School Detention - Fair?

[WhiteLily1]

My DS age 11 (y7) was in a lesson last week where one pupil was answering the teacher back and two other boys were chatting. The teacher gave the whole class a break time detention for Monday of the following week. DS had not done anything - he said he had been totally silent during the lesson but everyone had the detention.
My DS forgot to go to the detention- it wasn’t on his mind 4 days later, he just totally forgot. He went to apologise to the teacher In question and she gave him a hall lunch time detention for the next day. That involves being escorted to the hall at the start of lunch and sitting on a chair staring at nothing - not allowed to do anything except eat a packed lunch until the end of lunch break.
Unfortunately this was also the day of lunchtime football club which is pretty much all DS looks forward to at school.
For background, DS doesn’t get in trouble at school - his parents evening was good, behaves in class, participates etc. He has had 1 lunch detention before as he forgot his school diary. But that’s it.
I just feel it’s really unfair to give the whole class a collective punishment. Then to double down on that and for DS to miss a whole lunch doing nothing except stare at a wall when the one thing he is passionate about is on. He is really down about it.
AIBU?

I agree. I hate collective punishments like this.

I don't think the whole class detention was fair, not a detention for forgetting a book fgs. But he missed it and that has a consequence at the end of the day.

Agree! I don't get why they do this. It just makes the well behaved kids think well fuck this I might as well be 'naughty'. I'd contact the head and say in future he won't be doing any detentions and the teacher should focus on the trouble makers.

I'm a secondary school teacher, collective punishments aren't fair and undermine relationships with the well behaved kids. This is pretty standard knowledge.

I get why as a parent you feel it was unfair but I'm wondering if the class were laughing and therefore encouraging the behaviour of the other boys, particularly the one answering back. You could contact the teacher to ask what role DS played just to get a clearer picture as to why he was sanctioned.

Forgetting to then do that detention isn't great. Pupils need to take responsibility for managing this and that includes remembering to go (unless he has SEN where he may need additional reminders).

Fucking hell this sounds bloody awful and is making me dread the day when my kids reach school age. Detention for staying silent in class and also for forgetting your diary? What a load of rubbish. Teachers are focusing on the wrong things. No wonder education is a mess in this country.

Going against the grain a bit, but yabu. I'm not a teacher but do work in a school and give out detentions, sometimes when the class is being wild it can be overwhelming and almost impossible to tell who has done "wrong" that lesson and who hasn't, so it's either punish them all or let it go. Then your son missed the detention, that's on him and his time keeping. Unfortunate but shit happens, let it go.

Collective punishment has never been fair, however your son did not go to detention. If your son didn't do a punishment you had set, ie no TV or phone, would you ignore that or would you insist he had to follow your instruction as a parent/in authority?

I would write to the school, and point out that your son was not involved at all in the behaviour that caused the first detention; that he genuinely forgot 4 days later (as he is not used to being in detention - not in his radar); that he owned up and apologised and was then punished twice, once by being put in lunchtime detention and once for missing football. I would say you consider the sanction utterly disproportionate - either another break time detention, or at most a lunchtime detention on a non-football day would have been more than sufficient. Say that this is affecting your son’s attitude to school and you feel that not only was the punishment hugely disproportionate, but that you are worried because he is still brooding about it, and you feel it is souring his relationship with school, which as a parent you naturally find worrying.

I would also love to ask a teacher why they do this? Why would you punish the good kids because of the naughty ones? Ive heard the saying it's to make the naughty ones feel guilty!! When will the teachers realise it doesn't!!!
It just says lazy teacher to me! It's a very unfair lazy way to deal with the naughty kids.

I do think it’s my sons fault for forgetting the detention but he didn’t do anything to get a detention in the first place so it just wasn’t on his mind I think.
It would be like me setting a punishment for both my sons when only one had done wrong, telling both of them they have to miss TV 4 days later and then the one who didn’t do anything forgets.

I totally get what you mean. My son was in a class and the usual couple of kids were being cheeky. Teacher lost it shouting, a group of kids started crying at shock of how angry teacher was. Teacher then asked my son to get help outside (was obviously viewed as the sensible one to help in this scenario). Son went round school, explained to teacher and got help. Well then there was a whole class detention including him!!! So thanks for absolutely nothing!

If you punish kids when you are not sure they have done anything wrong, then you are a first class CF and a bully.

I agree- it feels like the teacher lost control of the class to me and just slammed a detention on all of them.
I would love to hear from anyone here who is a teacher and gives out collective punishments and their reasoning.

I will also add, that another boy in the class (wasn’t involved in the chatting) was ill and off school on the day of the class detention and he also got a lunchtime detention alongside my son for missing the break detention.

Interesting that you know he did nothing wrong but the adult who was there at the time was unaware of this.

Perhaps ask for further clarification of the incident and your child's involvement from the teacher involved before deciding on your next step. I agree collective punishments are unfair but often the child's version of events differs quite drastically from the teachers.

None of can say whether the original detention was fair.
The punishment for missing detention is fair.

However those lunch time detentions sound awful. At least at DDs school they are in a classroom and do work...

Seriously if this school is giving out detentions for forgetting stuff like a diary then i’d be escalating that further. No wonder MH is crap and kids don’t want to go to school. I wouldn’t be punished at work for forgetting my work pass for example so why are kids being treated like shit?

Unfortunately your child is being punished for not going to the detention. Having 2 kids in year 8 and 1 in year 10 I’m surprised he could have innocently forgotten about it. I’m sure most of the other kids in his class/form would have been moaning about missing lunch time due to detention on the morning of it.

I trust my kids school implicitly, so if my child got a detention, I'd not be questioning it's fairness.

Depends how much you trust the school tbh.

Oops tapped wrong option
YANBU but unfortunately this is the way a lot of schools are going.
My DF was a teacher, when we got similar while class detentions at our school he called and complained fir exactly the same reasons.
The lunchtime hall detention sounds awful! Effectively denying a child a free break....that should not be allowed IMHO

Unfortunately rather than deal with individuals who cause issues schools would rather punish the whole class or focus on minor indiscretion of the students that generally do behave.

Very stupid indeed.

OP I'd personally be calling the school to say that he wasn't going to be attending the lunch time detention and that you want to see a copy of the behaviour policy that includes whole class punishments.

There was collective punishment when I was at school, (50s and 60s) but I thought they’d stopped them now.

No, it’s not fair, but it’s only a lunchtime detention - probably not the battle hill to choose to die on.

I'm a retired teacher, and I'm really surprised that whole class detentions are still given. I thought that kind of thinking had died out long ago.