To put my 3 year old back in nappies after a full year of potty training

[NameChange9490]

I’m at the end of my tether with potty training. DS is 3 years 4 months and bright, articulate, very verbal. We started potty training at the start of March 2023, 11 months ago. A little on the early side maybe, but I was heavily pregnant at the time and wanted to get it out of the way before the baby came (hahahaha 🙄).

After a promising first few days, I can honestly say we’re still at the point we were maybe 3-4 days in. Poos are 80% of the time in the toilet, initiated by him. Wees he never, ever initiates. Ever. We take him to the toilet every 1-2 hours and he also wees in his pants 2-3 times a day.

We have tried everything. We started with the oh crap method (no rewards) but have tried rewards, praise, and tbh even getting quite cross with him in desperation. I feel like it’s honestly starting to ruin my relationship with him because I feel so, so frustrated by the frequency of the accidents. He doesn’t care about having wet pants, he won’t tell us if he’s had an accident, just waits for us to notice.

The HV was no help - said it was normal and to just carry on with what we’re doing. Made me feel like an idiot for worrying.

What do I do? Is it too late and is he too old to go back into nappies? And then what do I do after that?

Just saw your update - if he's willing to focus on it while in a pull up with rewards maybe that's the key 👍🏻👍🏻

No don't put him back in pull ups or nappies. He'll get it but not if you step backwards. It's confusing. Does he go to nursery? Most of the kids there will be toilet trained so maybe gently point that out to him 'oh Charlie is such a big boy always doing his wees in the toilet, if you keep practicing you'll be a big big like Charlie too!' Etc. they learn so much of their peers at this age.

I can really recommend this website/charity. They deal
with wee and poo problems in children including potty training and give lots of advice on potty training and there is even a helpline.

eric.org.uk/potty-training/

Hi OP @NameChange9490
your posts are making me tearful as it’s exactly the same with my son and I don’t feel so alone! How are things now? We’ve been at it 8 months and went back to pull ups today but I’m questioning whether that is a backwards step. We have no issues with poos, wees are just as you described. Keen to know how things are for you 🙂

It's all become so fraught with emotion now.I think you need to go back to being very 'matter of fact' about it all now to defuse the situation

I hD a similar problem with one of my dc which was caused by faecal Impaction dulling the feeling of needing to wee as well as poo. She showed no signs of constipation

If been pt for over a year and having accidents then the child is not ready and not potty trained

I would have stopped after a few days

All children are different

When ready pt is done in a few days and rarely accidents /wet/poo

Is there any actual evidence for this?

I ask because while I know of many children who potty train smoothly, plenty do not.

We have not had a very smooth potty training journey. I’ve come to realise people like to present things as facts (including a lot of things from Oh Crap which seems to be the go to on here at the moment) but actually they aren’t. Sometimes like weaning potty training can just take a long time.

After a few days things were actually going very well. If every week was a bad week I would have stopped, but we’ve had lots of times where it seems to be ‘working’ followed by big regressions.

Maybe this mentality works for neurotypical children but everything is more complex for neurodivergent kids.

Another vote here for upping the rewards. Use toys / sweets etc - this usually works

There's a bing episode about stopping the game for the toilet train which helped mine when they refused to stop playing and then peed everywhere.

I found the oh crap method useless for a busy household. We had to be out and about with my eldest so it just didn't work for us.

If I were you I would announce a new era, make a big deal of buying new pants, maybe some stickers for the toilet or a plastic urinal to make it more fun and the. I would bribe bribe bribe.

If he can hold 4/5 hours when naked he has the control necessary, and is choosing not to go and to ignore the signals. When he "wets himself" do you mean he's letting out the whole wee in his pants? Or just letting out a leak in the gusset?

Its extremely common for children to not really want to go unless prompted/told to go until they are much older - boys especially can't stand stopping playing. This is why so many preschools build in "before/after" habits where they prompt the group to go before lunch, after snack etc.

For whatever reason it sounds like he's developed a negative association with going to use the toilet, if he's holding until in pain. Going back to nappies won't deal with that.

Build in some positive aspects to him going to the toilet. One of those games where you pee against a target etc to make it fun, rewards for going without a fuss. Different/better rewards than you offer now!

Make it a really annoying thing to wet pants - play stops etc. I had to have a rule when my DS was four that if he wet himself when the tv was on it went off immediately and didn't go back on all day. You'd be amazed how fast he stopped doing it.

You've been doing this for 11 months when h
it's not working? Honestly sounds like he wasn't ready.

I wouldn't go back to nappies now.

We have just started potty training but they don't that many accidents as we take them to the toilet every hour. Are you doing that? I agree with being naked at home if it helps him realise he's not wearing a nappy.

This. School nursing team told me a lot of kids don't take to it as they are not ready

I do believe that if takes a few weeks or keeps having accidents then yes not ready and to stop

I didn't even try until she was 3 and 3 months. She was ready and took about 2 weeks.
For day. Can't remember how long night was.
If he responds to rewards it's brillant.
He is clearly upset by the new baby.
Are you breast feeding? And did you bf him?

He doesn't like weeing clearly. Maybe doesn't like seeing it come out. Children can be strange.

Mine held in her poo for over a year at 3. Drive me nuts. Then suddenly at 4 she announced she wasn't going to do that anymore.

Drove me nuts!