DD’s behaviour at neighbours house

[Cantbelieveitslightatthistime]

Dh just picked Dd, 5 up from neighbour friends house and said the mum was sort of telling them off. Dd was throwing rocks into their pool and said their dc was throwing rocks at the cat (the mum didn’t see this)
As Dh was taking Dd to go, she shoved her hand into a bowl of chocolates and took them (didn’t ask or hadn’t been offered them)
How would you address this?

Well I wouldn't have let her take any chocolate, for a start, and if she'd already taken some I'd have told her to put them back.

So how did your DH address it at the time?!

On my watch, she’d have been told to replace the chocolates immediately and apologise, told to apologise about throwing rocks and offer to make amends.

When you say pool do you mean a swimming pool? Why were two 5 year olds allowed unsupervised near it is where I’d start.
Then I’d take the chocolate away, no sweets this week as a punishment.

But I’d be far more worried about kids near a pool.

@PermanentIyExhaustedPigeon Yes same, I said this to Dh, he said he said this to her and the mum kindly said ‘Don’t worry it’s fine, she can have them’
I feel so embarrassed

I'd eat the chocolate and say in future, ask.

I said to Dh about the pool, he thinks I’m overreacting

I would talk to dd about manners and in the thank ypu text to the mum i would apologise about dd's behaviour.

A telling off would be in order, no?

And the child taken around to apologise for their behaviour

I would want to know why two five year olds were unattended around a pool and a cat, for starters.

The chocolate thing should have been addressed at the time.

@lifeispainauchocolat This is what I’m saying to Dh and he’s getting annoyed with me?! Why was no one watching them to see them chucking stones at the cat and by the pool?

If it was my 5yo I’d get him to write a sorry letter with a picture for the neighbours

Don't let the neighbour babysit/host playdates any more. Unattended 5yo near a pool is a drowning risk - and I say this as the mum who never uses reins and got trashed on another thread for being "reckless"! Even I draw the line at letting kids play near a pool unattended...!

They would be told off, punished, e.g. removing a privilege and be told to apologise

Right then and there i would of told her to put the chocolates back and apologise, but that's done now. Have a chat with her and explain to her about manners and expectations when visiting other people's houses. If she can not behave accordingly tell her that she won't be allowed to visit other people's houses anymore.

It also sounds like the other dc is a bad influence. Or your dd is a bad influence on him. Either way not good playmates

I'd take away the chocolates firstly and text the mum to apologise.

Honestly, I'd be really angry to find that my 5yo was left unsupervised in a situation like that.

I don't think I'd let her go around to play again, tbh.

Absolutely normal child boundary pushing behaviour, though of course should have been corrected and stopped by the adults as it happened. No point in going on about it now, try to have a chat with the neighbour about the pool though, see what actually happened there, because if they were able to access a pool long enough to throw rocks, it was also long enough to drown. Might not be a safe environment if there's low supervision.

You can both discipline your child and raise concerns about pool safety. They're not mutually exclusive.

Have you or your husband seen the pool? Is it a swimming pool or a fish pond?
Either way, you now know that young children are getting up to mischief and are not being supervised safely around a body of water. My 5 year old would not be going back there.

Taking the chocolates did make me smile, sorry. Kids when they're pissed off are dead funny. 😂

(Obviously you can't let them see that it's funny tho!)

I'd make her write a sorry note also and take a box of chocs to apologise.
And she'd probably not be returning because it sounds unsafe and just not a good match if they're encouraging one another to throw rocks and the cat.

5 is very young, this is where she learns to how to behave now, don't be embarrassed, it's an opportunity to teach her what is acceptable etc, just be very firm but fair, she has to apologise, she can't eat the heisted chocolate and you tell her lobbing stones at animals is very mean and she's kind to animals, not mean. It'll be fine!

And what about your child's behaviour, would you even bother your arse to tell her off or is it a case of she can do no wrong and will never be made to take responsibility for actions?

I'd make her write an apology note and not let her attend unaccompanied playdates at that house again. The neighbour doesn't sound like they're providing good enough supervision to let DD go alone.

Fucking little bastard throwing rocks at a cat. Mine would have got a sore backside for that (not that they'd have ever done it in a million years).
Your child was a brat but at least not cruel.

@JMSA I know…he’s actually a really nice boy, but this is the second time he’s done something mean to his cat and his dog once before. Dd was adamant he started it and did it first, Dh and I were really firm with her about this and she got quite upset. Is it a normal phase to be mean to animals, I find it worrying. I told Dd that because he does it doesn’t mean she should and that she should say to him it’s not nice to do that to animals