It’s a long one!
OP - YANBU.
No, it’s not normal to not have any snacks between the standard three main meals per day.
I was born in the mid 70s, working class household with two working parents. I think the fact that both of my parents worked made a difference to how much food was in the home as lack of food was never an issue. I was allowed to snack between meals. After school snacks were standard and I was skinny (genetics and metabolism also have a huge bearing). Snacking can be healthy if you eat the right snacks and in moderation. I can’t recall, but I’m sure I used to ask permission to eat snacks as that was how I was brought up, and I have taught my DC to do the same. This is mainly for meal planning and also to ensure they are not overdoing it with the less healthy snacks.
I would never help myself to food in anyone else’s home without asking first, even my parent’s home. That would rude.
I went from skinny to slim after having my first DC my 20s. I had another two DCs a lot later and I’m still slim. I was a sporty child and didn’t think about food consumption. I ate if I was hungry. I have fond memories of my father collecting me from school always with a Ribena drink (way too sweet but acceptable back in the day!), a piece of fruit and a packet of nuts. My parents cooked dinner with fresh ingredients most evenings and I never went to bed hungry. I don’t have a strict exercise routine as I find it boring, but I try to walk a lot. I walk around the park on my weekly day off and I sometimes run when DC is at the track. When I do have time for structured exercise, I also focus on exercise that strengthens my core, e.g., Pilates and dance classes.
I enjoy eating, but I can make a large bar of chocolate last a week. I couldn’t eat a whole packet of biscuits in one sitting without feeling sick. 3-4 biscuits every 2-3 days is enough for me. I love crisps and most probably eat too much of those. I mainly WFH so I snack a lot more than when I’m in the office, although I do bring healthy and not so healthy snacks from home when working at the office. I always eat lunch. I sometimes it eat it later than planned, but I always eat lunch.
So, our youngest two DC are very tall for their ages at 9 and 13, heavily involved in sports and always hungry. Our 13yo is now taller than me and I’m 5’8”. DH is over 6ft and also involved in sports. Our DC have grown fast and are still growing. They need more food, compared to their peers because their bodies are growing fast and they exercise a lot. They are allowed to eat not so healthy foods, but this is monitored. Eg, no junk food before lunchtime. Pizza and chips no more than twice a week for the DC (inclu. once a week at school). Burgers once pw. As a child, I was only allowed to eat sweets during the weekend. I tried this with our own DC, but they are not really bothered about sweets and mainly want chocolate and cakes. It’s obviously hard to police this with our 13 yo as they have access to shops before and after school. We simply try to encourage our DC to not consume too much junk food and provide them with healthy alternatives. Everything in moderation is how I look at it. Our adult DC is also slim
and they are an average height.
After school, our DC are allowed to eat a maximum of 5 biscuits no more than every other day, but only after having cereal, a sandwich, fruit, toast, crumpets, nuts, yogurts, etc. We have a constant supply of fruit and DC do not have to ask permission to eat fruit, I guess because we encourage them to eat a piece of fruit or veg when they say they are hungry between meals. Our DC will eat a raw carrot without asking.
I cook dinner using fresh ingredients at least 4 times pw. Not cooking nutritious meals at least a few times pw is not an excuse due to working. I also batch cook where I can.
I tend to eat breakfast late morning as I’m just not hungry enough to eat it any earlier. Our DC often do the same. They take healthy snacks to school to eat on their way to school or during their mid morning school breaks.
Large proportion sizes are a major problem in weight gain. I had to raise this as an issue with the nursery our youngest two DC attended, at least twice. I had arrived to collect DC early during the lunchtime session and was horrified at the amount of food that had been dished up. The children were also allowed to have seconds if they asked. One of the Nursery Managers and a few of the other nursery workers were overweight. A few of them would have been considered obese and just didn’t understand where I was coming from. I plainly and simply advised them on the portion size we thought was adequate for our DC and that they were not to be given seconds. The nursery also employed a Cook and had scheduled enough food breaks throughout the nursery day, which included fruit and vegetables. There were periods when the Nursery Cook was off and other nursery workers, including the overweight managers prepared and served the food - this clearly was the problem.
Now, my mum came from a big with family with lots of siblings and food was in poor supply. She was a skinny child who grew into a slim adult, and feels that her body development was hampered due to the lack of food. She is a slim adult but has hang ups about certain areas of her body, i.e, legs too skinny. I don’t remember my mum’s feelings about food having an impact on me as a child. I think this is the case as my mum figured it all out as an older adult. Although, my mum has made comments over the years re. how little food we gave our always hungry DC when they were a toddler, and now she makes negative comments about how this same DC eats too much. We as adults brush off her comments as we see how her childhood experience has informed her view around food, although her comments have upset our DC. We have attempted to nip it in the bud by addressing my mum’s comments immediately with my mum, and explaining how body shaming comments can dent a young person’s insecurities around food and lead to ED issues. Especially when that child already is a lot taller, is a girl going through puberty and is already more developed than their peers.
OP - You’ll have to re-learn everything about food and how it fuels our bodies. Research nutritious foods and its value. Exercise if you’re not already doing so. It won’t be easy. Start with lots of walking. Maybe also look into getting some therapy to work through it. Good luck.