To put my 3 year old back in nappies after a full year of potty training

[NameChange9490]

I’m at the end of my tether with potty training. DS is 3 years 4 months and bright, articulate, very verbal. We started potty training at the start of March 2023, 11 months ago. A little on the early side maybe, but I was heavily pregnant at the time and wanted to get it out of the way before the baby came (hahahaha 🙄).

After a promising first few days, I can honestly say we’re still at the point we were maybe 3-4 days in. Poos are 80% of the time in the toilet, initiated by him. Wees he never, ever initiates. Ever. We take him to the toilet every 1-2 hours and he also wees in his pants 2-3 times a day.

We have tried everything. We started with the oh crap method (no rewards) but have tried rewards, praise, and tbh even getting quite cross with him in desperation. I feel like it’s honestly starting to ruin my relationship with him because I feel so, so frustrated by the frequency of the accidents. He doesn’t care about having wet pants, he won’t tell us if he’s had an accident, just waits for us to notice.

The HV was no help - said it was normal and to just carry on with what we’re doing. Made me feel like an idiot for worrying.

What do I do? Is it too late and is he too old to go back into nappies? And then what do I do after that?

We waited until ds was 3 to start and honestly I don't think he was 100% ready then. We had a few weeks of poo accidents but then one day I refused to wash his pants after an accident and threw them in the bin. That was the last poo accident he had.

Wee wise he was bad with accidents for a week or so, I started bribing him with fruit and after that the accidents stopped. The night time weeing is hormonal so I wouldn't be too worried about that. Ds naturally stopped weeing overnight at around 3 and a half.

He'll get it op, just maybe wait a bit longer with the next one.

Gosh, poor you.

I'd go back to pull ups and have another go with this in the summer.

He'll either be ok with it which gives everybody a break or he'll hate it and that might spur him on a bit. I think the former. He's not ready and this sounds hellish for everyone.

I agree with other posters, would not put back in nappies but possibly change the incentive.

With mine I got coloured mini pom-poms (some small and some slightly bigger) the slightly bigger ones were for poos and the smaller ones wees. Every time they went on the potty, they picked a coloured Pom Pom of their choice to put in a pot and when the pot was full they got a a treat of their choice. the treat was picked at the beginning so they knew what they were working towards and they got so excited for the pom pom every time.

I got the idea from a post on mumsnet and it worked so well so thought to share

When I had trouble potty training one of my DC at around 3 years and a few months, I filled a basket with dozens of little wrapped presents (poundland/multipacks of stuff are your friends here). I then left if by the toilet but crucially i didn't say a word about it.

Invevitably DS was excited by it and wanted to know what is was. I explained super casually that they were potty presents for any children who used the toilet.

He immediately wanted in on the action and dropped all resistance to using the toilet. Worked within a couple of days.

I think the trick was to take all the pressure off him and let him make an active choice himself.

I am of course going to wait longer with my second, I think that goes without saying 😅 However he was showing all the signs of readiness, was hiding to do a poo and telling me he’d done it straight away etc. He even used to choose to sit on the potty from time to time before we started. Poos have never really been an issue - he’s pretty consistently told us when he needs a poo from day one. So I do think he was ready on the poo front. It’s hard to know but I do think it’s probably fairly intentional. The fact he wets himself in clothes but holds it for hours on end when naked suggests to me he does have control over it. He just doesn’t care about wetting himself in clothes at all. He’s extremely stubborn in general. Anything where there’s potential for a power struggle will become one unless we show absolutely no investment in it whatsoever.

The fact that he has the muscle control to hold it with a bare bum for 4 hours tells you a lot - he should be physically ready.

Don't focus on him saying when he needs to go. Focus on him learning to relax and let out at a wee when he chooses to

Make it a game - targets on the toilet to aim at, wee on every tree in the garden. Lots of kids prefer to wee outside or stood up.

Spend time on the loo where you aren't asking him to try and wee - let him play on a tablet etc sat there with pants down. Say nothing but turn the tap on, this can help relax and get used to going.

Honestly you almost could have attempted it earlier. I kid you not. Lots of children become very stubborn & change resistant between about age 2 & 3.5. It can almost be easier to do it at about 22 months, they don't protest and are more compliant.

He clearly is developmentally ready.

Has anyone mentioned constipation? If he's constipated he might not have the sensation of needing a wee because it presses on the nerves.

Sleeping is right actually constipation is super common and really impacts potty training.

Also don't allow fruit juice, especially blackcurrant squash.

Why don’t you get some reusable pull up pants? There’s lots second hand (if you don’t mind that). They’re like pants and you can call them pants but just contain a bit more wee. That way you’re not undoing all the good work. Some are more absorbent than others. Check out the nappy lady and nappy lady buying and selling on Facebook

We moved to cloth nappies with a cover and brought a pull up style cloth nappy at night desugned for older sen kids as was a very heavy wetter.

Taught them wetness and being uncomfortable without soaking clothes 4 times a day.

We also went back to potty and no toilet. On potty he could do stuff like blowing bubbles or toy he only go on potty. He spent a fair bit of time on it infront of tv but he got used to using it and stopped holding.

I may have just been extremely lucky however I used 3 day potty training by Lora Jensen and it was fantastic.

As someone with literally nil experience of babies before I had my DS and without much in the way of advice from others I was massively reliant on the internet for info.

I tried it over a bank holiday weekend and it worked wonders. My DS was 2 years 3 months old at the time and since that weekend I think we’ve had 1 accident in the last 6 months.

If you can reset things with your DC and try it one weekend you might hit lucky too. It’s definitely worth a shot. I followed it to the letter.

One other small tip from my experience was to not bother with a potty. My DC used it twice and the most. He much preferred using a toddler seat on a normal toilet. That might just be a one of his quirks but no harm trying.

Whatever happens I wish you well as I can imagine it’s a very testing time but just remember it will eventually pass even if it doesn’t feel like that at the moment.

I agree with this, I wonder myself (if you have a smart child) if 2 is a better age, I feel as they get older they can have psychological issues around it. Mine got poo anxiety which I don't think would've happened at a younger age (but no expert by any means!)

Gawd I feel sorry for you. I have a 3.5yr old and failed to get him trained at 3. My daughter was done at 2.5. Nursery adds a whole new level of complication too. I'm going to attempt to do it over Feb half term. He is currently in pull ups but I'm not looking forward to it.

Physically your child sounds ready. Emotionally he doesn't. I don't think it's the end of the world to put him back into pull ups and just encourage weeing on the toilet etc.

I wouldn't go back to nappies at this stage, I know the trend now is to train later but I think very few children aren't ready and capable by 3. This has been going on so long that as a pp said wetting his pants has become normalised so its unlikely you will find an easy answer, but personally i would go for bribary, find something he really likes/wants and promise him it if he keeps his pants dry.

Sorry if I’ve misunderstood this, but are you actually using the toilet or a potty? If the toilet, maybe try potty in the room with you? Could be it’s too hard for him to leave what he’s doing/you, and I can imagine with a young baby too it’s hard for you to leave what you’re doing! It might make it less of an ordeal if he doesn’t need to leave the room.

I agree with this. My first 4 dc all trained between 2 and 2.5 and it was quick and easy, my youngest was 3, we left it later for a number of reasons and my god it was a nightmare. Every child is different of course but ime 2 year olds are generally more biddable and less likely to have hang ups about the potty, they are often easier to bribe too!

I thought this might be the case. My 3.5 yo is identical. I marvel at compliant pre schoolers. We got lucky, my 3 yo took to potty training a little before realising every single thing can be turned into a battle of wills. I’m absolutely certain if we had left it just a few months later he’d still be in nappies now. Not because he ‘wasn’t ready’, just that it would be another boundary to push.

With this new information, I absolutely wouldn’t put him back in nappies. Sadly though, this has to be something you invest in. I’d do as others have said and make the consequences his to sort out. You are likely in for a hell-ish few weeks. But every time he’s wet, mummy and daddy stop playing, we go home if necessary, we get undressed and we don’t play again until the clothes are washing. Rinse and repeat. You could try a bribe on top but I’d go with natural consequence first of repeated wetting. During this period I’d place as few other demands on him as possible so you don’t end up in a spiral of conflict.

Good luck

Agree fully with this. We potty trained DS with relative ease at about 25 months. If we’d left it until 28ish months or later, we’d have been toast .

I have to say this..

Also agree with @Futb0l. Train the next child earlier! All of mine have been between 18 and 24 months with no drama whatsoever.

Anyway that doesn’t help you with this child Op. I think you’re right, he was absolutely physically ready, but possibly with all the emotions of the new baby this became one struggle he could win. Personally I’d never want to put a child back in pull ups but you could try upping the reward ante as a couple of PPs have suggested to see if that helps.

@SleepingStandingUp @Futb0l he poos at least once every day if not twice, and if anything I’d say it’s on the looser end, I doubt he’s constipated but it is something I’ve read about.

@Oxalis00 we have potties and a seat with steps for the toilet. He can use either. He doesn’t like to poo on the potty, only the toilet. We have potties in the bathrooms and also one we take from room to room with us.

I would check with GP for any signs of infection or constipation/impaction and maybe try different style or size of pants too see if that makes any difference.
I have a child with additional needs who still has accidents and the advice from any professionals we have spoken to is to carry on without nappies. If he is sitting on the toilet, ensure his feet are fully supported and he has a child sized seat, make staying on the toilet more fun so that he isn't rushing away before he has fully emptied. Make sure he drinks plenty as not drinking enough means he doesn't get the same strength of signal.

There is a lot of contradictory advice with potty training. In many ways I’m in a similar boat with DS, we aren’t a year in yet but I started training him just before he turned 3, when he was 2 years 11 months. We’re two and a half months in and not made much progress.

I don’t like the Oh Crap method and don’t really rate it. I don’t think there’s a magic solution, some children just struggle. I also am mystified by this insistence that children are easier before they turn 3, DS was a PITA aged 2!