Talking to strangers

[susansaucepan]

Do you say hello as you pass strangers?

I will almost always say hello, nod or smile if I catch someone's eye on the street, work corridors etc, even if I don't know them. It feels a bit rude to just rush past someone. I am not sure why I bother, especially as the greeting is not always reciprocated which can be awkward.

My DH has mentioned that my DD “talks to every stranger” they walk past during the school run. He is right in that she does tend to say hello to most people and will happily engage anyone in conversation given the opportunity.

My DH is a quiet man and finds this uncomfortable and tries to use the old “stranger danger” rethoric to encourage the kids to not talk to strangers.

What are your thoughts?

I do. And I live in London!

I say good morning if passing the odd person on a morning walk. Wouldn't do it on a busy high street.

I wouldn't say hello in a busy street, but certainly I do on a walking trail or similar. DH and I both talk to strangers quite regularly. They're just people, and I think it's sad that the idea fills some people with so much horror.

For me, it's just a nice, friendly thing to do to acknowledge the people around you, and it can help to pass the time in a queue etc. I think there is also research that shows that it makes the people you speak to happier for the rest of the day, and probably you as well!

I am Irish and lived in Scotland after university. I said hello a lot more in both places and it was considered normal.

Then moved to just outside London. I said hello to people on my walk to the station at the beginning and the reactions I got ranged from horror, to nervous smiles, to one guy thinking I was hitting on him and writing me a lovely letter asking me to go out with him which he put in my hand the next day. I was married so said no thank you and it was awkward after that!

Anyway, I've been here ages now and am so used to the way it is here now that I would never say hi to strangers anymore. It isn't the way here ime. Still say hi to strangers at home in Ireland though, but it takes me by surprise as I've been here for many years now!

I don't initiate hellos because I'm a bit shy and socially awkward but I like it when people talk to me when I'm out and about. Even if it's the same old comments you get like 'nice weather for it' or 'its a cold one today!'. I like that little moment of human connection.

If it's busy and I catch someone's eye I'll often smile. Where it is quieter, a hello, good afternoon etc. I chat with all sorts of people. Drives my husband mad because you can guarantee I'll be the one who's nipped into a shop while he's waiting and I'm nattering to a member of staff. The thing is, my life is so much more enriched for it. It's amazing what you learn. People have stories to tell and I love to hear them!
I'm naturally a very sociable person so maybe that has something to do with it. I'll happily walk into a room full of strangers and strike up conversation.

Are you OK?

Excellent post @sorrynotathome

I tend not to speak to strangers in the town centre but might smile or say good morning if I pass someone on a quiet street.

Your DH's strange danger advice is very outdated. There's nothing wrong with a young child talking to a stranger when the child is out with their parents. If anything, it's something to be encouraged as it develops both their language skills and their social skills.

A better piece of advice is to tell children that they must never go off with an adult (whether they know that adult or not) without checking with the adult who is caring for them at the time.

I think it's just introversion v extroversion. Myself and the 3 kids are all extroverts and say hello/talk to strangers easily. My husband is an introvert and would rather not speak to anyone!

DH is very introverted but can muster up a hello if we pass people when we go out for a walk. Round here it would be seen as rude not to.

There's a distinct line in our commuter town. Walking into town to the shops everyone avoids eye contact and only say hello if you recognise them. I used to see the same guy dogwalking on my walk to the station every day - said hello (to the dog), after about a week of this but it took the owner longer to return the greeting
But walk or run over the parkland/woods and dog walkers, familys and runners all smile and say hello. Weird!

Maybe I'll start a revolution this morning and start smiling at everyone like that Spike Milligan poem. After all we could all do with a lift this time of year 😁

if i meet their eye, if we cross paths on a dog walk quite likely

I always say hello to everyone. Your H is a tad miserable daughter sounds lovely

We once went on a canal boat holiday and said afterwards one of the nicest things about it was that all the boaters and people on the footpath greeted you as you pootled past!

It is a lovely mood booster and a scientific fact that speaking to strangers releases good hormones.

I don’t say hello to everyone I see but I’ll occasionally let someone know I love their dress or say hi to a passing person!

I live in a Northern village, so yes we do.

Don't worry about the stranger danger stuff - most things that happen like that are done by family members and people they know. I mean, obviously tell her not to get into anyone's car!

I like it when people chat. I found having a dog you get to do this often, which I hadn't realised beforehand. I think a lot of people thing it is a North/South divide thing but I actually think it is a whether you have a dog thing

It is perfectly normal where I live to say hello to people on the street or country foot paths where I live. I exchange some sort of greeting with almost everyone I see on my dog walk.

FWIW my daughter is an with her own adult children now but I taught her never to go anywhere with anyone without me knowing rather than a blanket ban on talking to strangers. You never know when you might need a stranger's help.

It feels entitled when other people say a passing hello to you? Wow.

I have just smiled to myself when I realised that if I was actually talking to someone local about our new neighbour I would have said " Not next door but next door but one!"
It's a Valleys thing ☺️

I've lived all over England, never Wales, but it's always been 'next door but one'. I thought that was normal everywhere.

I don't initiate it as I'm introverted, shy, hate small talk & my autism means eye contact makes me feel uncomfortable, but I will reciproacte if someone says hello.

For those criticising @gertew I have had incidences where men have come across as quite entitled when I'm out walking my dogs on my own, even had one who'd already passed me call back 'well hello to you too', which was quite unsettling.

@justaboutdonenow I do know what you mean and I don't always fancy a chat. Something I found helpful for those days is wearing headphones and idly putting your hand to you ear to show that as they approach. It's the dog walking equivalent to having a book on a train, I find!

I live in a city so obviously not, I would never be finished and there are some really weird people that you don't want to get involved with.

An introvert is not a misanthrope.

An introvert is not a misanthrope.

YES!

Well said @Sinkapace. DH is an introvert, but he isn't a rude misanthrope.

I really dislike the way far too many posters on mumsnet use the excuse of being an introvert when really they either just dislike people in general, are rude, are ND, are socially anxious or have mental health issues. It just gives introverts a bad name.

Introverts like people and will respond to a friendly greeting. They just find being with people exhausting and need to be on their own to recharge.