Potential same birth date as SIL

[Keroppifrog2024]

Hey All,

I have a situation and I really need to know AIBU.

My SIL and me have had a lot of animosity over the years as she is constantly comparing herself financially to me and my husband. We both worked full time in reasonably well paid jobs but after the birth of her son has gone part time and on universal credit (her partner works full time).

My husband practically raised her as thier dad passed away when they were young and he has always paid for things (laptops, phones etc) and have lent her money numerous times that has never been paid back.

She has a history of pushing the boundaries I set and then stating that 'I am being too highly strung' and few examples are:

1- smoking in our flat when I expressly said not to
2- taking display items off of shelves and giving them to her so when I told her not to and them getting broken
3- final straw was we got hacked and money stolen and my husband in a panic transferred money to her for safekeeping whilst 3 days later she then asked to keep it as we 'clearly have more money'

Me and my husband are expecting our first child and the due date is 7th March but now due to gestational diabities I will need to be induced a week early. This poses a risk of our daughter being born on the same day as our nephew (SIL child).

Previously I had a low lying placenta so was told a C section is the only option but it's now moved so I can give birth vaginally.

Is it stupid to go for a C section just to avoid having a child on the same day??

I just know if they share a birthday it will be endless years of SIL asking to share birthday parties (but we will b expected to pay) and endless snide comments.

AIBU?

YABU massively.

Get a back bone and tell her no!

YABU, why would you chose unnecessary surgery. Just don’t see them anymore. Sounds like she’s only negative influence in your life.

We have told her no multiple times and my husband is firm with her stating we won't be giving her any money or paying etc.

It's more the worry of having years of these comments every year if our children share the same birthday.

final straw was we got hacked and money stolen and my husband in a panic transferred money to her for safekeeping whilst 3 days later she then asked to keep it as we 'clearly have more money'

this is just such an odd thing to do

Just ignore her?

Don't answer the phone? Block her number?

Bizarre that you'd have unnecessary surgery just to not listen to comments when there's other healthy means of doing it.

Honestly it was just the most horrible thing - to have all our details stolen and money taken (which thankfully we got hack) and then 3 days later have a family member essentially trying to also take your money.

The logic was because she didn't realise how much our finances differed if we could just transfer that money out.

Honestly? You need to read that again. Do what’s best for your pregnancy, not what gets one over on your (hellish!) SIL.

I think your anger has jaded your common sense!

When you have your baby your instincts to love and protect it mean your tolerance for other people’s bullshit reduces. Really, have your baby by C-section if you want to but not to avoid the same birthday.
As the birthdays will be close she will probably ask for joint parties or celebrations in any case.

You would have surgery to avoid the incredibly unlikely scenario that their cousin is born on the same day? You are nuts.

Honestly if it's to avoid joint birthdays she will still ask because they are close anyway.

I was told a C-Section has been needed due to my placenta throughout my whole pregnancy and today it has decided to move so now I have a choice.

I get your point but if I hadn't spent months prepping to have a C section it would have even crossed my mind.

Perhaps.its the shock of now a change and also the SIL at the same time but this is why I wanted some opinions.

I think I’d be opting for the c section just from a medical point of view in your situation. The rest of it would just be an extra reason to make me sure it was what I should go for.

I would have a c-section if I had already had one. I had two - one EMCS and second planned due to breech, transverse twins. It’s all I know and I don’t feel like less of a woman.

Kids often have parties on the nearest Saturday to their birthday. Can you imagine you choose a c section and she still tries to double up on the birthday party?! You’ll be even more upset

She can ask to share a party even if they're not born on the same day. So changing the day of the induction/section won't help. If it's close enough, she can still ask. Just say your child is having his/her own party.

Probably what's needed is for your DH mainly (and you to an extent) to put a stop to this behaviour of hers.

She can afford cigarettes. Therefore she can afford a phone.

In my daughters class a lot of kids share parties even without birthdays on the same day so that won't stop her. Your going to have to just say no and stick to it. All the best OP.

Yeah your totally right!

After the money thing I was gonna cut her off completely but husband asked me to giver her another chance and was clear with her that her behaviour will not be tolerated.

So we are making steps in the right direction.

I think I just need time for it all to settle in - I have to let the midwife know in 3 weeks time so a lot can chance by then both medically and psychologically.

We have many joint birthdays across our family. (2 being on 7th March!). Noone has a joint party, except the twins. Everyone has their own with their own friends.

Leaving out the absolute insanity of

final straw was we got hacked and money stolen and my husband in a panic transferred money to her for safekeeping whilst 3 days later she then asked to keep it as we 'clearly have more money (I assume it was a big fat "fuck off" in response)

Do you want a c-section?

Being induced at 39w doesn't mean that a) you'll be induced bang on your 39w date or b) that you're baby will be born on the date of your induction (inductions can take a notoriously long time - my DC3 was a 24h induction but first babies are usually longer)

You need to think about your birth choices based on how you want to give birth and not how to avoid a certain date.

But they were going to be a week apart anyway, and odds on your sil would still ask for a joint party

the issue of how you give birth is up to you, however your dh needs to start setting some expectations with his sister, including not buying her stuff anymore on demand, loan her money with a clear repayment plan and clear expectations on how birthdays for the kids will take place

I'd be induced Feb 29th and my nephew birthday is March 4th 😬

Yes, it would be insane to have a C-section you don't need just because you are scared "of having these comments every year".

"Let's have a joint birthday party."
"No, we'd rather just do our own, thanks. You can organise and pay for your own child's party."

You seriously think it's worth having major surgery just to avoid having that conversation once a year? You're being absolutely ridiculous.

It sounds like your husband really needs to step back from her anyway, given that she's clearly a) unpleasant and b) nuts. So now would be a good time for him to do that.

If you had to pay for the c section would you even be considering this?
Sounds insane to me

Whether is your MIL in all this? Does she have no parents?

Personally i would never have a C section, vaginal birth was so easy for me both times, i recovered within a day. C section sounds like it was be horrid