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AIBU?

DH and Money

63 replies

Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 14:07

I have been a SAHM for few years now and have suffered with ill health. I have just recently started a part time job, three days a week. My DH started a new job last September and took a major paycut. He would give me 200 a week. I also received an illness payment. DH has now said that seen as I'm back working he won't be giving me the 200 a week, that's fair enough. I did say that's fine but I would like the 800 put into a joint savings account every month. He doesn't want to do this, wants to keep the 800 in his account. Just to be clear the lists below have been this way for years. This is what we both pay for:

DH
Mortgage
Bins
Internet/TV
Kids Sports Fees
Clothes/shoes for kids

Me
Groceries
Car tax
Car insurance
House insurance
Gas/Electricity
Kids mobiles
Kids school trips
Diesel for car
Clothes /shoes for kids

We both put money towards Christmas and Birthday presents.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

68 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
37%
You are NOT being unreasonable
63%
Makeitmakesensetoday · 02/02/2024 14:12

Why did he change jobs and take a major pay cut??

Rather than yours and his you need to pool your money then split it 60/40 etc proportionately.

Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 14:16

New job is a job for life, good benefits and wages will increase. He was burnt out after twenty five years in the construction industry. Hours are regular now and he has more time of.

OP posts:
3luckystars · 02/02/2024 14:19

It’s impossible to say because we don’t know how much any of those things cost.

The £200 he used to give you, was that for groceries?

Craver · 02/02/2024 14:27

Why not put all the money earned into one pot- pay the bills, mortgage, housekeeping & expenses - then divide what left 50:50- Seems the fairest.

Luxell934 · 02/02/2024 14:27

Well I’m guessing you don’t share finances in a joint account?

Personally if it was me I wouldn’t expect my husband to “give” me £200 a month, I’d just expect it to be in the joint account for us both to access 🤷🏻‍♀️ I just don’t understand all this yours and mine crap when you’ve been together such a long time.

Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 14:28

200 wasn't for groceries. I generally paid for everything from my illness payment and tried to save the 200.

My income will now be 720 weekly with new job and illness payment. It was 620 with illness payment and 200 from DH.

DH takes home 3800 a month. This can vary with overtime.

Mortgage 1200
Tv/Internet 100
Sports fees 60
Bins 40

Me
Groceries 800
Car Tax 45
Car Ins 70
Hous Ins 35
Elect/Gas 400
Phones 40
Diesel 200

OP posts:
DistinguishedSocialCommenator · 02/02/2024 14:32

Maariage is not what it was. No offence to OP

We've been married just over 40 years. I was 19 and my OH was a couple of years older.

Though we had seprate current accounts, we had joint savings, joint mortages etc - last 25 years we've had jint cc's and joint current accoutns, jint everything other than the cars where you cant have more than one name on it. Yes I know the log book/V5 is not proof of ownership

Trust is the key and there is no reason why money is not pooled - buy all means keep tabs and justifications on spending.

When I was younger, I take night out moneis for the week everything else was pooled

fishonabicycle · 02/02/2024 14:34

So basically you pay out more than him and he earns about 4.5 times what you do? That is totally fucked! The easiest thing to do is both pay a chunk into a joint account and leave yourselves a reasonably even amount of spending money in your own accounts.

Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 14:36

My income is 2800 monthly and his is 3800 monthly. I also keep the child benefit.

OP posts:
Testina · 02/02/2024 14:39

Ugh. See when he was giving pocket money, did it not make your vagina clamp shut? What a passion killer, being treated like a child. This set up is ridiculous. You are married and you have children - pool the money, pay the bills, save, then allow exactly the same discretionary spends.

GrumpyPanda · 02/02/2024 14:42

Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 14:36

My income is 2800 monthly and his is 3800 monthly. I also keep the child benefit.

Nonetheless. You earn less but pay for considerably more than he AND in addition do an extra two days of household work. Completely unacceptable. At the very least get him to take over the combined 600 electricity and diesel payments.

Britpop123 · 02/02/2024 14:44

Is the car yours or shared?

Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 14:45

Thank you, I do feel like I pay my fair share. I will still do the majority of the household chores too due to his shift pattern. Im very good with money and save as much as I can. DH has a more relaxed attitude, doesn't save and can be careless with money. This is why as a compromise I suggested the 800 a month be saved in a joint savings account.

OP posts:
crumblingschools · 02/02/2024 14:46

Can you do a spreadsheet and show how much you both receive and pay out?

Why won’t he do a joint account?

Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 14:46

I own it and paid for it. We both use it as he had to return the company vehicle he had when he started the new job.

OP posts:
Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 14:48

He will do a joint account but he doesn't want to save the 800 in a joint account, he wants to keep it in his current account as he feels that he is broke all the time after paying for things.

OP posts:
riverlodge90 · 02/02/2024 14:49

This is so odd to me. We have one joint account and everything goes into that. We have two savings accounts we both can access. There is no who pays what or earns what. I find this so strange you're a team?

riverlodge90 · 02/02/2024 14:50

Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 14:36

My income is 2800 monthly and his is 3800 monthly. I also keep the child benefit.

How are you claiming child benefit on 3800 NET? This is over 60k annual

Therealjudgejudy · 02/02/2024 14:50

Pay all bills proportionate to income and have the same discretionary spending money each. Anything else is unfair.

And he should be pulling his weight with housework.

HowDoTheyGetThroughLife · 02/02/2024 14:51

Your wage and illness payment = £720 a week, you say.
720 X 52 =37,440.
34,440 divided by 12 months = £3,120 per month.

3,120

  • 3,800
  • 6,920 a month or sometimes more. Plus whatever the child benefit is. That's a lot more than many people get.

    Minus the figures you quote above = £2990 left over
Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 14:53

Don't live in the UK

OP posts:
LifeExperience · 02/02/2024 14:57

What @DistinguishedSocialCommenator said. Marriage used to mean that both spouses pooled their incomes and agreed on outgoings. Now it's everyone for themselves. Dh and I combined our incomes when we got married over 33 years ago and never looked back, and I cannot remember ever having an argument about money.

KreedKafer · 02/02/2024 14:58

riverlodge90 · 02/02/2024 14:50

How are you claiming child benefit on 3800 NET? This is over 60k annual

Child benefit isn’t means-tested. If you earn over £50K you have to pay tax on it, but you’re still entitled to it.

Glittering1 · 02/02/2024 15:00

KreedKafer · 02/02/2024 14:58

Child benefit isn’t means-tested. If you earn over £50K you have to pay tax on it, but you’re still entitled to it.

Child benefit is not means tested in the country I live in. Everybody gets the same amount regardless of income or assets..

OP posts:
ShazzaF · 02/02/2024 15:14

Your husband is very clearly being unfair, but I can't understand having separate finances in a marriage in the first place - and my husband and I are only in our twenties, and I don't think we're particularly old fashioned!!

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