Husband left baby 'trying to nap' for 2.5 hours?

[justkeepmumming]

My husband gave our baby (12mo) a bottle at 12.30 then took them up to bed, said he gave them a kiss and left. This is what I do and usually he will babble and roll around for 5/10 mins then go to sleep. My husband said an hour later he was still awake, just rolling around in his bed. He went back up and patted his back said goodnight then went back downstairs. Apparently baby still wouldn't sleep and was on/off crying for the next hour. He went up and tried rocking him for 5 minutes then left again. I just got home and can hear baby whinging as they've now been laying awake in bed for 2.5 hours.

I'm really annoyed? Why would you not think "guess he isn't napping!" And get him up. Why would you try and get him to sleep for that long? That's just awful to leave him up there for 2.5 hours?

Where does it say the baby has suffered distress? It doesn't even say the baby was crying. He kept going up to check on the baby, kissed them, rocked them, patted them, basically tried to keep to the nap schedule. It's it big leap to say he's a neglectful dad who'll feed his kids biscuits for dinner.

I wouldn't be angry he tried to- the baby could have fallen asleep after 45 mins then you wouldn't be angry

This is bullshit. No one year old would be laid on their back happily staring at the ceiling 2.5 hours! They would be stood up, clambering at the bars trying to get out!

Oh FFS. The baby wasn't screaming in distress. The other parent - you know, the one with equal rights to decide how to look after the children? - went up to check on him several times, patted him, made sure he was ok. Doesn't sound like he would have left the baby screaming in distress. Yes, it's not ideal and not how OP might have managed it but it's not going to have caused some traumatic, irreparable harm and doesn't make him a useless parent - and this is from someone very baby-led and responsive to my child's needs etc. Like OP, I'd have got the baby up sooner, if they clearly weren't going to sleep, but he doesn't deserve the ridiculous pile on. The histrionics over something very minor are quite something.

It's sounds more like this baby had a few broken/ truncated sleep cycles - basically a shite nap and the dad was hopeful the baby would get a proper sleep and go back down. Christ, haven't we all been there? This baby is clearly safe and loved, everyone needs to calm down.

No harm done, I'd forget about it!

Not necessarily. My children have always been happy to just be in their cot, play with toys in there. They've never tried to climb out.

It isn't bullshit, they sleep in a single bed on the floor so no bars, there is a gap in the bottom corner where they can get in and out (using ikea kura as a floor bed) but they can't crawl, stand or walk yet. They can roll but not easy to roll into the one gap where they could get out in a sleeping bag. Not all 12 month olds are mobile yet.

I don't really understand the people say he can't win either way, I wouldn't of cared at all if he said that baby didn't want a nap. I care about 2.5 hours of a babies day being spent in a cot wide awake and not interacting with his dad on his one day off with him. It's laziness.

Im not sure what your question to the forum is then, you clearly dont think YABU, so why ask?

i was way more precious about my child being responded to as a new mother than any sleep routine. I’d be really upset with him OP - leaving a small child in crib crying on and off for over two hours makes me feel really uncomfortable - really sad for the poor baby, I actually can’t imagine how he could do this.

Tbh I would have left a child that was content but occasionally drizzling in a cot if it was nap time and I thought they would fall asleep. Somes downtime/ low stimulation is what is needed rather than a nap.

Full on crying- I would be having words but that doesn't appear to be what he did.

My children were not the type to roll around happily in a cot to get to sleep though

These lucky people who have small children who nap for 2.5 hours. Mine lightly dozed for half an hour if I was lucky. By 14 months I dropped the naps completely because a 15 minute nap at 1pm meant they wouldn’t sleep at night.

They are still shite sleepers…

And lol at the idea that they’d have lain in bed for 2.5 hours trying to sleep.

Red flag. Husband sounds like a wanker. Why are you still with him? Divorce asap. Template Mumsnet advice for any situation.

Erm if he wasn’t crying then it’s fine right? Because if he HAD slept then that 2.5 hours he wouldn’t have interacted with his dad anyway.

It’s perfectly okay to leave an awake baby to their own devices and check in on them periodically.

If the baby was in distress there would have been screaming. Is it that you feel that you would have done it differently and lost out on afternoon down time to entertain the kid and he was happy to let the kid be (again without screaming)? We all do things differently.

When we fly long haul (my kids are older) DH is always checking in on them, fussing, trying to keep them going. I hand them a bag of activities and let them be. They are almost 8 and 13 so don’t need me to entertain them. DH does the same when we go on long drives. Sees it as his time to chat with them, sing with them. Whereas I hand them their Kindles/Yoto players and just drive. Not in total silence but I am not talking all the way. It doesn’t mean I am neglectful and he’s dad of the year.