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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD and her Teddy Bear

63 replies

Emirie · 01/02/2024 06:41

I don't want to say something to DD if it isn't necessary so looking for thoughts.

DD is 17 nearly 18, big summer plans from travelling Europe to party holiday. She's generally independent well adjusted etc.

However DD has a teddy bear, shes had it for 11/12 years, from build a bear, and she never sleeps without it. It's not unusual for DD to come and get the bear before staying at a friends if it is impromptu, she has taken the bear to school a fair few times (in a separate bag, now the bear stays in the car when she's at school if she takes it). Basically she can't be without the bear!!

DD is going to Europe to travel for 4 weeks in July. She is insisting she will take the teddy with her. She's taking her main big backpack then a second one which she will use on days out where they aren't travelling that her Teddy will fit in.

Now the bear is a bit ... worse for wear so no one is likely to steal it and my mum is making the bear a cardigan with a pocket for an AirTag.

But AIBU to think it's not a good idea to take the bear?
I honestly think DD would grieve for the bear like it was a real person if anything happened to it!!

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 01/02/2024 06:51

It’s fine to take the bear. There’s other things I’d worry about when a teen is travelling Europe!

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 01/02/2024 06:51

Having lost my Dad's precious snuggly on a train (she never knew because we had a spare, but I'm still gutted), I think you're probably right. However, she's about to be an adult and she needs to make these decisions for herself.

ThreePointOneFourOneFiveNine · 01/02/2024 06:52

My DD's precious snuggly that should say! Stupid phone! I don't think my dad has a precious snuggly 😂

LaurieFairyCake · 01/02/2024 06:54

Well if she loses it she can grieve for its loss, it's clearly very important to her

It's her transitional object, she's literally taking you - all your care, all your parenting with her, all the love you've poured into her - with her on her first big, independent adventure

You've clearly done a great job bringing her up Smile

Now this is Mumsnet so get a grip and shut up about the bear 😬

LittleSpanishFlea · 01/02/2024 07:00

I wouldn't get involved. She's obviously considered losing it, hence the AirTag.

Clarinet1 · 01/02/2024 07:05

It sounds to me as though the distress Dd would feel at leaving the bear behind (definite) would be as bad as the distress she would feel at losing it permanently (relatively small risk) so I think she should take the bear but the AirTag is a good idea.

MotherOfCrocodiles · 01/02/2024 07:29

Oh my god, if that was me I'd spend the summer worrying about the bear rather than the DD.

Tilllly · 01/02/2024 07:44

MotherOfCrocodiles · 01/02/2024 07:29

Oh my god, if that was me I'd spend the summer worrying about the bear rather than the DD.

Me too

My DS20 has his snuggly at uni
Fortunately he's got 2 as his strong attachment as a baby prompted an emergency spare

It's been all over the world with him

Only lost once on holiday in UK when he was 8 - found in bedding during laundry and posted back in a shoe box with empty water bottle, crisp and biscuit wrapper. Shout out to Scargill House in Kettlewell for that!

Newnamesameoldlurker · 01/02/2024 08:16

I lost my beloved bear when travelling at your dd's age. It was absolutely awful. But I got over it eventually. She's lucky you care about this! My parents were just mortified I still had a bear at that age

MarnieMarnie · 01/02/2024 08:35

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

QueenApple · 01/02/2024 08:40

She should take the bear.
Oviously a calculated risk but she's a big girl and can deal with it if she loses it.

OrlandointheWilderness · 01/02/2024 08:45

My bear came with me to college, when I got married and everything after. He still sits in my bedroom!
The bear needs to go travelling. Fab photos await.

CampsieGlamper · 01/02/2024 08:46

Was Hesketh the teddy bear in Brideshead Revisited or Brass?

CampsieGlamper · 01/02/2024 08:49

Has the bear got a passport? Watch out for it bringing other bears back into the the country. We don't need to be over run by foreign bears coming here, eating Our marmalade and running around without trousers!

maudelovesharold · 01/02/2024 08:52

How big is the bear? My bear, who I’ve had since my 6th Birthday, is huge (well, about 3ft when standing), so I could never take him anywhere!

SquitMcJit · 01/02/2024 08:52

CampsieGlamper · 01/02/2024 08:46

Was Hesketh the teddy bear in Brideshead Revisited or Brass?

The bear in Brideshead was Aloysius

SquitMcJit · 01/02/2024 08:53

CampsieGlamper · 01/02/2024 08:49

Has the bear got a passport? Watch out for it bringing other bears back into the the country. We don't need to be over run by foreign bears coming here, eating Our marmalade and running around without trousers!

😀

ADoggyDogWorld · 01/02/2024 08:55

CampsieGlamper · 01/02/2024 08:46

Was Hesketh the teddy bear in Brideshead Revisited or Brass?

Brideshead bear was Aloyisious (sp)

The bear goes. It will be fine.

I did laugh at Laurie's post upthread - this bit:

You've clearly done a great job bringing her up 

Now this is Mumsnet so get a grip and shut up about the bear 😬

Original poster
Emirie · 01/02/2024 08:56

CampsieGlamper · 01/02/2024 08:49

Has the bear got a passport? Watch out for it bringing other bears back into the the country. We don't need to be over run by foreign bears coming here, eating Our marmalade and running around without trousers!

I wish I could pretend this bear doesn't have a personality - but she very much does and is known to be quite cheeky ... what's the higher risk, Teddy brings a boyfriend home or Teddy runs off with a boy in Europe!!

(DD frequently uses Teddy to make jokes or announce her displeasure with something I've done so very much feel like the bear has a personality!!)

OP posts:
C2190 · 01/02/2024 09:03

I'm 33 and still have a hot water bottle hippo that my dad bought me when I was 8!

WandaWonder · 01/02/2024 09:04

There is absolutely no need to mention it

SleepingStandingUp · 01/02/2024 09:08

Oh bless op, I thought you were going to do the "she's too old for it!" thing not worry Bear would abscond and leave DD bereft.

Sounds like Granny has the right idea. Track the little devil so you know where she is. She'll help keep DD emotionally safe whilst they're away

OiGetOff · 01/02/2024 09:09

My young adult DD is very VERY attached to a small doll that she’s had since a baby. Goes absolutely everywhere with her, all over the world.

Except, last year she went away and reluctantly decided not to take it for various reasons - instead, entrusting it to her gran & grandad (not me & DH, we clearly can’t be trusted). As they’re absolutely ace, they entertained the doll daily, and sent lots of photos & videos to her to show what they’d been getting up to. It was rather lovely. Is that an option?

Billybagpuss · 01/02/2024 09:12

There’s a huge number of adults that still have an attachment to a childhood teddy, dd 25 now married, does and when she was at uni they did a whole psych unit on it. Don’t stress it.

Original poster
Emirie · 01/02/2024 09:14

Billybagpuss · 01/02/2024 09:12

There’s a huge number of adults that still have an attachment to a childhood teddy, dd 25 now married, does and when she was at uni they did a whole psych unit on it. Don’t stress it.

Oh don't worry - not stressed that she is attached to the bear - very very much stressed that she may lose Teddy and need a year out and extensive therapy to recover!!

OP posts: