Potential cheating Dad, do I tell Mum?

[MagicMatilda]

I have found out that my Dad is on dating websites, well I say dating they are more a casual hook up situation…no strings, no feelings etc.

Mum and Dad have been “happily” married for 30 odd years so do I inform my Mum?

I have proof he’s been looking on these websites but no solid proof he’s met up with any of these ladies.

Any advice please?

Tricky one. I'd tell your dad that you've seen him online and ask him when he's going to tell your mum.

Screen shot the evidence and show her, but be prepared that she might already know and be living with it. People live in different ways.

Oh that's difficult. I'm erring on the side of not telling her but letting your dad know you know. Anyway, maybe your mum knows but turns a blind eye.

No

I agree that she could know. I'd speak to him first.

What sort of proof? There is a difference between browsing history ( he'll say he accidently clicked on a pop up) and him having a profile on one of these sites.

you know your mum best, and their relationship. I guess it depends on things like is she happy with the current set up etc.. if they have an already turbulent relationship then this might be what she needs to leave.

It's difficult to generalise as for a couple who seem very happy together (particularly if you live with them or see them regularly) it may be that a different approach is needed.

I really don’t think she would be the kind to put up with it from conversations we’ve had but of course you never know!

If I tell my Dad I know I think my mum would feel betrayed I didn’t go to her first. I can’t win, this is the trouble!!

Yes screenshoots but over a period of time not just one day and someone I know told me they saw him browsing

I told my dad that my mum cheated on my dad.

It wasn't nice, the messenger was shot (by my mum, not my dad)

It was a hard time but I absolutely couldn't not tell my dad. If he knew DH did that and didn't tell me I'd be heartbroken.

I wouldn't tell your dad. That gives him time to think up a story that justifies what he's done, discredits you, etc.

If you're mum knows or doesn't care then she can choose not to take it further, but if she does want to do something about it, that time before your dad finds out she knows could be very useful to her in terms of forming her own thoughts, coming to terms with it, getting ducks in a row. If you tell your dad and he ambushes her with the information you take that opportunity away from your mum.

Unpopular opinion here. They are your parents. Keep out of it.

When, and only when, you get your 100% proof, should you approach them and broach the subject.

Otherwise, everything else is circumstancial and can be explained away.

Tell your mum. She's been betrayed by your dad and it would be awful if when this comes out (as it will) she feels betrayed by you aswell.

Then I think you should tell her. If you are close to her and she will see you have her best interests at heart I would 100% tell her.

If one of my daughters came and told me this I would know they are doing it cos they had my back. And nothing else!!

I would not give him upper hand by telling him first. If he's on dating sites he will delete and remove any evidence of it and that's messier for you!

No, I do understand this way of thinking. I absolutely hate my Dad though!! (prior to this whole situation)

I think I would have to tell my mum. I definitely wouldn’t tell my dad first.

Gosh it’s awful. I might even chicken out and anonymously post evidence to mum 😳

Tell your mum. If my daughter knew that her dad was doing this behind my back, I would want to know. I personally wouldn't shoot the messenger as I would understand what a difficult position my DD was in.
Definitely tell her, it's the right thing to do.
Imagine if it came out later that you knew and said nothing...

Yes, I would be extremely concerned that it would come out that I knew and didn’t say anything. She would be absolutely livid with me.

That might actually be a fabulous idea to post. I’d just be so paranoid about postage location or something giving it away. I’m so paranoid

So are you telling your mum because you think she needs to know, or, are you telling your mum because you hate your dad and want to see him suffering ?

Be very sure if your evidence, and that it’s not lots of assumptions being jumped to because you hate him.. also, be prepared that this might not go the way you want / expect

Do you think he’s browsing, or that it’s gone further to actually meeting and sleeping with other people?

If there’s a chance her sexual health would be at risk, I would tell her in a heartbeat.

I told my mum when my dad was spending alone time with a much younger woman.
It didn't go down well but they worked through it and they're still together. This was about 20 years ago.

I couldn't not tell her. She deserved to know the truth.

I would have to tell my mum. I couldnt not tell her. I'd be prepared to be there for her, as much as she needed me.

Tell her but go armed with facts. Are you on the site that he’s posting on? If not can you make a fake log in so you can show her rather than screenshots etc?

Tell her. Even if he hasn't met anyone he's cheating imo. I would consider it cheating if my partner was trying to pick up other women.

It will suck but she's better off knowing.