To think that someone involved in safeguarding...

[LostPurpleKipper]

wouldn't think it OK to leave a 12 year old DC alone for 2-3 hours in the evening?
Yes, they are mature enough to look after themselves... BUT they are massively afraid of the dark (parent is not obvious to this). The last occasion, DC couldn't get to the downstairs loo in time (things left in the way). They were too scared to climb the stairs to the other bathroom and wet themselves 😢
I find this upsetting, to say the least, and I wouldn't do the same if I knew DC was scared. Or AIBU and a pearl clutcher as this parent is educated in safeguarding?

It is not ok to leave anyone of any age alone if they are that frightened

This is an odd one. Those fears seem a bit extreme for a 12yo, suggesting that they might be quite anxious, in which case it doesn't seem sensible to leave them alone for a prolonged period of time. However, it's not clear whether the parent is aware or not? Also what does "things left in the way mean?" Surely a NT 12yo would switch a light on? Or do you mean the house is so cluttered you can't move around freely? In which case it seems there are other problems as well.

The age is a bit irrelevant as 12 is fine to be left for a couple of hours. I guess it’s their needs that are an issue. Like others said that does seem extreme. weren’t they able to turn lights on to go to the toilet? But no if a child is soiling themselves because they are not able to cope alone then clearly they need support and to be looked after until they are able to be alone.

Is this an ex of yours? Who's told you all of this?

The parent is definitely aware and let's DC sleep in their bed.
The downstairs loo was filled with DIY equipment on that occasion and DC just couldn't move it all in time.

I am involved with safeguarding and I wok leave my 12 year old alone for a couple of hours... but only if they were comfortable with it.

Why couldn't they just turn the light on? Assume dc has SN?

So did they wet themselves through fear/being unable to get to a toilet because of fear or because they couldn’t get to the toilet in time because it was filled with crap?

Why didn't they turn on the light and go upstairs to the loo?

Fine to leave N average 12 year old for that time but this 12 year old sounds like they have other things going on if they are too scared to go upstairs in their own home which changes things slightly.

So they were left for 2 hours and in that 2 hrs they were so desperate they wet themselves? Do they require to be taken to the loo at other times?

I’m involved in safeguarding and would have no issue leaving my 12 yo alone for a couple of hours. But she is able to meet her own basic needs including preparing food etc. A child who is unable to initiate self care to the degree you describe is a different matter.

Is this your ex partner?

I don't think it's a safeguarding concern, per se, unless there's an EHCP or similar in place stating child needs assistance with the toilet.

I wouldn't do it and I'm guessing you wouldn't either. But his parenting style is probably different to yours.

If it’s dark (child is in the UK) early than our 12 year old would be fine on her own early evening (around 4.30-7pm) I think after that she would get nervous though as outside becomes quieter too as people are back in their houses more in the winter. Rather than earlier more people/cars etc milling about

If it was 8/9pm in the winter I don’t think my 12 year old would like it so much either tbh.

Depends on your relationship with the DC/parents etc I guess a bit

Fine to leave a 12y old alone for a few hours. I work in safeguarding children.

You state that the reason they wet themself was due to them going to the downstairs loo and discovering they couldn't get to it due to diy stuff being in the way, and they couldn't make it in time to the upstairs loo. Surely that scenario thy would have wet themself regardless of whether someone was in the house with them.

You sound like you want someone to get into trouble.

Why can’t the 12 yo turn a light on? Or wee in the kitchen sink. That’s very odd behaviour to wet themselves so I’m not convinced I believe that part. That aside, I have 2 12-year-olds and both would be totally fine to be home alone for 2-3 hours. They occasionally walk into town with friends after school to a coffee shop and home after which is far more dangerous (they keep in touch on the phone).

Oh and my dtds often ask for a mummy sleep over. You sound like you’re trying to make a normal parent out to be a villain.

Nope. Just curious because it's odd to me. If you know your DC is really freaked out by the dark, why would you regularly arrange to go out and leave them when it's dark?

@LostPurpleKipper because homes have light switches?

Is this your child and your ex?

There isn't a safeguarding issue, there is maybe questionable parenting and a child who needs support in managing their anxiety.

Why can't they have the lights on?

So in winter they shouldn't be left alone after 5pm because it's dark? That's ridiculous op. Be scared isn't the same as not being safe. At what age should the be left if they are scared? 14? 16? 20? 30? You can be scared of the dark at any age. But you learn to cope by switching a light on, making sure doors are locked and getting on with life. 12 is an ok age to be learning this.

Yet another late night thread about child wetting started by a new poster. Careful what you share, folks.

That’s a very unusual 12 year old if they wet themselves in a house with two toilets. I assume there’s something more going on so perhaps they aren’t able to stay at home alone the way I would expect most 12 year olds could.

Good to know. If a 12 year old DC is scared in the dark, and a parent knows exactly how scared they are, it's OK to leave them.