thing where I live. Thankfully!