To not want to postpone DCs birthday treat because they can't come?

[edgaregg]

It's coming up to our DS's birthday and we decided to take a weekend break at a theme park with me DH and my parents.

DS's birthday is on the Tuesday and we'd be going Saturday day, staying over night and coming back Sunday evening.

The plan was originally meant to include two DSC who are DS's half siblings. Technically said weekend is their mum's weekend although we are all usually very flexible but when DH mentioned the dates she has said they have plans (fair enough).

DH now thinks we should change the whole thing and do it another weekend when DSC can come. I disagree as it's for DS's birthday and, to be honest, I don't think he'd do badly from having something like this where he's the sole focus anyway. There is a bit of an age gap between them so it's probably ideal anyway.

DH thinks DSC would be upset not to come.

AIBU not wanting to postpone our DCs birthday treat to wait for DSC to be able to join us?

I wouldn’t change it no.

What does your DS want? Would they prefer to have their siblings there to have fun with them or have alone time with parents?

I'd ask your DS what he wants to do - would he rather change the weekend for his siblings to come or happy to go in his own. And follow his lead.

I just knew this was going to be about DSCs. How old is your DS and how old are the DSC?

Depends whether the other children have been told they were going. If they know nothing about it I wouldn't bother changing it, but if they do...I probably would. Since the actual birthday is midweek, either weekend would be equally fine.

As the birthday is on a Tuesday I would be happy to do the weekend before or the weekend after. Makes no difference really.

I wouldn’t change it. It’s for his birthday. It wasn’t a birthday treat for them

I’d ask your DS what he wants.

How old are the kids and how often are the sdc with you?

I was also going to say what would DS prefer?

As his birthday is a Tuesday, what’s wrong with the weekend after? Surely it’s much the same?

But obviously don’t tell the DSC it’s your DS’s choice if he prefers to go without them! Just say it couldn’t be changed or something.

Completely agree with this! What difference does it make? You sound happy to exclude them. You’re setting a precedent that they’re not part of his birthday celebrations and to me that is really sad and will impact how they see their relationship.

Bring it forward to the weekend before

As others have said!

No reason for them to miss out if your DS enjoys ther company

Go with what your DS wants. If his birthday is on a Tuesday, it doesn’t matter if you go the weekend before or after.

Without a doubt I would love it a week so the whole family can be there.

Have something on the birthday boy's big day and then a little party when the other children are there, pizza and cake and a movie.

Yeh i agree to check what ds wants. Our eldest went to his dads alternative weekends and we always planned things for weekends we knew he would be home. Theme parks are usually more fun with other kids. Depends on the age gap though I suppose.

Unless you can't get a refund or the grandparents can't make the weekend before/after then I would move the date to include the SC.

Theme parks are usually more fun with other kids.

I agree with this. Assuming your DS isn’t under 3, it’ll be more fun with the DSC as well.

Thinking a bit more about it:

I think you also underestimate how much children of the first (or earlier) marriage feel any signs that there is a new “little family” that they aren’t part of. It’s very hurtful for them.

Id say it was much more important to have them there than the GPs - I’m surprised GPs would want to come to a theme park to be honest 😂 Unless my parents are the odd balls.

I think it would be lovely for your ds to be the sole focus and have gps attention. I would not cancel

Well the gps stwvjyst his not joint so he shoyjd have their attention s year.

Logistically how do ages work -who would go off on different rides and would the older 2 need an adult and who would that be?

As others have said it’s not actually his birthday during the planned break surely switching the weekend would be feasible? Put it this way, if your partner arranged something for your stepchild’s actual birthday and your joint child had a clashing event your partner hadn’t known about would you be good with son being left at home with you and missed out entirely if your partner insisted the stepchild’s treat must proceed as planned? I think not.

I feel postpone is a bit disingenuous here. You planned it without them- so it's not like they're causing it to be postponed, you just planned it for when they're unavailable.

No she didn’t plan it like that, that’s just how her son’s birthday falls 🙄