Was I unreasonable to expect DH to turn of light at 3:30 AM?

[NUtowanttosleep]

DC woke up at around 11:30 last night. I went in and fell asleep, waking again at around 3:30 am. I went back to our bed and DH was awake watching TV on his phone and had the lamp on next to his bed. As I was walking to my side of the bed I asked DH to turn off the lamp off. He said no. I asked again for him to please turn the light off as it's half 3 and I want to sleep. He said he was there first and I can't expect to walk in a room and get my own way. I admit I did argue about it as I was a bit surprised he wouldn't just turn it off. It is not as if he was reading and needed the light. I also didn't buy the "I was here first" argument as we were both in bed but I was just the one to get up when DC woke up. I was really peed off with him as I actually think it's just nasty and controlling to refuse when he doesn't need the light and I wanted to sleep. By the way I suggested I'd do it myself and he said he'd put it back on again. I put my head under the duvet and tried to sleep but then DC woke up again and I went to sleep in there.

He does have form for being difficult and usually I don't question it as I know he can be unreasonable but he was so adamant last night that I wanted to ask the question. Go easy please Mumsnet.

He was being a dick.

What a selfish arse he is!

Yeah he was being a dick. The person who is doing something that is not sleeping goes somewhere else to do it.

If he is awake already why doesn’t he go in with DC when they wake up.

Assume he now has a long lie in whilst you parent them

The bedroom is a place to sleep in, if he wanted to watch television it should be done downstairs. This is beyond him being difficult. Is the relationship worth saving by talking about it today?

What an unpleasant arsehole

He's an arse. When he refused to turn the light off you should have just told him he's being a dick.

When DC woke the second time it was your DH turn to go. Next time tell him so.

People can only do to you what you let them.

I don’t know that there is anything here to go easy on. He was being an absolute dickhead

Blue mum, the DH doesn't sound like he'd do anything op asked, don't blame her

Yep, an absolute selfish twat.

Is he always a dick? And can you see spending your whole life like this, when there are much nicer people out there?

What the actual fuck are you married to???? I feel sorry for you. Makes my whole life seem better. Bloody hell.

Good grief, what a weird attitude. What on earth is his problem and what's he trying to achieve.

Absolute arse 🙄

Why was he watching tv with the light on in the bed at 3am in the first place?

Dick behaviour from someone with children.

Rude to you: if this is characteristic I’d be making plans to fuck him off.

He was being a complete arsehole! What an unpleasant person he seems!

Does he drink?

How selfish and controlling.

Has form for being difficult. In other words, he says jump and you have to ask how high?

Id say this is abuse or certainly the beginning of abuse.

I did tell him he was being unreasonable, trust me, and that he could go downstairs if he wanted to do something other than sleep. He said no I should go downstairs. He even called me a twat. He turned it off but then somehow the argument continued (I honestly can't remember why - I think he called me selfish and I must have argued) and so he turned it back on.

When DC woke up again I was relieved as I had been lying there in the lit bedroom trying to sleep and wondering whether to just go back to DC (toddler in double bed).

We have always had issues. I genuinely think he's a narcissist and think I told him that last night. I keep hoping things will get better and convincing myself they are as I think the idea of divorce is so daunting but I sometimes it feels like things are getting worse.

awful attitude

Bring DC in with you if they wake up. He’ll then vacate the bed, hopefully.
Make sure DC are with him as soon as they wake in the morning, probably worth you going out at that point, maybe for a run or gym session?

s the toddler in a double bed purposefully for you to share?

What an arsehole . So unattractive and unpleasant.
Definitely make use of toddlers double bed!!
Doesn’t sound as if he has any respect for you.

This is just so horribly unkind for so little gain for him. being in a room first doesn’t give you free rein to continue to use said room for an unintended purpose. His justification is just bizarre.

Is he like this in other areas or is it out of character? And with waking (presumable small) children how come he has the luxury to be up at 3.30 am watching tv?!

I think he is abusive. He can't communicate in a normal way. He reacts weirdly (I think) to normal things. For me it would be natural to turn the light off and I told him I'd have turned the light off if roles were reversed. He has a real lack of consideration and empathy and is put out if he can't do exactly what he wants when he wants so I really think he'd be better on his own.

I can't face a divorce right now. If it were a case of asking him to leave that would be fine but he won't go so I'm not sure how it would work. I work and have my own money (I earn slightly more than he does) but not sure how I'd manage the mortgage, bills and childcare (£1000 a month) on my own.

I assume he couldn't sleep and so was watching tv on his phone for that reason.

The only thing he's said this morning was to ask if I'm going out and when. I just said quite soon and he said good and went back to bed.