DD’s behaviour at neighbours house

[Cantbelieveitslightatthistime]

Dh just picked Dd, 5 up from neighbour friends house and said the mum was sort of telling them off. Dd was throwing rocks into their pool and said their dc was throwing rocks at the cat (the mum didn’t see this)
As Dh was taking Dd to go, she shoved her hand into a bowl of chocolates and took them (didn’t ask or hadn’t been offered them)
How would you address this?

@Cantbelieveitslightatthistime sorry, I think I've misread, your DD didn't also throw stones at that cat? Just into the pool?

Kids usually want to trap pets in the living room against their will and force them into being best pals, not chuck rocks at them. It's a problem neighbour has shown signs of being cruel to pets, I know animal cruelty is emotive however it isn't typical for kids to want to intentionally harm animals.

Will get flamed, but no it’s not normal to be mean to animals and if the dog had bitten he would be pts 🙄
I wasn’t mean to animals. DD wasn’t mean either. We teach respect.

My child wouldn’t be having another play date there. 5 is too young for unsupervised playing, especially around water.

@Lwrenn She said she didn’t and her friend started it by throwing rocks at the cat, she said she was throwing rocks into the pool, Dh said they were both overexcited, but overtired.
Another time when Dh picked her up, he said they (well the boy really was holding one of his dogs laughing and hitting it (sort of playing) Dh is a massive dog lover/animal lover so was quite upset and we then also had a big talk with Dd
Should I tell the mum about her son? She’s a neighbour so I don’t want bad relations, he’s actually a really sweet boy, I don’t understand it

You will at the very least have to say to her that your dd won't be going around there again because of the pool issue. You can also say that your dd has told you that he is being cruel to the animals.

I wouldn't let her continue playing with a boy who is being cruel to animals. No, that is absolutely not normal.

No, don't speak to her about her child's behaviour. It won't go down well and will sound like you're making excuses for your DD.

However, I would not let your DD play round there without you any more. To the other parent you can frame it as consequences for her behaviour there but it sounds like there are a few issues with the boy's behaviour and lack of supervision that would mean I wouldn't want to let her go round alone any more.

Unfenced pools are statistically more dangerous than guns. Would be better OK with DD going to a house with unsecured firearms?

@TheBayLady

Yes, I would have said something to my child about their behaviour, but I'm also not going to blame a 5yo entirely because they should have been being supervised by a parent, not left to their own devices around a swimming pool.

Mum is lucky that rocks in the pool is the only disaster, because she could easily have been dealing with a drowned child.

This is going to sound very over dramatic, but the cruelty to animals is a HUGE red flag for future behaviour

The animal thing is odd and I wouldn't like it at all.
I'd have to check on the " pool" situation too before my daughter went back to play.
To be honest I probably wouldn't send her back because I would have lost faith in the general supervision.

DH dealt with it appropriately & sounds like yu agree.
Red flags -
Pool unsupervised by adult - definitely don't let your child go there again. Drowning stats support this fully.
Cruelty to animals - absolutely not 'normal ' behaviour for boys to be treating pets like this, quite the opposite.
Likely the parents know exactly what their son's behaviour is like & are in denial. Speaking to them will not change this but just cause issues in your relationship with them as neighbours.

Absolutely.
This is not a 'nice' kid.

This is the confusing part as he genuinely is really nice and a kind boy, very calm and great with my Dd, who is pretty hyper and loud
I was really shocked to hear about the cat, I definitely don’t want my Dd to be influenced by him, could that happen?
Would you still let him come to your home to play? She really likes him, he’s fine with our dog and plays well with her, hearing this gives me a really uneasy feeling though

Why are you not answering questions about what type of pool it was?

@BodenCardiganNot What type of pool? What types are they? It’s a pool, a swimming pool

Is this a joke. 5 years old unsupervised around a pool. Torturing animals. This is not a nice boy.

@Letsgocamping67 Not a joke, Dh says the mum came rushing round the corner, I asked Dd and she said they don’t normally play by the pool.
Is this torturing animals, at 6 years old? I can’t put the fact he’s a lovely lad with him torturing animals. This is why I’m thinking his mum needs to know

You're both wrong here.

Your child needs to be brought back to the house and forced to apologise for her bad behaviour.

The problem isn't the lack of supervision. There is no overreaction to the behaviour.The problem is that your child doesn't know how to behave herself.

The fact that your husband was a complete wuss when his child snatched the chocolates amd thinks this is a storm in a teacup leaves me in no doubt as to why.

He's generally a nice calm boy - you only have your dd's word for it that he was throwing stones at the cat. She may have made that up to get her out of trouble, kids often make stuff up to get themselves out of trouble

Yes, it fucking is.

And his shit parents should know about it.

Kids who are cruel to animals when they're young, do quite often carry a cruel streak throughout their lives, and this can result in children murdering playmates, etc. see article below.

https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/are-kids-who-abuse-animals-destined-to-become-serial-killers

Personally, I wouldn't be allowing my child to play there again, for both reasons. However, if this is a problem and you're a better parent, ie, supervise your kids, and others when playing, then you could perhaps have him to your house, but I'd be watching him like a hawk with my animals.

Cruelty to an animal is an early sign of psychopathy.

Don't let your child play with this kid any more.

Report the boy's behaviour to the school safeguarding lead. It is a significant red flag, and the school needs to know about it.

Yes the mum needs to know. Sounds like your child is being used as a good influence maybe. Id definitely put a stop to it but your DH reaction is most likely because he was shocked on the moment.

And it’s a minute to drown what are they thinking!

@Mumoftwo1312 I don’t believe she’s making it up, plus Dh saw him previously with his dog and told him not to do things like that