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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is self care?

76 replies

ToxicOstrich · 03/02/2024 23:02

Lighthearted.

My friend thinks I'm bonkers calling my cleaning sessions 'self care'. My son sees his dad once every 3 weeks for a whole day (9-6). In this time I put my pyjamas back on, put some loud music on and clean my house, whilst singing, dancing and will have a glass of wine. This for me is self care. Taking the time to make my house look lovely. Decluttering. Singing and listening to my favourite songs.

She thinks this can't possibly be self care, and that self care is a spa day or retail therapy.

What would you do for 'self care' if you only had one day to yourself every 3 weeks?

OP posts:
Bemyclementine · 03/02/2024 23:03

I also put music on and do housework. It's fine. I've also recently started walking. On my own. In silence. I love it!

PickAChew · 03/02/2024 23:04

It makes you feel satisfied and leaves you with a house that's nicer for you to be in. It very much is self care.

VanilleA · 03/02/2024 23:06

Self care is basically looking after yourself. But it got hijacked by candle companies etc. Cleaning your teeth is self care. Making your bed is self care. Lighting a wanky candle isn't.

BodiesHitTheFloor · 03/02/2024 23:07

Selfcare is anything that makes you feel what you describe in your post x Theres no right or wrong, as long as it makes you feel Good and blows the mental cobwebs away, that's self care x enjoy your leisurely tipsy cleanup 😁

Original poster
ToxicOstrich · 03/02/2024 23:08

VanilleA · 03/02/2024 23:06

Self care is basically looking after yourself. But it got hijacked by candle companies etc. Cleaning your teeth is self care. Making your bed is self care. Lighting a wanky candle isn't.

This was my point exactly. If I went to a spa I would feel nice for an hour or so after. Definitely self care for some but not for me. Having a house with spotless skirting boards and clean windows makes me feel good for days!

OP posts:
Somepeoplearesnippy · 03/02/2024 23:10

I hate cleaning. It's pretty much self abuse to me (but not in a good way). I also dislike spa days. For me self care is yoga or Zumba or some reality tv with a few glasses of wine.

VanilleA · 03/02/2024 23:11

ToxicOstrich · 03/02/2024 23:08

This was my point exactly. If I went to a spa I would feel nice for an hour or so after. Definitely self care for some but not for me. Having a house with spotless skirting boards and clean windows makes me feel good for days!

Show quote history

I agree with you. I first came across the term used when talking about mental health issues and how it was important to try and make time for self care. Examples being to have a shower. Brush hair. Not "retail therapy" (though perhaps buying toiletries and healthy food might count)

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/02/2024 23:13

Everyone is different. If this makes you happy, it is self care.

headcheffer · 03/02/2024 23:17

Don't see how it couldn't be self care? Enjoy OP! I love a good cleaning sesh when alone!

PonyPatter44 · 03/02/2024 23:20

I love what you're doing, and your justification for it! Having a lovely clean home is really satisfying.

Your friend obviously thinks differently, and thats fine for her...but I think what you're doing is great.

Corondel · 03/02/2024 23:24

Honestly, that sounds tragic to me that your happiness is so affected by the state of your skirtingboards, and I’d be suggesting exploring why you spend your one precious free day every three weeks doing housework in your pyjamas rather than seeing friends or doing something pleasurable out of the house.

But obviously, your choice what you designate ‘self-care’.

Original poster
ToxicOstrich · 03/02/2024 23:41

Corondel · 03/02/2024 23:24

Honestly, that sounds tragic to me that your happiness is so affected by the state of your skirtingboards, and I’d be suggesting exploring why you spend your one precious free day every three weeks doing housework in your pyjamas rather than seeing friends or doing something pleasurable out of the house.

But obviously, your choice what you designate ‘self-care’.

I'm a single parent who works 5 days a week and is constantly carting kids around to clubs. I have endless piles of laundry and my house can get pretty messy. It's well known that a messy or dirty house can affect mental health and that a clear home can = a clear mind. I see my friends all the time, have music lessons once a week, I do other stuff apart from cleaning, and knowing I'm going to have one day on a regular basis to sort it all allows me to relax a bit. If that's tragic then so be it!

OP posts:
ShippingNews · 03/02/2024 23:48

Corondel · 03/02/2024 23:24

Honestly, that sounds tragic to me that your happiness is so affected by the state of your skirtingboards, and I’d be suggesting exploring why you spend your one precious free day every three weeks doing housework in your pyjamas rather than seeing friends or doing something pleasurable out of the house.

But obviously, your choice what you designate ‘self-care’.

Not all of us want or need to get out of the house to feel good ! I'm just the same as OP, I love taking care of my house and it gives me pleasure. Spending my day doing that is self care for me too !

CallmePaul · 03/02/2024 23:49

Can be whatever helps you, I like a long solitary cycle, or messing about with stripping an engine in my workshop, I've done a Spa day, fine, but other things work better for me, I'd rather laughs & drinks with friends than a Spa day.

countvoncount · 03/02/2024 23:49

If it's self care to you, it's self care!
Cleaning to some is therapeutic, to others it's the biggest chore
I say each time their own, if it makes you feel good then go for it
(I couldn't relax at a spa knowing my house needed a going over)

countvoncount · 03/02/2024 23:50

Sorry each to their own!

Dweetfidilove · 03/02/2024 23:53

A nice clean space is good for my mental health, so I agree with you.

And you can’t beat having some loud music, prancing around and livening up yourself, so carry on 🍷

New2024 · 03/02/2024 23:55

OP I totally get this. Since my elderly father passed away my day off has been estate/probate activities and when I’m done with the essential admin I sometimes find that the relax down is gradual. It usually begins with laundry and changing sheets then it’s a late lunch in front of Midsummer Murders on the telly before the DC gets home. I do also like a walk, but not if it’s wet and windy as it has been quite often recently

Ramalangadingdong · 03/02/2024 23:57

I can’t relax in an untidy home so for
me cleaning the house is definitely self care. If I get depressed cleaning the house takes me out of it.

Back21970 · 04/02/2024 00:06

I wish I could turn that into my idea of self care as the outcome of a clean, clutter free house sounds amazing!

I am considering now booking a shopping delivery next Friday (with wine) so I don’t have to go out, and I’m going to spend the whole day following your lead 😀

Sometimes going out socialising is over rated, especially when it’s frozen outside, so no you are not in the least bit tragic and you’ve inspired me to give it a go.

YouHaveLostTheGame · 04/02/2024 00:31

You've also inspired to give it a try. I'm autistic and have adhd and find keeping on top of coursework a very big challenge and I often leave it to build up and then then overwhelmed and don't know where to start so end up not starting at all, and then I feel low because of the messiness and I and I've tried various strategies to keep out of that cycle. Maybe if I learn to view housework as being beneficial to my health in the same way my meds are it'll be easier to maintain. I'm gonna try this too.

pizzaHeart · 04/02/2024 00:32

I do this as well: I put something on, open windows to let fresh air in and do tidying, then do some batch cooking. I find it very therapeutic. I can’t think in a messy house and I love house to be fresh not dusty and mouldy. .

Original poster
ToxicOstrich · 04/02/2024 00:36

YouHaveLostTheGame · 04/02/2024 00:31

You've also inspired to give it a try. I'm autistic and have adhd and find keeping on top of coursework a very big challenge and I often leave it to build up and then then overwhelmed and don't know where to start so end up not starting at all, and then I feel low because of the messiness and I and I've tried various strategies to keep out of that cycle. Maybe if I learn to view housework as being beneficial to my health in the same way my meds are it'll be easier to maintain. I'm gonna try this too.

I have adhd too. I find writing a list of absolutely everything im going to do and taking a few mins break every 10 things helps me to keep on track. Bitesize amounts! Then during the week I do a room a day. If my house is messy I struggle to do other things and relax. I'm grumpier and more irritable. Waking up, making my bed and putting my makeup on in a lovely clean room is a lovely start to the morning! It comes naturally to some people but I have to work really hard to remember to tidy up after myself.

OP posts:
EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 04/02/2024 00:45

Me too, I love a tidy clean house. Self care is looking after yourself and if you can, doing something that rejuvenates you. It's personal. I wouldn't have a spa day, I might watch a movie or wander round the shops, avoiding candles though because of allergies. I might clean, or get a haircut or rest. You're friend insisting she knows better about you than you do is a bit silly.

Paw2024 · 04/02/2024 00:59

Corondel · 03/02/2024 23:24

Honestly, that sounds tragic to me that your happiness is so affected by the state of your skirtingboards, and I’d be suggesting exploring why you spend your one precious free day every three weeks doing housework in your pyjamas rather than seeing friends or doing something pleasurable out of the house.

But obviously, your choice what you designate ‘self-care’.

I can see why.. I don't enjoy cleaning but that feeling when it's done and you light a candle and sit down with a coffee and know you're ahead for the week
It's the same as when I've done a batch cook on a Sunday, or had a bath, shaved my legs and wash my hair
Job well done kind of feeling