DH and Money

[Glittering1]

I have been a SAHM for few years now and have suffered with ill health. I have just recently started a part time job, three days a week. My DH started a new job last September and took a major paycut. He would give me 200 a week. I also received an illness payment. DH has now said that seen as I'm back working he won't be giving me the 200 a week, that's fair enough. I did say that's fine but I would like the 800 put into a joint savings account every month. He doesn't want to do this, wants to keep the 800 in his account. Just to be clear the lists below have been this way for years. This is what we both pay for:

DH
Mortgage
Bins
Internet/TV
Kids Sports Fees
Clothes/shoes for kids

Me
Groceries
Car tax
Car insurance
House insurance
Gas/Electricity
Kids mobiles
Kids school trips
Diesel for car
Clothes /shoes for kids

We both put money towards Christmas and Birthday presents.

@caringcarer @Glittering1 Exactly. What is actually happening is that he is keeping a large part of his earnings for himself. He thinks of it as "his money", it is not his money, it is family money, he has also normalized you to this mindset/way of thinking by the sounds of things. The work you do/did caring for children has the same value as his work, even if he doesn't think so. To make this more plain/obvious, imagine that you should charge him for the childcare that you provide. Would he still be able to spend so much money on himself then?

@Glittering1 You should feel more vulnerable not having a joint account. This essentially allows him to stash money away for himself. You keep thinking of his money as being his and your money as being yours, this is not the case legally.

You need a spreadsheet of all expenditure; you both pay percentages dependant on your income and a sum for ad hoc expenditure or school stuff the same way. Pay into a joint account that you both have access to and can view.

He doesn't get to keep his entire salary for himself..what is it with people...you're a team (allegedly anyway).

I understand what you mean OP, I was married to a man that was awful with money too, and they will spend anything they have access to. The issue isn't that you aren't pooling money but that the costs are split disproportionately to income. Based on the figures you should pay bills equal to about 1250, instead of the 1600 you are paying and your DH should pay 1750. Has your DH seen your figures and explained why he is always broke with so much more disposable income than you?

This isn't much of a partnership is it? You're guarding "your" savings. He's withholding "his" wages. I never understand the point of a marriage on these terms. If you're not in it together, what's the point?

Bins? Is this council tax as you haven’t mentioned that and £40 for cleaning bins seems high but fit council seems low?

Distinguished..
You're certainly correct in what you say. Another one here who been married 40+ yrs. We had separate money until we had DC when I stopped work because I couldn't earn enough to cover childcare (yes even 40 yrs ago it was prohibitively expensive if you didn't have family to help out). As soon as I left work we opened a joint account and DH money went it and covered everything. When I returned to work my wages went it the same account and everything was paid from there. Now we are OAPs we still do the same. He has always had a higher income and has never asked me what I've spent or why. It helps that we are both responsible with money and don't run up debts. We have separate savings split 50/50. Partnerships don't seem to have the same level of trust or commitment these days, it's rather sad.
I don't really have any advice OP but I'm sorry you're stuck with a penny pincher.

We are together 25 years. He's definitely not a penny pincher. His income has dropped significantly which is why he wants to keep the 800 a month he gave to me previously.I want it saved.

But you don’t want to share your savings with him OP, and you don’t want to pool all money because you think you might be worse off.

You’re both doing exactly the same thing, which is looking out for your own financial interests.

As someone said above, you're on 3120 a month and I'm guessing you're in Ireland because the CB isn't means tested which means you get another €280 for 2 children.

You pay out €1600, DH pays out €1400, leaving you with €1800 a month and him with €2400 so him saving 800 a month would leave him with less than you.

To keep things fair, he should save €600 a month but if you're protecting your savings, I can see why he won't share his with you. Either everything is joint or it's not.

And that tax is on a sliding scale from 0% to 100% depending on salary so really it is means tested. Earn over £50k and you start to loose it. Earn over £60k and it’s gone!

Having a joint account isn’t the only way to be a team financially. My household is a family, financially we are a team, we don’t have a joint account, it works for us

That was my reading too. OP pays £100s more per month, but hasn’t had earnings until recently. Seems roundly unfair.