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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

It's a bridesmaid dress one!

91 replies

dressdrams · 03/02/2024 19:20

I am a bridesmaid at my sisters wedding next month, and I am also bridesmaid for my best friend the month after.

For my sisters wedding, she chose my bridesmaid dress and paid 50% and I paid the other 50%. It's a gorgeous dress and was over £150 but is very formal and won't be something I can wear again in most situations. It was also her choice, but as I said it's gorgeous and I love it.

My best friends wedding is the month after, it's the same colour scheme and my bridesmaid dress from my sisters wedding would work perfectly, it seemed an absolute no brainer to wear it again, really get my monies worth out of it and it's beautiful and I feel really confident in it. This has been my plan for months and was agreed with my best friend.

In all honesty it didn't occur to me to check with my sister because it's after her wedding, so it's not like there is a risk of the dress getting ruined or something. She has made it clear the dress is mine to keep etc. I just didn't see an issue, but when I spoke to her about booking it in for alterations (it's too long, I'm paying for the alterations) I mentioned in passing I'm wearing it as bridesmaid twice so it's worth the expense.

My sister is furious about it, she is saying it's beyond cheeky and she chose that dress, it's my bridesmaid dress as her sister and it's meaningful to her and it's disrespectful to wear it again just weeks later, takes away from her big day etc. I pointed out to her that literally no one from her wedding will even be at my best friends wedding to know apart from me but she was really hurt and made it well known she isn't happy for me to wear it.

AIBU? I don't know if I'm missing something and this really isn't ok but in my head I just can't comprehend an issue

OP posts:

Christmaslights21 · 03/02/2024 23:12

Your sister is unreasonable. If she wanted exclusive rights to the dress, she should have bloody paid for it! Cheeky cow!
aren you in the uk, OP? Never heard of paying towards your own bridesmaid dress in the uk (I know it’s a thing in America).

MissSookieStackhouse · 03/02/2024 23:14

Your sister is being totally ridiculous. If you wanted to wear the dress to the other occasion first, then I could understand it. However, her wedding is first so there’s no chance of it being spoiled or damaged before her big day.

If she wants the dress to be never worn again and kept as some kind of memorial to her wedding, she needs to pay you back for the other half of the dress. She can then have it back and keep it in her wardrobe or loft forever. Why should you subsidise her wedding by paying 50% towards an expense dress which you are never allowed to wear again? Tell her she needs to pay for the whole thing if she wants to dictate how it’s used after her wedding. As a matter of interest why isn’t she paying for it anyway? Isn’t that what brides usually do, pay for the bridesmaid dresses? She’s a cheeky fucker and a spoiled bridezilla. Don’t put up with it.

DappledThings · 03/02/2024 23:22

Onceuponaheartache · 03/02/2024 22:04

As she had paid for half of it I can kind of see why she is miffed...maybe offer to may her back for the 50% she paid?

I get married in August, have paid for the bridesmaid dresses outright myself. Will likely pay the alteration fee too. Honestly, I would like to think that I would be fine with my friends suggesting this as an option, but a little bit of me thinks it's a bit cheeky for me to have laid out all the expense and someone else gets to reap the benefit without spending a penny on it. .
I am not an overly confrontational person so I absolutely wouldnt say anything but I would probably be a bit put out if I am honest.

She should have paid for it entirely anyway. And even if she had done it would make no difference, she'd still he being a completely unreasonable bridezilla.

I asked friends to be my bridesmaids as a favour to me and paid for everything accordingly. If they wanted to wear their dresses again to a wedding the very next weekend with 90% of the same guestlist that would be absolutely fine and I can't imagine being miffed. Why would you see it as them profiting? The dresses are a gift to them for doing something for you. Not an investment.

JustAnotherManicMomday · 03/02/2024 23:27

Personally I would tell her she paid half and so did you. Maybe tell her you cannot budget for another dress. I would be asking exactly when are you allowed to wear it again in her opinion, only you have paid half the cost so she cannot expect you to let it sit in the back of the wardrobe for ever. Your friends taking the risk here in that you could be dressless if anything happens to it.

aitchteeaitch · 03/02/2024 23:28

Tell your sister okay, if you can't wear it again, you might as well send it straight to the charity shop afterwards instead.

Starrysky812 · 03/02/2024 23:31

YANBU. Maybe she was just shocked and as a stressed out bride to be, her initial reaction is outrage. Hopefully after some time to reflect and surely after her own wedding is over, she'll realise how little it matters. And if not I'd wear it anyway 😉

Maddy70 · 03/02/2024 23:36

Im with your sister. Shes paid fpr half of that dress. Its unique to her wedding. Your criemda will see you in both sets of photos and it makes her chouce look a bit "cheap"

Wear something else

Maddy70 · 03/02/2024 23:37

Is it worth falling out over?

justasmalltownmum · 03/02/2024 23:37

Your sister is mental.

DappledThings · 03/02/2024 23:40

Maddy70 · 03/02/2024 23:36

Im with your sister. Shes paid fpr half of that dress. Its unique to her wedding. Your criemda will see you in both sets of photos and it makes her chouce look a bit "cheap"

Wear something else

It doesn't look cheap at all. If the sister chooses to think in such a ludicrous manner that's up to her. And no, it's not worth falling out over as the sister should realise and get over herself.

RampantIvy · 03/02/2024 23:49

Maddy70 · 03/02/2024 23:36

Im with your sister. Shes paid fpr half of that dress. Its unique to her wedding. Your criemda will see you in both sets of photos and it makes her chouce look a bit "cheap"

Wear something else

She doesn't own the copyright to that dress. If she doesnt want it to be worn again she needs to pay for all of it.

Who is going to know that this dress was worn at another wedding?

Both you and the sister are being ridiculous.

Christmaslights21 · 03/02/2024 23:55

@Maddy70 ill tell you what looks cheap-making your bridesmaids pay half for their own dress!

NaughtybutNice77 · 04/02/2024 01:20

You're not missing anything other than your sister turning into a bridezilla. It seems a perfectly acceptable plan. Of course your sister can have all rights to the dress, then she pays for it and the alterations. If not, it's yours to do with as she wishes.
It seems very common now for brides to feel that their own wedding is of the utmost importance and seemed shocked that others do not make it their top priority. Its not enough to attend and wish the couple well, you're supposed to live and breath it. Your sister can't accept that you rate your friends wedding of equal importance.
Let her sulk.

NaughtybutNice77 · 04/02/2024 01:28

@notknowledgeable

"It is a bit odd to post about your pregnancy online. I have never known anyone do that"

Really? It's not something I'd do but it's hardly rare.

poolcrew · 04/02/2024 02:04

It wouldn't bother me, I'd be glad the dress is being worn again. Could both of the brides pay 25% each? Your sister may feel like she's subbing your friend's wedding and this way the dress would be less exclusively 'hers'?

viques · 04/02/2024 02:15

Tell her you are wearing the half of the dress you paid for to your friends wedding, the half she paid for is going along as your half’s plus 1.

Passingthethyme · 04/02/2024 02:45

I was a bit of a Bridezilla. Your sister is nuts!

IloveAslan · 04/02/2024 03:14

Another bridezilla in action!! Honestly, it worries me that some of these dramatic women think they are mature enough to get married. Don't mention it to your sister again, just wear it for your friend's wedding.

Tilllly · 04/02/2024 03:16

Good grief... I wore mine in a pantomime!
(After the wedding, obv!!)

TupperJen · 04/02/2024 04:18

Your sister is definitely overthinking this. It's after her wedding, it's not the same guests, it's your dress to rewear and it's a compliment to her great taste in bridesmaid dresses.

Wear it, she probably won't even care when the time comes, as her wedding will be done and dusted. I'd not tell her, and deal with the fallout afterwards (possibly lined up with white lie about 2nd bridesmaid dress that didn't arrive, didn't fit, didn't look like the online image).

kittycloud · 04/02/2024 07:28

I don't know what the problem is to be honest, if the dress is yours to keep, then you should be able to wear it to the supermarket after it has been worn at her wedding if you want to! I think a touch of the 'bridezilla' is coming out

Forwardthinkinglobster · 04/02/2024 07:35

YANBU. It’s economically resourceful, less waste, kinder to the planet and you’ll look fab on both occasions. Crack the fuck on!

ChangingPhoto · 04/02/2024 07:35

Maddy70 · 03/02/2024 23:36

Im with your sister. Shes paid fpr half of that dress. Its unique to her wedding. Your criemda will see you in both sets of photos and it makes her chouce look a bit "cheap"

Wear something else

Such small-minded pettiness. Take a step back, think about what matters in the world and see how ridiculous you (and the sister) are being.

Thankfully, I only know one person in real life who would act like this. She was once furious that somebody asked for recommendations of hotels in a place she had been on holiday. Because she had done the ‘research’ and did not see why should she share it. Maybe this is you?

I cannot imagine being such a petty person. What a mean-spirited mentality.

RowanMayfair · 04/02/2024 07:35

why are you paying half of the dress in the first place?!

RowanMayfair · 04/02/2024 07:37

Maddy70 · 03/02/2024 23:36

Im with your sister. Shes paid fpr half of that dress. Its unique to her wedding. Your criemda will see you in both sets of photos and it makes her chouce look a bit "cheap"

Wear something else

No idea what a criemda is meant to be but if it's not the same guest pool then nobody will see her in both sets of pictures will they? If the sister had paid the whole amount for the dress she might have the right to dictate this but she didn't. This is the OP's dress and she can choose when to wear it.

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