Is the concept of a soulmate bullshit?

[Masky123]

I'm away with friends for a birthday. I'm here alone as H at home with DC. They are my close friends but doing my head in and feel belittled and ignored at points. Going to call H for a quick chat but know be will be no help/have v little interest and give me one word responses

Feel quite alone. Do other people have a soulmate? Or is it a stupid unrealistic concept? My friends are fine, my husband tries his best but I don't feel myself truly with any of them. Is that normal?

This is going to sound vomit-inducingly naff but I do think the only 'soulmate' you have is yourself.

I think it can be a dog.

Not having a ‘soulmate’ (which yes, is a deeply silly concept) isn’t your issue, OP, more that your DH isn’t apparently interested in having a conversation or being emotionally available to you.

@Sofabum I'm totally not a dog person but I will take your word for it!

Yes, the concept of a soulmate is bullshit, but that doesn't mean the alternative is friends and a husband that make you feel shit about yourself.

A soulmate??? Yep, that'll be myself!

No it’s true but embarrassing to admit.

I think my parents were soulmates but I think it takes a certain kind of person to have that kind of relationship. I’m fairly sure I’m not capable of a relationship that nourishes and satisfies my soul in that way. That doesn’t mean I can’t have a great relationship but I don’t have that “one special person who meets all my needs”.

I was lucky, with 8 billion people in the world I found my soul mate 2 miles from my house in the local pub.

@Sofabum

I agree. My dog absolutely loves me whatever mood I am in. If I had my time again I would have just bought a house with a bit of land and had load of dogs.

Try horses, there is no problem that cannot be solved by inhaling horse smell and a gallop through the woods.

Yep utter nonsense!

I think soul mate is a dangerous concept. Be your own soul mate.

Why would you want one? It sounds very intrusive. How would it even work? You're not allowed to be different from them in any wa or have any kind of private thoughts they don't know? 🤣😬

Obviously it's a bullshit idea. If you did have one given that there are over 7 billion people on the planet it's extremely unlikely you'd ever meet them!

However, a shitty husband and friends aren't the other option. Ditch the useless husband and get better friends, OP. They don't need to be your "soul mate" to bring joy to your life.

I don’t necessarily think your soul mate is a partner. It could be a friend. I also don’t think there is only one. I call my best friend my soul mate because we just connect, we get each other and we’re there for each other. Much more than my husband.

Ah yes, dogs are your soulmates. I can tell my dog anything, he listens, he loves me and he'll be there to the end of either of us. People? I've never found that, even after having had one husband and several DPs.

It sounds awful and something I would say sounds ridiculous but I have had a near perfect meeting of minds with DH. It’s hard to explain really, there really is no other for me at all so not a soulmate but so close to being as right as is humanly possible.

I didn't believe the concept existed, understood relationships are hard work and are largely based on shared goals, all that.
Met my partner and my mind was changed, I knew immediately as soon as we started talking. We both have a lot of quirks and hang ups. Both very passionate about something expensive and time consuming but even without the shared hobby there's a very unusual connection I've never felt before. I've dated lots of men, and a few women, I liked and maybe loved them all in one way or another but nothing comparable to this.

He is perfect. He is not everybodies cup of tea but that's fine because neither am I. I have never met anybody like him and I know he feels the same about me. 5 years in so far but I can't see us ever breaking up, I've always known my relationships before either had an expiry date or that either I or the other party would prioritise something else first. None of that here, we are both entirely dedicated to putting our relationship above all else. We are very secure and happy. It is a revelation.

I think people should be able to be themselves, feel heard and be appreciated by their friends and partner, soulmate not required.

No, there isn’t one perfect person made for you. There are lots of people you may be compatible with and happy with.

I look at it like this - imagine everyone in the world was listed in the order of their compatibility with you - you'd have lots of people who were equally compatible or incompatible with you at various places on the list and at the top of the list would be those who are most compatible with you - they would be what the more 'woo' type of person would class as 'soulmates'. However, anyone in the top 10% of the list would probably make a great partner or friend.

Tim Minchin has a fantastic song about this. I'll see if I can find it.

Here. He's still married!

But seriously, @Masky123 You don't need a soulmate. You just need a partner who likes you, respects you and cares about you.

My late DH was my soulmate. 100%. I knew it as soon as I met him and never doubted it for a moment, even through times of great trial, and he felt the same. I don’t think I’ll ever meet another. I’m very happy with DP though, and he has helped me grow into a better of myself – plus now that I’m a parent I don’t think that kind of all consuming relationship would be right for me. So I’ve made my peace with that and am instead putting that energy into myself, my daughter and my relationships with friends. It is equally nourishing, just in a different way.