Husband left baby 'trying to nap' for 2.5 hours?

[justkeepmumming]

My husband gave our baby (12mo) a bottle at 12.30 then took them up to bed, said he gave them a kiss and left. This is what I do and usually he will babble and roll around for 5/10 mins then go to sleep. My husband said an hour later he was still awake, just rolling around in his bed. He went back up and patted his back said goodnight then went back downstairs. Apparently baby still wouldn't sleep and was on/off crying for the next hour. He went up and tried rocking him for 5 minutes then left again. I just got home and can hear baby whinging as they've now been laying awake in bed for 2.5 hours.

I'm really annoyed? Why would you not think "guess he isn't napping!" And get him up. Why would you try and get him to sleep for that long? That's just awful to leave him up there for 2.5 hours?

(Posting this after retrieving said baby - by the way! He isn't still up there!)

I guess your DH couldn't win in this situation. If he'd have got the baby back up, you might have complained baby hadn't had a nap. Or if baby had fallen asleep on him downstairs, you'd have complained that DH hadn't followed the usual routine?
I'd go easy on him, it sounds like he's tried.

So he can't be arsed with dc today? Imagine having that option?

Some people wouldn't realise that 'lying there not napping but grizzling/crying' = stress = less beneficial than just staying up.

In their mind the nap is SO important that it must be pushed for at all cost... and so they persist beyond the point of it being useful/good for whoever it is thats meant to be napping! (It really doesn't matter if its a kid, toddler, adult, or even what species tbh. Sleep is good. Stress is bad!)

And the manchilds mission is complete.

Well it depends... how long was the baby actually crying?
If its a usual nap time and baby was awake lying there but not crying i personally would leave baby there for the duration of the nap. To keep the routine. How long was the nap actually supposed to be?

He went back at least twice in that time by your own account, and was clearly monitoring him closely so I don't see the problem.

Why would OP complain about that?

Are you both becoming so obsessed with naps that you are forgetting to respond to baby's cues?

FFs it's a fucking low bar isn't it?

You won't get him to do nap time again then. His mission accomplished

this, he doesnt want to be left to do menial childcare tasks, that is women's work, so he deliberately upsets the baby knowing this will make you OP stressed/upset/guilty/angry and you wont want to risk leaving him in sole charge again.
(I have a male acquaintance who openly admitted to doing this when he was asked to care for his baby grandchild for an hour)

Because new mums are notoriously precious about nap routines, once they're established (I know I was a bit.) OP did explain the 'usual routine'
It's not a dig at her. Just perspective from someone who's been there, done that and can now give an outsiders point of view.

Why's it a low bar? He tried to get the baby asleep. He followed the usual routine. Unless the baby was left screaming crying (which it doesn't sound like they were) It's a bit of a storm in a tea cup.

how Long does the baby usually nap for?

To be honest, if the baby wasn't crying and seemed content I'd happily leave them to it. I remember how exhausting it is with a baby and how you need a break sometimes! You say you cane back to the baby whinging. If it had only just started whinging then that's fine. If it was whinging for 2 hours, that's not fine.

Why was he so fucking useless today? Your baby is 12m old, surely the Dad has put him down for nap before? Did he not realise that's not the normal routine? What was he doing when you got in? As that might tell us his priority list. I hope not though. I really hope he was just having an incredibly stupid day and that your baby isn't distressed.

I would hit the roof. Leaving a baby for all of that time to cry for that length of time is utterly shit parenting!!!!

I would be livid. So distressing for the baby.

2.5 hours!

Honestly, I find this utterly disgusting parenting. Your poor baby crying and realising no one is coming for them.

It depends on whether the baby was actively crying / getting stressed and being ignored or if he was having a bit of a grumble on and off but largely content. I had my DC quite a while ago but didn't go to them immediately every time they cried out. If he is usually an active, capable and caring parent I'd give him the benefit of the doubt this time.

Nothing wrong with a baby awake in a cot at what should be nap time. If he was content enough for the first hour that's fine, but at the point he started crying I'd have got him up. Still, I don't think was massively out of line here.

The people here immediately jumping to your DH purposefully causing distress to his own child so he doesn’t have to do nap time again are honestly disgusting.

I’m guessing this is your first baby? He did what he thought was right. He tried to encourage baby to nap in different ways several times. The baby wasn’t screaming for 2.5 hours, he was babbling and grizzling on and off.

A simple “oh yeah when that happens I just pick him up after 1/2 hour as it’s obvious he just isn’t going to nap” and problem solved. People will say “well he should know”. It’s completely normal for the primary caregiver to know more about the ins and outs and techniques and routines for a baby because they are doing it the majority of the time. Out of choice. No one holds a gun to your head.

Immediately jumping to trying to upset baby on purpose is an abhorrent suggestion for strangers to make about a man they have never met based on one story from one perspective.

Jesus christ the responses on here are wild. Have I missed something or is the child absolutely fine, was being checked on regularly by it's equal parent and grizzling rather than screaming the house down when mum returned?

You all go on about this weaponised incompetence and in the same breath refuse to let men have their own autonomy whatsoever.

What's 'wild' to me is the notion that leaving a 12 month old baby alone and struggling to nap/distressed is okay in some people's eyes. It's not even bedtime, it's a nap! It's ridiculously cruel in my mind. Stay with baby until they are napping or give up and forget it. It's not alright to leave them staring at the ceiling for 2 plus hours.