Boring duty visit?

[Olwyn35]

Daughter lives 4 hours away and she and her family have stopped staying with us. It feels really sad. We miss the playing and the fun of putting up her and our small grandsons. (We are invited to them every few months so do see them 4x a year.)
April lunch and next day out
They now say that in April, they might all stay in a hotel an hour from us, drop in on us for lunch, then expect us to drive an hour next day and go out with them all on their choice of day out. If we don’t agree to this plan, they say they won’t come at all. This feels as if they are not asking us what we would like to do, and how we would like to see them and play with the grandsons. They are just saying - that’s what is on offer, take it or leave it.

I feel awful, as if they are rubbing our noses in seeing us as the boring duty visit, only to be considered if they spend as little time in our house as possible.
AIBU?

And you know who talks like that on a forum that's supposed to support women?

Nasty people.

This reminds me of my MIL
Holidays 6+ times a year.
Out/away every other weekend.
We work FT and kids are in school and in clubs and have friends.
So when we do try and arrange to see them they are often busy but then complain they never see the kids.

My mum would do school pickups and cook tea and pop in for 5 minutes. MIL always wanted to do a big full on day out which is much harder to fit around schedules (and often involved gardens rather than much to interest kids)

Plus, after driving there and ariving at opening time, waiting for MIL who would be late...big hugs and nice to see yous stood in a carpark! Eventually queue and pay to get in etc then the first stop would be a coffee stop....for a good hour....a short walk then a lunch stop....and then home (after more standing around in the carpark.
It was really boring for the kids and we could do coffee and catching up at home/her house.

They sound a little rude. I've always visited my parents/grandparents homes. Never have I asked them to meet us outdoors an hour away?! So bizarre of them. I'd say," I'm so excited to see you all, but won't be able to attend the outing. Please come over for dinner afterwards. You're more than welcome to stay over." If they ask why you can't attend the outing just say, " I'm not great on my feet all day these days, sorry."