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Original poster

Husband left baby 'trying to nap' for 2.5 hours?

65 replies

justkeepmumming · 01/02/2024 15:10

My husband gave our baby (12mo) a bottle at 12.30 then took them up to bed, said he gave them a kiss and left. This is what I do and usually he will babble and roll around for 5/10 mins then go to sleep. My husband said an hour later he was still awake, just rolling around in his bed. He went back up and patted his back said goodnight then went back downstairs. Apparently baby still wouldn't sleep and was on/off crying for the next hour. He went up and tried rocking him for 5 minutes then left again. I just got home and can hear baby whinging as they've now been laying awake in bed for 2.5 hours.

I'm really annoyed? Why would you not think "guess he isn't napping!" And get him up. Why would you try and get him to sleep for that long? That's just awful to leave him up there for 2.5 hours?

OP posts:
Screwballs · 01/02/2024 20:01

tellstales · 01/02/2024 19:57

What's 'wild' to me is the notion that leaving a 12 month old baby alone and struggling to nap/distressed is okay in some people's eyes. It's not even bedtime, it's a nap! It's ridiculously cruel in my mind. Stay with baby until they are napping or give up and forget it. It's not alright to leave them staring at the ceiling for 2 plus hours.

Mum herself says she leaves the child awake to fall asleep after 5-10 minutes. It's a 1 year old not a 1 month old. If it was that unhappy, the whole street would have known about it, not exactly known for not making a fuss are they.

WaterHound · 01/02/2024 20:02

tellstales · 01/02/2024 19:57

What's 'wild' to me is the notion that leaving a 12 month old baby alone and struggling to nap/distressed is okay in some people's eyes. It's not even bedtime, it's a nap! It's ridiculously cruel in my mind. Stay with baby until they are napping or give up and forget it. It's not alright to leave them staring at the ceiling for 2 plus hours.

Completely agree.

Fionaville · 01/02/2024 20:02

tellstales · 01/02/2024 19:57

What's 'wild' to me is the notion that leaving a 12 month old baby alone and struggling to nap/distressed is okay in some people's eyes. It's not even bedtime, it's a nap! It's ridiculously cruel in my mind. Stay with baby until they are napping or give up and forget it. It's not alright to leave them staring at the ceiling for 2 plus hours.

But that's not what happened. The DH went upstairs several times according to OP.
I've never left a baby to cry it out, but it doesn't sound like that's what's happened here at all.
How many times have mums complained that the dad/nan didn't get the baby down for their lunchtime nap, so now baby is sleeping at 4 o'clock, so won't sleep at bedtime? Plenty. I suspect that's been the dad's worry here.

2Old2Tango · 01/02/2024 20:04

PeppermintMandy · 01/02/2024 19:49

The people here immediately jumping to your DH purposefully causing distress to his own child so he doesn’t have to do nap time again are honestly disgusting.

I’m guessing this is your first baby? He did what he thought was right. He tried to encourage baby to nap in different ways several times. The baby wasn’t screaming for 2.5 hours, he was babbling and grizzling on and off.

A simple “oh yeah when that happens I just pick him up after 1/2 hour as it’s obvious he just isn’t going to nap” and problem solved. People will say “well he should know”. It’s completely normal for the primary caregiver to know more about the ins and outs and techniques and routines for a baby because they are doing it the majority of the time. Out of choice. No one holds a gun to your head.

Immediately jumping to trying to upset baby on purpose is an abhorrent suggestion for strangers to make about a man they have never met based on one story from one perspective.

THIS 👆👆

tellstales · 01/02/2024 20:05

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Screwballs · 01/02/2024 20:08

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I'm sorry, why are we throwing around disgusting comments about my own fertility here? Are you used to using vile statements to enforce your opinion on others?

Screwballs · 01/02/2024 20:10

PeppermintMandy · 01/02/2024 19:49

The people here immediately jumping to your DH purposefully causing distress to his own child so he doesn’t have to do nap time again are honestly disgusting.

I’m guessing this is your first baby? He did what he thought was right. He tried to encourage baby to nap in different ways several times. The baby wasn’t screaming for 2.5 hours, he was babbling and grizzling on and off.

A simple “oh yeah when that happens I just pick him up after 1/2 hour as it’s obvious he just isn’t going to nap” and problem solved. People will say “well he should know”. It’s completely normal for the primary caregiver to know more about the ins and outs and techniques and routines for a baby because they are doing it the majority of the time. Out of choice. No one holds a gun to your head.

Immediately jumping to trying to upset baby on purpose is an abhorrent suggestion for strangers to make about a man they have never met based on one story from one perspective.

I completely agree, this forum is so hateful, it's beyond comprehension. You only need a brief delve into Mumsnet to understand why divorce rates are so high.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 01/02/2024 20:11

SallyWD · 01/02/2024 18:13

To be honest, if the baby wasn't crying and seemed content I'd happily leave them to it. I remember how exhausting it is with a baby and how you need a break sometimes! You say you cane back to the baby whinging. If it had only just started whinging then that's fine. If it was whinging for 2 hours, that's not fine.

This.

If baby is largely happy i leave them upstairs in their cot. You never know when they'll finally drift off to sleep.

tellstales · 01/02/2024 20:14

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ExcitingRicotta · 01/02/2024 20:17

PeppermintMandy · 01/02/2024 19:49

The people here immediately jumping to your DH purposefully causing distress to his own child so he doesn’t have to do nap time again are honestly disgusting.

I’m guessing this is your first baby? He did what he thought was right. He tried to encourage baby to nap in different ways several times. The baby wasn’t screaming for 2.5 hours, he was babbling and grizzling on and off.

A simple “oh yeah when that happens I just pick him up after 1/2 hour as it’s obvious he just isn’t going to nap” and problem solved. People will say “well he should know”. It’s completely normal for the primary caregiver to know more about the ins and outs and techniques and routines for a baby because they are doing it the majority of the time. Out of choice. No one holds a gun to your head.

Immediately jumping to trying to upset baby on purpose is an abhorrent suggestion for strangers to make about a man they have never met based on one story from one perspective.

This!! Some of the comments on this thread are nuts.

If the babe would normally have napped for that time and wasn’t unhappy, what’s the harm in him chilling out in his cot? Maybe he did doze on and off? As long as he was keeping a close eye.

Screwballs · 01/02/2024 20:19

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I don't have fertility issues, I'm pregnant, you said you hope I don't have children, what does my fertility have to do with you in the slightest and why are you using it to force your opinion on me? I stated nothing about dad having a few hours to himself by way of justifying the situation, so your point to me is utterly irrelevant.

I will bring my child up as I see fit, preferably without all the unnecessary hysteria.

YoBeaches · 01/02/2024 20:24

Have you asked your husband why he did it, rather than internet strangers?

WaterHound · 01/02/2024 20:25

Screwballs · 01/02/2024 20:10

I completely agree, this forum is so hateful, it's beyond comprehension. You only need a brief delve into Mumsnet to understand why divorce rates are so high.

Show quote history

Yes indeed. The amount of wanker men around is shocking really. It's great that this forum exists so that women get the support they need. 💪

Spiderzed · 01/02/2024 20:27

Sounds fine for the first hour when baby was 'rolling around and not upset. I'd be annoyed that he checked on them and then left them crying on and off for over an hour though. I agree with others he either couldn't be arsed or is hoping you won't ask him to cover naps again.

tellstales · 01/02/2024 20:29

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DrinkFeckArseBrick · 01/02/2024 20:30

If the baby was screaming the whole time then that's shit obviously. If the baby was having some quiet time, a bit of babbling and a bit of grizzling but wasn't upset, and he went up a couple of times, then the baby and him got some rest and the rest of the day probably went better than if he had played with the baby for the time that he should have napped. The baby was safe and sounded relatively happy. This isn't anyone being unreasonable it's a difference of opinion about approach.

Screwballs · 01/02/2024 20:32

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I didn't need telling your opinion for a third time. What is wrong with you? Where did you grow this sense of sheer entitlement to being "right"?

I do not need your hopes or desires in any way, shape or form towards my future child.

Screwballs · 01/02/2024 20:34

WaterHound · 01/02/2024 20:25

Yes indeed. The amount of wanker men around is shocking really. It's great that this forum exists so that women get the support they need. 💪

Edited
Show quote history

Golly, yes, thank goodness for that, this forum is truly so very supportive of other women 😂

tellstales · 01/02/2024 20:40

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Screwballs · 01/02/2024 20:52

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Attempting to compare me to a murderer for not agreeing with your view is pathetic. Learn how to have a debate that does not constantly require you to resort to vile statements in order for you to feel you are winning. You really ought to be disgusted with yourself.

tellstales · 01/02/2024 21:02

@Screwballs The irony of being called 'vile' by someone who advocates for letting a 12 month old baby cry in a room alone for 2 hours mid afternoon, and then says it's okay if the neighbours can't hear the commotion, is not lost on me.

Talkwhilstyouwalk · 01/02/2024 21:08

tellstales · 01/02/2024 21:02

@Screwballs The irony of being called 'vile' by someone who advocates for letting a 12 month old baby cry in a room alone for 2 hours mid afternoon, and then says it's okay if the neighbours can't hear the commotion, is not lost on me.

But he didn't leave the baby to cry on his own for two hours! The baby was fine for the first hour, just not napping at his normal nap time......

You seem very angry, at no point was the baby in distress. At this age a 2.5 hour nap at this kind of time is normal, and if they are not asleep then the hope is that they fall asleep. The baby was hardly screaming down the house.....

Goldbar · 01/02/2024 21:19

Fionaville · 01/02/2024 15:14

I guess your DH couldn't win in this situation. If he'd have got the baby back up, you might have complained baby hadn't had a nap. Or if baby had fallen asleep on him downstairs, you'd have complained that DH hadn't followed the usual routine?
I'd go easy on him, it sounds like he's tried.

Why are women expected to "go easy" on men who leave their children to suffer in distress? What's next? He CBA to feed the baby a decent meal so gives them biscuits? Oh "go easy on him, at least he fed them something."

ChedderGorgeous · 01/02/2024 21:21

Where did you husband go off to ? Where were you ?

ChannelyourinnerElsa · 01/02/2024 21:23

@PeppermintMandy o also completely
agree. Mumsnet has so much projection it’s like a 50s cinema.