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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want a tongue in my mouth at random times throughout the day

90 replies

Nena1989x · 29/01/2024 14:53

DP's, to be precise.

For example: If he's nipping out somewhere he gives me a kiss before he goes. I'm not talking about a peck on the lips as you'd expect when saying bye, a full on snog.. tongue and all.

I'm no prude, but It can be annoying if I'm eating/drinking at the time, about to or otherwise distracted. It's one thing when you're cuddled up in bed or whatever, but at random moments throughout the day such as when i'm trying to do something.. it's a bit much.

Would you be happy with this or does it feel a bit out of touch?

OP posts:
DeDoDaDa · 29/01/2024 16:20

LondonLass91 · 29/01/2024 16:10

Well as someone whose partner has only french kissed me during sex for the past 10 years - and never at any other time - plus he was never very keen before that, I say enjoy his passion! At least you have someone who clearly fancies you!

There's always one.

BreeBacon · 29/01/2024 16:21

The bigger issue here is that you feel like you can't tell him. My poor husband is on the receiving end off this and when he can't be bothered with it will just say "get off me, later on' in a joking way. I don't feel rejected because I often do fancy a smooch at inconvenient times, tbh it's become a bit of a running joke.

MajorMorgan · 29/01/2024 16:24

Yuk

BardRelic · 29/01/2024 16:31

Sometimes men (husbands) think that their wives are possessions for them to order about and possess, and touch when they want. WE are here to remind them, that they are fucking wrong!

No, that is not my purpose in life. I realise it's not that simple if they only reveal their true colours once you've been with them for a while, but I just prefer not to be with a man who treats me like that. You can't train them out of that attitude and I certainly couldn't be bothered to attempt it, even if I thought it were possible.

DiamondGazette · 29/01/2024 16:36

EbonyRaven · 29/01/2024 15:23

Urgh how annoying. My DH has spells like this. Some days - a few times a day, when I get up to go for a pee, he gets up, reaches his arms out like a toddler and goes 'wah wah. kiss!' and blocks my way and won't let me past until I fucking kiss him. And he holds me tightly and squeezes me, and won't let go. 'Get outta that' he says 'go on! Get outta that!' Grin He thinks it's endearing and loveable, but in actual fact, it is bastard annoying and drives me mad.

Last time he did it, I said 'for fuck's sake I need a PISS! I am getting up to have a PISS, not to hug and kiss you!' Cue a 4 hour long sulk because I rebuffed him.

Also, he sometimes tries to keep me back when I am going off to the kitchen for a glass of water, or again going for a pee, and says 'look at this...' pointing to something on his phone or laptop. I am leaving the room but his desire to show me some shit he looking at trumps my desire to leave the room (apparently!)

I have actually started to just leave the room anyway now, and ignore his pleas to stop and come and look at what HE wants me to look at. He says 'oi I was talking to you.' I have started saying 'I told you I was leaving the fucking room! WAIT tilI come back in!'

ALSO when I complain about the hug hug hug kiss kiss kiss mwah... bullshit, he says 'can't I even kiss and hug my own WIFE now?' with THIS face > Confused

Sometimes men (husbands) think that their wives are possessions for them to order about and possess, and touch when they want. WE are here to remind them, that they are fucking wrong!

As has been said, it's a marking their territory/you belong to ME thing.

LTB

BestBadger · 29/01/2024 16:37

I wouldn't be happy, but then I've never met him and I'm a bloke. Tell him not to do it, you don't have to put up with it.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 29/01/2024 16:39

Time for you to start chewing raw garlic, spring onions and tinned sardines just before he lunges in...

Seriously, though, a tongue when you're clearly not enjoying it too is really intrusive and violating.

Without explicitly saying "I don't WANT French style right now. Let's save it for when we can BOTH take our time", you risk him interpreting your pulling away as criticism of his kissing technique in general.

(Not that you should have to spell it out, but it is what it is and sounds like he's quick to take umbrage).

Good luck.

ZuzuMyLittleGingersnap · 29/01/2024 16:42

"My DH has spells like this. Some days - a few times a day, when I get up to go for a pee, he gets up, reaches his arms out like a toddler and goes 'wah wah. kiss!' and blocks my way and won't let me past until I fucking kiss him. And he holds me tightly and squeezes me, and won't let go. 'Get outta that' he says 'go on! Get outta that!' He thinks it's endearing and loveable..."

Sorry, @EbonyRaven, but that's plain wrong. How grim for you.

EggyBreadBrekkie · 29/01/2024 16:51

I will say something.

Maybe this should be what you need to do.

It's the obvious answer, surely?

I don't understand why you've not told him before, at the time.

Blueirishrock · 29/01/2024 16:55

how annoying. My DH has spells like this. Some days - a few times a day, when I get up to go for a pee, he gets up, reaches his arms out like a toddler and goes 'wah wah. kiss!' and blocks my way and won't let me past until I fucking kiss him

Thus made me wrinkle up my nose in disgust. How do you manage to smog such a man, let alone have sex with him?

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 29/01/2024 16:58

ugh absolutely not, no way, wouldn’t find that attractive at all. There was an interesting thread recently about whether people kiss with / without tongues, (but more about in bed rather than going about your day), it really divided opinion!!

Universalsnail · 29/01/2024 16:59

Tbh I am fully down with random snogging in the day time but if im actively eating that would be a bit weird.

TeaAndTattoos · 29/01/2024 17:01

YANBU my DH does it a lot and I hate it I think they think it’s some kind of turn on for us but it’s really not it’s a big turn off getting a tongue shoved in your mouth there are times when I just want a kiss not his tongue forced into my mouth.

Blueirishrock · 29/01/2024 17:09

BardRelic · 29/01/2024 16:31

Sometimes men (husbands) think that their wives are possessions for them to order about and possess, and touch when they want. WE are here to remind them, that they are fucking wrong!

No, that is not my purpose in life. I realise it's not that simple if they only reveal their true colours once you've been with them for a while, but I just prefer not to be with a man who treats me like that. You can't train them out of that attitude and I certainly couldn't be bothered to attempt it, even if I thought it were possible.

Agree. A woman’s job is to choose relationships with men who do not treat them like possessions.

Not torture themselves with trying to train misogyny out of a misogynist. ( and fail).

It’s a disturbing indictment of the damage that the ‘Men! What are they like!’ culture causes, that women think men are just like this and they have to try to make the best of it.

Jook · 29/01/2024 17:14

No no no no no no no. No.

Dweetfidilove · 29/01/2024 17:38

Orio2023 · 29/01/2024 16:09

He's quite insecure in himself

Doesn't sound insecure. Sounds weird and controlling with no boundaries.

Do you know how much of a red flag it is that you’ve avoided telling him to stop because he might get upset? Instead you tolerate him shoving his tongue into your mouth any time he feels like.

I think this is probably the tip of the iceberg. Because there’s no way a man who forcefully tongues you is respectful of your body.

Does he do this in front of children? Or guests?

Exactly! I bet you’re right.

SoTired12 · 29/01/2024 17:48

EbonyRaven · 29/01/2024 15:23

Urgh how annoying. My DH has spells like this. Some days - a few times a day, when I get up to go for a pee, he gets up, reaches his arms out like a toddler and goes 'wah wah. kiss!' and blocks my way and won't let me past until I fucking kiss him. And he holds me tightly and squeezes me, and won't let go. 'Get outta that' he says 'go on! Get outta that!' Grin He thinks it's endearing and loveable, but in actual fact, it is bastard annoying and drives me mad.

Last time he did it, I said 'for fuck's sake I need a PISS! I am getting up to have a PISS, not to hug and kiss you!' Cue a 4 hour long sulk because I rebuffed him.

Also, he sometimes tries to keep me back when I am going off to the kitchen for a glass of water, or again going for a pee, and says 'look at this...' pointing to something on his phone or laptop. I am leaving the room but his desire to show me some shit he looking at trumps my desire to leave the room (apparently!)

I have actually started to just leave the room anyway now, and ignore his pleas to stop and come and look at what HE wants me to look at. He says 'oi I was talking to you.' I have started saying 'I told you I was leaving the fucking room! WAIT tilI come back in!'

ALSO when I complain about the hug hug hug kiss kiss kiss mwah... bullshit, he says 'can't I even kiss and hug my own WIFE now?' with THIS face > Confused

Sometimes men (husbands) think that their wives are possessions for them to order about and possess, and touch when they want. WE are here to remind them, that they are fucking wrong!

As has been said, it's a marking their territory/you belong to ME thing.

Fuck that

Combattingthemoaners · 29/01/2024 17:50

Some of the replies on this thread are hilarious 😂. I’m gay but have kissed my fair share of men. I’m clearly biased towards women but Jesus the vast majority of the blokes……..it was like kissing a limp slug. I don’t blame you for not wanting that in your mouth. Fair play to all of you ladies and I hope it was just my sample that were duds!

minthybobs · 29/01/2024 17:50

how annoying. My DH has spells like this. Some days - a few times a day, when I get up to go for a pee, he gets up, reaches his arms out like a toddler and goes 'wah wah. kiss!' and blocks my way and won't let me past until I fucking kiss him

Wah wah kiss? how can you bring yourself to have sex with this man? I think I just vomited in my mouth a little. My H is far from being "perfect" but he has never done anything as vomit worthy as this, thank goodness

SwordToFlamethrower · 29/01/2024 17:56

It isn't normal for a grown man to sulk because you denied him a French kiss when he wanted one. Dress it up how you want, it's abusive.

My husband of nearly 10 years has never behaved like this. He would be horrified to think women think its normal enough to say "most men sulk when they don't get their own way". You're talking about taking a woman when he wants her because he thinks he is entitled to her.

No. And you need to be saying it's the rapey, creepy shit that it is. Do not tolerate this from any man otherwise they will never learn.

ChiefEverythingOfficer · 29/01/2024 17:59

Nena1989x · 29/01/2024 14:53

DP's, to be precise.

For example: If he's nipping out somewhere he gives me a kiss before he goes. I'm not talking about a peck on the lips as you'd expect when saying bye, a full on snog.. tongue and all.

I'm no prude, but It can be annoying if I'm eating/drinking at the time, about to or otherwise distracted. It's one thing when you're cuddled up in bed or whatever, but at random moments throughout the day such as when i'm trying to do something.. it's a bit much.

Would you be happy with this or does it feel a bit out of touch?

No I would not be happy. Tongues are gross - all full of saliva and plaque and bits of food. Bleughhhhh!

GoldenMeadow · 29/01/2024 18:18

Disgusting. I would hate this.

I don't even like it if I'm eating and my husband tries to touch me (even lightly!)

I would feel violated by what you describe!

C1N1C · 29/01/2024 18:23

Ah, the classic 'you do something that you enjoy, but it's not what I like, so I'm going to make you feel bad about it' replies.

As for the OP not liking it... communication. Easy fix.

BardRelic · 29/01/2024 18:38

@Blueirishrock I'm actually finding parts of this thread really disturbing. It's the casual acceptance that there's some kind of inevitability about this kind of treatment - not just the pawing but the sulking when it's not tolerated. Fuck that. And it's not about differences in preferences. It's the idea that men will just be like this and women are always fighting some kind of battle against it.

I'm very glad that my DP is so respectful of my boundaries but I'm also aware that that should be the baseline for a relationship, not some sort of glorious exception.

Somatosensational · 29/01/2024 18:44

What does kissing with tongues even mean? I’ve never put my tongue in someone’s mouth. It’s only happened to me once and I recoiled. A good kiss doesn’t involve tongues leaving mouths.

YANBU OP.