To feel guilty at husbands arrest

[Sobaditsfunny]

I feel so guilty. Long abusive relationship came to a head a few months ago. Husband was arrested and put on bail conditions. Recently he breached his bail conditions, on the face of it he was visiting his daughter at the hospital but the reality was he knew where I was, found my car and parked next to it, asked me to go for a drive (I refused) then told me he still loved me. Then we had the 'I want to die if I'm not with you', he then began to discuss the court case/crime and attempted to convince me I had made it all up and was taking it too far. He made some absurd suggestions, threatened me then I came round and drove off. I came away feeling very confused and doubting myself. I didn't report it as I thought he would say it was an emergency visit to see his child. My IDVA rang and checked in on me this week. I told her and she told me to report it. So I did. And now they're arresting him tonight but this time they think they have enough (with other evidence) to remand him in custody. He hasn't seen the children for over a month then today he has tried to arrange a visit for this weekend. He didn't know at the time of the message what was coming and now I feel overwhelmingly guilty. Aibu for having reported it or should I have left it and allowed another opportunity for child contact??

You should not feel guilty. He breached the order not you. He needs to learn to do as the court orders him to do or not to do.

@couiza I've just checked and it is part of the Hague convention, I don't really know what that means but I'll look into it. @Throckmorton that's a good idea regarding passports. Seems he's still not been arrested as he's sent another message about how what's in the children's best interests is seeing their dad whose been removed from their lives and he's not been in touch as hes needed time and space. (To cook up loads of shite for the finances-he wants 100% of family home).

Family solicitor here.
If the messages do anything other than try to arrange contact then your mum needs to reply
Sorry xx I will not be forwarding this message to xx because it contains threats. I am to act as go between only in relation to contact arrangements. If you wish to change your message to remove these I will forward it on.

Report breach of bail conditions. When my abusive ex breached his conditions the police did nothing. I also had empty promises about custody.

You have a solicitor. I'm assuming they've advised no contact unless either at a contact centre (or other appropriate supervision) or as ordered by the court. Contact centres are usually very oversubscribed.

Why doesn't your solicitor apply for an order that you can go on your pre-booked holiday to be heard urgently (if the holiday is very soon)? It could be heard with the PSO application. I'm assuming he knew about the holiday when you booked it? Pre booked holidays which F knew about and where M is not a flight risk are usually allowed.

@TooTrusting Thank you, that's great advice. They give you 3 short lines of bail conditions and I feel they are very open to interpretation. I will use that text. My solicitor applied for an urgent case hearing a couple of weeks ago when he refused consent and they said due to safeguarding concerns cafcass would need a meeting first and it doesn't fall within their timelines. However the only safeguarding concern is his domestic abuse so I can't see any reason why they won't hear the case. The flights are booked for 16th. Yes, he knows as the flights were booked for us all before his arrest. I've since booked the accommodation.

He could have harmed or followed you. He broke a very clear restriction. Of course you had to tell someone about it.

You didn't do this, OP. He did.

Hi all.i will briefly explain my situation here.my ex husband has remanded at the custody for harassing and stalking me. He is remanded from 2 months ago and will stay until march which is a trial date.i have a little child. He had a close relationship with his father and he keeps asking his dad and wants to see him.i requested and asked social worker to arrange a video call for my son and ex partner. So still waiting for the response!but the thing is I feel so guilty!I want to give up on my case against him!I heard from some friends,he is not well and he is crying every day in the prison.i feel really sorry for him and want to do something.but i am also not sure am I doing a right thing to give up?!

It's what abuse does to you

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