To wholeheartedly agree with Brianna Ghey’s mother

[Moonpig82]

I spotted this article this morning. We personally do not allow Tik Tok, Insta, Facebook, Snapchat. For our eldest who has just got a phone when starting Year 7. However we have succumbed to whatsapp.

What are people’s thoughts? How can we ‘police’ our children’s phones?

Or AIBU and there is no policing for social media? I know my Year 7 child’s friends do have these apps. Not all of them though.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-68193103

According to the media, the girl who fantasied about Brianna’s murder didn’t have a traumatic background. I do think this should be taken with a disclaimer, as we can never truly know what has happened to someone, neither can be know whether her brain (eg. Amygdala) appears different without a scan or - if it was - what caused this. However, I think while internet access and algorithms pushing similar and more extreme content couldn’t be argued to be the ‘root cause’, they can be argued to have perpetuated a fantasy world and repeatedly exposed the murderer to extreme content that she otherwise would not have had access to and which had potential to increase empathy deficit whilst providing information or ideas about how to kill.

I used to use pro-ana websites. I had Anorexia Nervosa. I still would have had it without the websites, but they did make me feel as if my beliefs around my body and food were normal because I was in an echo chamber where so many other teenagers felt the same. I supported the crackdown on those and would similarly support crackdown on social media for similar reasons because the algorithms perpetuate things. We know as adults when we search the term ‘pregnancy’, we get bombarded with diet pill and weight loss adverts. The more content teens watch about a similar subject, the more it is shown to them. That goes for everything, whether diet or meditation or mental illness or horror films or videos of dancing fruit. We’ve seen lots of damage done in various ways through exposure to misogynistic content, ‘perfect body’ content, extreme spirituality content etc.

I don’t think anyone is saying it’s a black and white issue - nothing is. Even smoking has other factors that raise or lower risk of health issues (I found this out when learning about Alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency as my husband is a carrier). However, to me, it makes no sense to disregard amount of screen time, type of content, algorithms and access to content as participating factors.

Exactly it's not just phones. But people go mad at the word phone - a tablet is grand but no no not a phone

@Bubble2024 I think the point is that in time, handing them a phone would be as bad as handing them a cigarette or a can of beer. You physically could do it, but you don't because there are consequences.

I love some of the ideas on this thread. I work in tech and would love to be part of a project that reinstalled safeguarding as a priority over convenience and peer demand.

Some might find this useful:
https://moochies.com/en-US/
For kids rather than teens though

Agree with her. Shame it's had to take killing to released it.

Go back to the old payg for kids it was much better.

So this kid spent hours and hours watching horror movies on Netflix. (Should we ban Netflix too btw?)

She skipped school.

She was possibly expelled /managed out from more than one school.(One article says several schools,the latest being the managed move to Brianna's school).

She drugged a classmate, something which was hidden in the move.

But it's not a systemic failure to act (on various people's part), no. It's social media's fault. Right.

Those are as much GPS trackers as they are anything else.

Is it really appropriate to be tracking teens, and encouraging them to think it's normal for parents or partners to track their every movement?

Lots of failures, none joined up. Brianna’s mum wants to help young people with MH issues - which all of these young people seems to suffer badly from (not helped by social media).

I think more regulation of the nasties/porn/abuse sites, blocking content on age, education in schools (drop the ‘rainbow and bunnies’ ‘you can be whatever you wanna be!’ crap and teach kids that social media is like the bloody Wild West)…

The genie is out of the bottle. Toddlers can navigate around YouTube, we are bombarded with ads for phones/Camera apps, gaming, gambling…

@Outthedoor24, I don't know TBH. Sorry, I am not sure I even feel qualified to have an opinion.

A total ban is not going to happen. I agree age limits should be enforced and policed but it is unlikely to happen as it’s too far on now. The problem is that many parents are allowing their children to have social media from the age of 8 or 9 and then do not monitor their usage. They are not old enough to navigate the online world unsupervised. It would be like dropping them into the town centre for 2-4 hours a day and letting them get up to what they want.

There HAS to be more focused campaigns or advice for parents from a central government perspective. It isn’t an invasion of your child’s privacy to keep them safe online, it is your parental duty. Schools do a lot of work with children on internet safety, it is adults who need more training.

This might give parents a false sense of security - know where the kids are so assume they are safe?

We have one of those family and friends trackers on our phones - mostly used by DS to say ‘you in Waitrose? Can you get me more coffee and drop it over’ or my sister asking why I took the wrong road driving to hers.

We got it when DS started secondary school and noone has taken it off their phones.

That's how it started a payg that could call and text parents.

That's how it should stay. If you want to look things up use the family computer at home in the Main room.

That's how it was. As soon as it moved on to smartphones you could fit in your pocket and read anywhere it went downhill.

I disagree. A lot of teens used to smoke and now few of them do.

30 years ago when I was a teen under age drinking was completely normal. I was a 'good girl' and did well at school but still went to pubs with my friends with increasing regularity aged 15 an onwards.

We all drank A LOT.

the same with car safety, using seat belts and car seats, or helmets when cycling.

All things where new laws and regulation and education have changed norms to make things safer.

We can do that with social media too. We can change the norms and we should.

We will look back on this era and be shocked with what we've exposed teens to and how badly we have let them down, just like we do now about smoking ,or memories of sliding up and down the back seat of a car without seatbelts as a child.

@cazpar I agree delaying giving teens smart phones is part of it. They don't NEED them. they can and should start with a normal phone.

The govt should regulate, no smartphone or social media before 16

Out of curiosity, What would the penalty be?

A company that markets mobiles that can only do phone calls (I remember them well ...) could do very well.

Kosher phones are already available

https://www.usmobile.com/blog/kosher-phone-plans-understanding-the-basics/

Other than it’s not comparable at all and neither of those things are permitted in a multitude of settings. Where you can do it you largely do not see children. You cannot prevent kids from touching phones and no one is going to police it as is being suggested. It’s ludicrous. Add into that the fact that phones are increasingly used as assistive tech you’re going backward. This is like suggesting the solution to drink driving is ban cars. It is not.

It's probably something to do with a lack of discipline at home too and a lack of interest in her life.

Agree with the above - totally disinterested parents

@Fernsfernsferns no they now vape instead.

whereas I agree that internet usage should be monitored in the under 18s the dark web is far more an insidious issue. Stopping them until 18 isn’t going to stop them access material at 18 and the process starting then.

the checks and balances on the internet for everyone needs to be looked at rather than making it a teenage issue. Shouldn’t we be looking at policing the content of the internet rather than the usage

Yes and think briannas mum has been so kind to them. Shocked to learn they haven't even spoken to her and apologised.

It's totally possible - the tech exists and society would change eventually.

It may not be possible overnight but it is achievable to make it a minority over say 5-10 years

An understandable campaign but will never work in reality. Ironic considering the link between SM and the emergence of an increase in trans identities.

Rotten and Chatrooms go all the way back since the late 90s (dial up era). ICQ and Yahoo chatrooms were also wild wild west. However, back then less people and were using the internet and those who do were mostly in a good socioeconomic status.

The girls parents have issued a public apology, it was in the papers the other day.

I don't get the social media link as she wasn't watching murders on tiktok or facebook, the dark web is a completely different place. Also they knew each other in real life and were "friends" in the same inclusion unit. I think there should be more scrutiny on the school and "friendship", how come they were in the same unit if one was very vulnerable and the other expelled for spiking a younger kid.

I agree with her on social media and kids in general as it's very rarely a positive in any young person's life, but don't see the link here.