It's a bridesmaid dress one!

[dressdrams]

I am a bridesmaid at my sisters wedding next month, and I am also bridesmaid for my best friend the month after.

For my sisters wedding, she chose my bridesmaid dress and paid 50% and I paid the other 50%. It's a gorgeous dress and was over £150 but is very formal and won't be something I can wear again in most situations. It was also her choice, but as I said it's gorgeous and I love it.

My best friends wedding is the month after, it's the same colour scheme and my bridesmaid dress from my sisters wedding would work perfectly, it seemed an absolute no brainer to wear it again, really get my monies worth out of it and it's beautiful and I feel really confident in it. This has been my plan for months and was agreed with my best friend.

In all honesty it didn't occur to me to check with my sister because it's after her wedding, so it's not like there is a risk of the dress getting ruined or something. She has made it clear the dress is mine to keep etc. I just didn't see an issue, but when I spoke to her about booking it in for alterations (it's too long, I'm paying for the alterations) I mentioned in passing I'm wearing it as bridesmaid twice so it's worth the expense.

My sister is furious about it, she is saying it's beyond cheeky and she chose that dress, it's my bridesmaid dress as her sister and it's meaningful to her and it's disrespectful to wear it again just weeks later, takes away from her big day etc. I pointed out to her that literally no one from her wedding will even be at my best friends wedding to know apart from me but she was really hurt and made it well known she isn't happy for me to wear it.

AIBU? I don't know if I'm missing something and this really isn't ok but in my head I just can't comprehend an issue

You’re paying for half the dress, plus the alterations, which could easily be as much as you pay for the dress. You’ll have effectively paid for 2/3 of the dress, therefore you can wear it whenever yiu want.
if your sister wants control of the dress, she should pay for the whole of the dress AND the alterations. It’s normal in the YK for the bride to pay for the bridesmaids’ dresses. You want your bridesmaid to wear a particular dress, then you need to pay for it.

If she wants total control of the dress she pays total cost including alterations imo

You're not being unreasonable.

It's a sensible use of both time and money; even if money were no object, finding a dress you like is a long and sometimes annoying experience. Never mind the environmental impact of wearing a dress only once.

I also wouldn’t mention it again, if she brings it up then tell her you’ve paid over half of the dress so you can do what you want with it.

YANBU , your sister is being completely ridiculous

Thanks all, unanimous agreement so feeling reassured. Was concerned I was missing the mark somewhere.

YANBU

Don't discuss it any further. If she brings it up again she needs to pay for the dress, including alterations. I don't think she will feel like this when her wedding is past. (Unless she is totally self-obsessed)

i read threads like this and wonder how people like this maintain relationships at all.

It’s your fucking dress @dressdrams - there is nothing wrong with your plan at all.

As she had paid for half of it I can kind of see why she is miffed...maybe offer to may her back for the 50% she paid?

I get married in August, have paid for the bridesmaid dresses outright myself. Will likely pay the alteration fee too. Honestly, I would like to think that I would be fine with my friends suggesting this as an option, but a little bit of me thinks it's a bit cheeky for me to have laid out all the expense and someone else gets to reap the benefit without spending a penny on it. .
I am not an overly confrontational person so I absolutely wouldnt say anything but I would probably be a bit put out if I am honest.

She's being an entitled fool.

Yeah and OP is wearing it at her wedding and a friends wedding so she's getting her 50%'s worth

I can't believe the cheeky cow made you pay half the money for the dress!

Let alone tried to tell you what to do with it afterwards.

I think it's cheeky to have to buy or pay for a dress anyway but if you've had to contribute then it's up to you what you do with it after!

So you've paid half, are paying for alterations (why is the alteration cost your responsibility?) and your DSis has said its yours to keep and wear after her wedding. Except it's not.
She sounds unable to be reasonable and seems to have reached a level of wedding overload that it's affecting her thinking. Poor you. 💐

but a little bit of me thinks it's a bit cheeky for me to have laid out all the expense and someone else gets to reap the benefit without spending a penny on it.

Yoi could say that about any gift you buy.

You give so the person gets use out of it - it’s more eco friendly than another dress wasted on one day.

You paid for half. If she wanted it to be 'hers' then maybe she should have paid for all of it, then she could dictate when you were or were not allowed to wear it or not

Bridezilla. Ignore, don’t mention it again. If she’s normally a reasonable person once the wedding is over she’ll realise she’s being ridiculous.

Yes, all rather dramatic! Dsis needs to chill a tad!

(Note - yes, the edit button will clearly show that I commented on the wrong post but this is my opinion anyway, while I'm here 😂)

Give her a Valium and tell her to calm down.

Bridezilla.

Show her this thread, too...

This is lovely!

You could wear it to the pub if you want once her wedding is over! I just wouldn’t mention it ever again.

She's being unreasonable. If she's expecting you to contribute towards the dress, and it's yours to wear afterwards, then she can't expect to specify WHERE you're allowed to wear it again!

I bought both my bridesmaid's dresses, and let them keep them afterwards, and set my budget accordingly. I can't get my head round brides expecting their friends to pay so much towards their weddings these days.

Your sister is an absolute CF of the highest order.

When you dictate your wedding party attire is exclusive, it is your responsibility to foot the bill entirely. Only at this point is it acceptable to say you would like the outfit returned and not worn again. If you ask a penny towards the bill you have lost this right entirely.

And yes, if you show Bridezilla the thread, I have been married. I paid in full for her dress and gave it to her to do as she wished. Wear it, lend it, sell it, gift it- it doesn’t matter. Our marriage was about us, not what our guests were wearing.