To asked to be removed from my mother's Will and be disinherited

[ElonsPsychic]

In 2014 my father passed away. Two days before his death, I had a phone call from my dad who was crying; he told me that my sister had been into his house, found his Will and opened it, gone to his care home and asked him if he wanted to change it. His property was split equally between us as well as a gift to a local charity and a friend.
My dad said he felt violated and was crying.

She phoned me two days later to say I should come because he was about to pass away. (I loved around 250 miles away.

I didn't get there in time but received the phonecall while I was at motorway services.

The following day I went to see his body and be with him. The hospice care nurse told me that she has called my sister at first thing..around 7am and told her to call me. My sister didn't call me until late morning.

If she had called me at 7am I would've got to say goodbye to him and be with him. I didn't get to say good bye to my father.

Lots of things have happened beyond this and we are now estranged.

I feel devastated, I loved my sister so much. I feel. After nearly three years of trying to move on I still find myself in a place of horrible sadness and grief.

I've spoken to various people and they've said this isn't uncommon in families when a parent dies, families get damaged.

When I expressed upset to my wider family, none of them seemed to see it as a problem or say very much.

I have chosen estrangement due to this and other things I can't come to terms with while still in contact with them

My mother is getting older and the thought of going through this again is just completely overwhelming, the thought of having to navigate any of her care or her will with my sister makes me feel dreadful.

I have thought about asking to be disinherited. Writing to them and saying please remove me as a benefactor from my mother's will (if I'm even on it anymore)

The thought of that and being able to feel free any future horrible feelings and ties gives me a sense of peace.

My sister is considerably more well off that I am, married and I am a single parent. I am however fairly okay and don't struggle financially at the moment and plan to ensure that I can manage to support myself and my child in the future.

It would feel like a release to have no ties in this way to them and it would protect my emotional and mental state which has been poor at times and is now better following estrangement.

Should I ask to be disinherited. I think it would involve a solicitors letter.

You don't need to do anything now. You can remove yourself as Executor and refuse any gifts from the Estate when the time comes. Don't give yourself unnecessary grief by doing it now.

It'll be vital for your wellbeing and future happiness to make a solid, deliberate and conscious decision to stop dwelling on the past. I dont want to sound cliched or patronising (you sound like a good person, with a good heart) but it's living in the past that's destroying your present; they're not doing this to you, you're doing it to you. It'll be hard to change the habit of dwelling, and I think something like CBT might benefit you more at the moment (more than counselling).
There may come a time in the future whereupon you can build bridges with your Mum and/or Sister. It'll have to happen organically though, and most likely without reference to the past.

I think disengaging would be best if it is causing you this much distress.

Can I just ask, are you saying she was in a prolonged campaign around the time of your Dad’s final months to stop you seeing him??

Or is this specifically that on the day of death she did not call you immediately the nurse said he was going to die that day?

If the latter, her actions were obviously not awesome, but it is fair that some people wouldn’t want to face their parent dying and might be unwilling to face it?

What led to her asking him to change his will, what argument took place or why did she feel badly enough against you to try and instigate this?

It’s awful he died and I’m so so sorry for your loss.

But at a distance of 250 miles, it’s exceedingly unrealistic to expect to have valued time together, unless you take time off at the first sign of the end and wait it out until the inevitable.

It sounds like there is a much bigger back story to this.

Ultimately protect yourself and your son. Death and inheritance bring out the worst in people. I am NC with a certain section of my family due to their frankly appalling behaviour towards relatives who were nearing the end of life and towards the living who were sorting out inheritance.

You can love people but choose for your own sanity to stay away from them.

Don't do anything. See your mom, live your life, don't see your sister if you dont want to. You are overthinking things, enjoy the now, the future you will cope with. Value those you live whilst you can.

There’s no need to do anything. In the unlikely event you inherit, you can donate to a charity