DD’s behaviour at neighbours house

[Cantbelieveitslightatthistime]

Dh just picked Dd, 5 up from neighbour friends house and said the mum was sort of telling them off. Dd was throwing rocks into their pool and said their dc was throwing rocks at the cat (the mum didn’t see this)
As Dh was taking Dd to go, she shoved her hand into a bowl of chocolates and took them (didn’t ask or hadn’t been offered them)
How would you address this?

Do you mean a swimming pool? Are you in the UK? Because no one would have an uncovered pool at this time of year. It would have a winter cover on. So yeah, the rock thing sounds kind of odd tbh.

@commonground Not U.K.

Is the pool fenced in any way? They sound completely negligent.

@mathanxiety She was disciplined and was quite upset, she wasn’t allowed the chocolates, it was strange talking to her as she said the mum says they can take it from the box/tin whenever they want and that her friend and her run in and get seeets and chocolate etc all the time

@StSwithinsDay Im not sure if fenced, I assumed was covered, especially in winter (it’s not freezing, but they’re not using it) Dh says it wasn’t covered

I said to Dh about the pool, he thinks I’m overreacting

Well, then he's an idiot.

A friend of mine's son fell into a pond and drowned before they realised what happened.

Get him to take her to swimming lessons.

@MariaLuna She can swim

@MariaLuna He says of course the parents are watching them

posted without seeing other responses

It’s all fun and games until somebody finds a five-year-old at the bottom of the neighbor’s pool after she’s been missing for 45 minutes.

This happens to children even with a houseful of adults quite frequently in the U.S.
I believe California requires you fence your pool in - that’s how bad it got: they needed a rule to fence their pools because so many children were drowning.

Every year. Every damn year there are reports of children drowning in family pools.

This is an excellent reason to give your kids swim lessons whether or not you have a pool. Pools are like magnets to little kids.
They don’t jump in voluntarily - they see that cute little ducky thermometer floating on the surface and reach out to get it… and in they go. Or they see that swan pool float or other pool toys that people don’t stop to think would be attractive to children.
Every. Fucking. Year.

Where I live all pools must be fenced, so I was assuming your dd was throwing stones over the fence. Covers do not stop drowning btw ( well most of them).

The behaviour towards animals needs addressing

I wouldn't let her go on play dates for a while. She's not mature enough to play at other people's houses without you. Realistically,she's only little but I'd be mortified.

If the neighbour has told them to help themselves to sweets and chocolate it's hard for your DD to have them taken away. Although, she can be taught that things can be done differently in different homes. Regardless, I wouldn't be letting her play there again as the pool sounds like a risk, unless it is fenced and the water inaccessible. The boy's behaviour to animals is worrying, I would tell the mother. I would also be very, very wary about letting him near your dog

Keep your child away from their home, and keep that child away from your pets.

In clothes?

Not enough supervision at this house.

Of course your 5 year old can't swim fully clothed in a freezing swimming pool, doesn't matter how much of a great swimmer she is while supervised in a warm pool in her swimsuit.

I don't think the boy is a serial killer in the making, he's just not getting enough supervision/correction around animals. 5 year olds are still learning but someone needs to be there to teach them.

Definitely wouldn't be allowing my child round there again, if she drowns or is attacked by the dog that would be on you.

Spoke properly and calmly to my Dd this morning. Apparently they were on the trampoline in the front garden, went into the back garden and the rock throwing started by the pool. Apparently the mum, grandparents and brother and sister were home, but not one was outside with them by the pool. The mum came out sometime later and got cross with them because of the throwing stones.
Ive told Dd that he can continue to come to play at ours but not to ask to go to his house for a while because of the pool and if he asks for her to come to his house, she says she will say she can’t play by the pool without someone watching her.
I also said she can say to him it’s not kind to throw stones or hurt animals. She did say they watch the videos on YouTube of funny animals, I don’t know if this influences him.
Im a little worried if the mum hears this she’ll be offended that I’m implying Dd isn’t watched at her house 😬but…she isn’t

I’m also wondering whether to speak calmly to him about being kind to animals when he comes to ours