Is the concept of a soulmate bullshit?

[Masky123]

I'm away with friends for a birthday. I'm here alone as H at home with DC. They are my close friends but doing my head in and feel belittled and ignored at points. Going to call H for a quick chat but know be will be no help/have v little interest and give me one word responses

Feel quite alone. Do other people have a soulmate? Or is it a stupid unrealistic concept? My friends are fine, my husband tries his best but I don't feel myself truly with any of them. Is that normal?

It's a myth.

There are people you are compatible with but soulmates? Nah.

What they don't tell you is what to do when you find your soulmate - but you aren't theirs.

I married my soulmate (well, sort of, I don't really believe in the concept, but a person I was incredibly compatible with and in love with and with whom I shared most interests and hobbies) but he fell out of love and left.

And it left me destroyed for a considerable amount of time. So, be careful of looking for the 'soulmate' label. Sometimes good enough is good enough.

I absolutely think we do have a soul mate. Mine is a guy I met over 20yrs ago but circumstances dictated our lives went different ways. We are still in contact but haven't seen each other in what 15yrs....not because we don't want too, it's because our partners hate our connection like it's some dirty affair. Weirdly I always know when something has happened in his life and vice versa.

A part of me would say it's bullshit based on my own views of the world and people and relationships.

But I can't deny that I have seen people who are perfectly matched and as in love after 60+ years of marriage as when they met.

So I believe that soulmates can be a real thing. But I don't think that there's someone out there for everyone. Some people are arseholes or psychopaths, so I hope they don't have a match. I think some people are incredibly lucky and there's nothing wrong with hoping for that kind of connection.

I didn't think so until I met my husband. It was like we already knew each other.

There are many people we're compatible with- could be platonically, romantically or family members. Might even be an animal! A lot of it is luck, timing and circumstance.

No, I don't believe in soul mates. I think the key to enjoying friends and partners is to let go of that idea, and just appreciate what they do bring to your life. And not worrying or thinking about what they don't bring. Even if those negative traits are quite serious.

I think it’s a meaningless question, really, because everyone has a different idea of what a soulmate is. I would definitely say that my DP would meet my personal definition of a soulmate, and I only realised what that was when I met him. But it doesn’t mean we agree on everything all the time, or can read each other’s minds, or that we don’t need time alone or that we don’t have private thoughts we’d never share.

Also, there is a middle ground between ‘soulmate’ and ‘indifferent or actively unpleasant’. You don’t have to be someone’s soulmate to have a normal, understanding conversation on the phone with them.

I have a platonic female friend I have a very deep level of understanding with and could tell literally anything however shameful or embarrassing - if that's what is meant by it.

My husband and I understand each other well and are similar in some ways - more so than I have been with any other long term partner - even when he annoys me I sort of get where he is coming from - but I wouldn't say we were soul mates.

And finally I am very close to my mother and my daughter, and feel they both understand me on a surprisingly profound level.

So not sure there is one "soul mate" out there, but it is possible to meet people you feel extremely in tune with and understood by. Has been for me anyway - I do feel blessed in this way.

@Ilovelurchers I read a book recently where one of the characters discussed her feeling that we have companion souls- a small group of people that we travel through eternity with and meet up with during our lives at various times, and then beyond in different ways, but always coming together in the end. I thought that was lovely.

I'm not sure about soul mates but I've been with DH so long now we are the same person sometimes.

When I listen to Justin timberlake's song Mirrors, I think of my DH.

I do think soulmates exist, I have a friend and she / her husband are definitely soulmates. My DH and I are very comfortable partners, best friends, totally at ease with each others’ foibles and good points, but I don’t think we’re soulmates. We’ve been together 35 years though.

Soulmate is meaningless, but it does sound like you need more meaningful and deeper connections in your life.

If you are really feeling disconnected it’s no way to live.

I hope you can enjoy the weekend for what it is in the mean time.

Soul mate
Rock

All desperately twee! And make me think of tatty teddy bear couples with slogans on the walll 😂

I like this idea…have always thought one soulmate is a bit of an ask, but I do think there are people who I’ve had a connection with and who have really helped me through a bad time, or have helped me grow, or find myself in some way.

it’s a bit like someone from your tribe or a kindred spirit

Only on Fakebook is a soulmate a thing, vomit inducing bullshit. If you must have one make it yourself.

My husband and I are soul mates. 100% no question

Maybe not soulmate as in there is only one of them....but ,one or two people in your life who get you unconditionally, who you never feel awkward or weird around even for a moment. I see siblings have it sometimes. And partners. Maybe a best friend. I just don't have it. These are my closest friends in the world and I'm hiding in the loo. I wondered if it's me. And then yeah I'm sat in the loo feeling awkward and want to speak to someone but realise H is not going to understand at all.

Absolutely agree! It's have 2 horses and a 7 month foal who are my soul mates plus my 4 month old Labrador puppy ❤️

I really strongly don’t believe in soul mates. Certainly not in there being just the one and we have to find them.

I think there are a smattering of people about who each of us might be compatible with, and a lot depends on circumstances and situations. And nothing wrong with not ending up sharing you life with one other person - people can be happy in lots of ways.

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing yeah I agree. I have found myself compatible with a few people, partners, friends, but in my late 30s it feels less and less meaningful.

There are people we are attracted to in our lives and each one could be a soul mate, all depends on timing and circumstances. That first stage of romance, no matter how amazing, turns into getting older and getting irritated by sharing your space no matter how much u love each other.

You can be soulmates aged 18 then change. Some are lucky to have unequivocal passion and lifelong compatability, most aren't but adjust and compromise.

So is there one soulmate? Most likely not but seems it at the time, it's the perseverance that decides. Xx

There are people you click with and have a lot in common with, no doubt. But I think circumstances still dictate a lot.

I don't believe in soulmates, but I think you're asking is it possible for a spouse to be a good friend.

I think it is possible and I think it should be a baseline for a relationship. Sadly there are a lot of marriages where the partners are no longer (or maybe never were) friends.

I keep thinking how weird it is honestly that we choose a life partner based on being sexually attracted to them when there are probably so many other things which are more important.

I believe some people do have soulmates and some of us (me!) don’t - my parents are soulmates- they met aged 14 and 16 and celebrate 57 years of marriage this year. They are yin and yang and complement each other perfectly.