Asking employer to cover childcare costs

[Totupthenumberspls]

I’ve been asked to go on a business trip for a week, is it unreasonable to ask the company to pay the incremental childcare costs?

Why can't your partner drop off your son at nursery and pick him up?7

My dad did very well out of a per diem from the Civil Service in the 1980s.

Me in the private sector in 2024? Well, I travel a lot and my dad still thinks I’m lying when I don’t make a penny extra. I can claim exact amounts from receipts. End of.

So I wouldn’t assume a per diem at all.

That's not a company's responsibility.

I get that some private sector organisations may provide attractive overall packages that will offset childcare.

But what about employees with caring responsibilities for older parents? Or siblings?

It can feel unfair & tough as a working parent, especially a mother, especially a single one, and especially if you have multiple DC - but it is part of the choice one makes when having children.

There have been career choices I've had to forgo, because as a single parent I cannot make it work. Should I get compensated for that? 🤷🏻‍♀️

I would ask yes. It's not training for you, you're providing the childcare. You can always ask indirectly

I am happy to provide training and development opportunities for other staff, however we have looked at all options and spoken to family etc and no one can assist with the care of my child to cover this period. I could look into paid childcare so I can attend but at present cannot afford this. Can I check if the company would ever cover this as an cost to attend before I look into it?

Then you can always say you couldn't get any if they can't pay and you can't afford

Contracts are limited. Your contract says you have to work from wherever they say, but I doubt anyone would agree that they could send you to Edinburgh when you normally work in London without paying your train fare!

Not comparable! The OP isn't being asked to pay for her flights and accommodation.

As do most women who want to maintain a career while having children.

As a matter of interest, who pays for the childcare?

I think the reason you’re so annoyed about this is because this trip has highlighted the inequality in your own relationship.

You don’t want to or feel you should have to ask your partner to put himself out to look after his own children. Why not?

Why shouldn’t he occasionally be put out to look after his children?

You’re angry at your employer because they’ve highlighted that you have the kind of relationship where you don’t feel you can ask the children’s father to look after them, and that has perhaps highlighted how uninvolved he is in their day to day care.

You need to look closer to home to level your criticism.

Ask them and see what they say. I’m not sure why child care is being viewed as an inconvenience to your partner though. We all do what is needed to juggle work, children etc and that includes both parents doing their bit, not just one. He could take annual leave while you are away, even just a few hours to enable later starts/ early finishes.

When you say why should your husband be inconvenienced and have to do drop off / pick up - surely the same could be said for you the rest of the year? Because you are the parent of that child. That's how it works. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Turn this around. If your partner was asked to go on a 10 day business trip would he be asking his employer to cover childcare costs?

This is the real world, not a philosophy class

I was asked to go on a course once that overlapped with my holiday so I asked them to pay for the cost in changing my air fare. I don't see how this is different.

What like my male DP did when he had to work on one of his scheduled days off?

I also worked with men with different levels of seniority who due to their wife/female partner's job had to ensure they personally could drop off and pick up their child(ren) from childcare so had to choose it on those grounds.

@MayThe4th what are you on about. My partner is a great father and does 50/50.

So what is the problem?

Because you are BOTH parents, you both should balance childcare around work figuring it out together, as equally as possible.
There will always be a point where a businesses end and personal lifestyle choices begin, where expenses from work ends and personal lifestyle costs begin.
Men leaving it to women in this situation is an issue, you not wanting to inconvenience your partner is an issue too. It sounts like you accept the first and as a woman you accept it as part of your role as it would be an inconvenience to your partner. Parenting is not an inconvenience its a lifestyle choice of both parents by men leaving it to women but it being an inconvenience the other way I fear you are compounding expectations that childcare is mainly the mothers job and blurring busines with personal lifestyle choices by asking for expenses rather than standing your ground at the root cause, your home childcare arrangements.

To note, if it was 50/50 the issue of it being an inconvenience would not be an issue.

Then ask him to cover the days you are away.

You are not a single parent.

So if he went away on a work trip would he be also expecting his employer to pay childcare? Or would he assume it would default to you?

I think if you've worked there for 8 years and generally enjoy flexibility, it's taking the piss to expect them to pay your household bills to facilitate travel, which actually is in your contract.

Our contracts are very specific that childcare is not a claimable expense. However, I do know (very few) people who have had it paid at the company’s discretion. A single parent who was in a generally non-travelling role, who they really needed to be in Paris for 2 days over a weekend.

I think it’s always reasonable to ask.

I would never expect mine to be paid, because I’m in a travelling role - and in theory I’ve agreed to my salary as it is. For years I travelled 50% and WFH 50%. I paid wraparound 100% because I needed to guarantee the space and never knew which weeks would be my travel 50%. I knew that when I accepted the role and salary.

In OP’s case, for me it depends whether that travel is outwith your normal job - but not just infrequent. Even if it’s rare, if there’s an expectation when you took the role of some travel, then that’s for you to factor in.

What additional costs?

This is a good example of how businesses, society and men in general haven't kept pace and adapted keeping women in their place.

The OP is correct, most men don't even consider this - their partner takes care of all the childcare stuff, it's not even on their radar. Most men wouldn't dare ask their employer, normally another man, for childcare costs for an overnight because childcare isn't their responsibility. The odd poster who pops up with how amazing their 50% DH/DP is surely know they are the minority.

This will not change until businesses adapt to supporting family life. Imo most men don't want it so it's never going to happen.

@DivergentTris yes were both parents, and no, our child is not an inconvenience. I’m amazed that so many people support the “business “
I don’t accept that childcare is mainly the mothers role, and actually would argue that putting a value on childcare to an employer rather than it being a freebie is key to equality.
Business vs lifestyle choices? What bullshit. You’re perpetuating that women can’t work after children

what are you on about. My partner is a great father and does 50/50. well then where’s the problem?

I mean he’s already used to having to take time off or to make arrangements when the children are ill, and as he already does half the drop offs and pick ups given he does everything 50/50 it’s only a a couple of days extra isn’t it?

Expenses incurred on the trip would be covered - meals, accommodation, travel etc.

This is just you and your husband digging your heels in. Could he not take a week of half days or a few days off?