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AIBU?

My parents have changed their will for me

61 replies

Rosemary1981 · 29/01/2024 07:08

To cut a long story short, my family are very Jeremy Kyle worthy...here is just a tiny snippet of whats gone on and why, there is much more but I can't write forever!

I am the youngest of 3 daughters, and when I finally had my daughter at 28 everything changed from by siblings.

I was a very caring, hands on auntie, always around for the kids above and beyond, infact as I lived at home still while most of them were born, I was always baby sitting and my sisters would argue because they would leave the kids with me and not the other. (They say awful things about eachother and their kids).

My daughter is mixed, and when she was born we noticed remarks from both sisters, constant gas lighting behaviour and they snubbed my partner, our house and were never around for me or to see the baby. My parents didn't stand up for me at that time as much as they should and It had a huge impact on me, all that I gave to them and I got nothing from them, I was now an inconvenience.

The last straw was at a party for my niece, my 11 month old daughter at the time picked up a gift and ripped a piece of wrapping paper off of it it didn't even open the gift, my sisters sat in the corner like a pair of witches making remarks about my baby in front of everyone and I lost my temper, told them what I thought of them, left and cut them off from then, and I haven't spoken to them since. We moved well away and moved closer to my parents and we rebuilt my life with friends to fill the void of loosing all the kids.

They tried to follow me on social media for some time after, as one of my sisters is very into online stalking, I wouldn't be surprised if they know where I live and everything about us still.

Its been 6 years, and according to my parents its just got worse and worse. My parents have relationships with them both, but its all on their own terms. My parents feel my sisters are raising the grandchildren as brats and they are sick to death of the horrible things they say about eachothers kids, and just generally being vile, my sisters don't really care for my parents either and haven't been around for their health.

My parents are at breaking point with them and I think one more thing and my parents would cut them off all together.

Last night my Dad dropped a bit of a bombshell, he told me how they have decided to change the will, I will be sole executive.

They told me how they are doing this for me and for my daughter, its for her, for all the hurt my sisters have caused for me to take the power back.

My parents absolutely worship my daughter, and they have said they will leave a larger amount to her.

I am so shocked and upset about it all, they do not want or trust my sisters. They know they won't be fair and they will be init only for themselves and make my life a misery.

My question is has anyone been through similar. What else do I need to consider when I take this on. My parents said they have other adjustments to make so everything would be in my name, as they don't trust my sisters at all. For health decisions ect ect.

I have said if this goes ahead I won't have any contact with them when the time comes (hopefully 20+ years away). It will cost but I would have all contact through a solicitor, I know they will play dirty I know they will try to harass me even with this in place.

My parents will tell them when its all changed and done, and I know full well they they will be shocked and rage about it. I am expecting some abuse from them to be honest.

My sisters will get smaller shares, and their children. I don't think my parents will tell them that, in their old age it will be me who looks after them.

What else do I need to consider, I understand legally they won't be able to do much if a tall, but I know they will still try and make my life hard.

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

107 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
26%
You are NOT being unreasonable
74%
ohmygolli · 29/01/2024 07:11

It’s your parents Will, therefore it’s up to them how they decide to write it really.
im not sure what the question is here?
you should feel proud that they are trusting you. Don’t let them down

AhBiscuits · 29/01/2024 07:12

Do you mean sole beneficiary? The executor doesn't necessarily get any money.

Alwaysalwayscold · 29/01/2024 07:14

It's their decision and there's nothing your nasty sisters can do about it. I'm glad they don't want to reward her bad behaviour.

Personally I'd tell them to spend it all now enjoying their last years and forget leaving anything to anyone.

Logainm · 29/01/2024 07:16

You’re not being clear. Do you mean your parents are making you sole executor or sole beneficiary?

Whinge · 29/01/2024 07:18

AhBiscuits · 29/01/2024 07:12

Do you mean sole beneficiary? The executor doesn't necessarily get any money.

This ⬆️

@Rosemary1981 I think you may have misunderstood what your parents have done. Being made sole executor isn't much of a bombshell, apart from the fact it could potentially be a huge amount of work for you.

pickledandpuzzled · 29/01/2024 07:20

She’s been very clear. The shares distributed have been adjusted AND OP will be the only executor and PoA.

That is a visible expression of trust but also a heap of work.

WaitingForSunnyDays · 29/01/2024 07:21

I suggest you ask your parents to write a very short, simple statement explaining why they have written their will with a non-equal division of inheritance, and ask a neighbour or friend to witness their signing it (the neighbour doesn't need to know what it says). Then there's not really any way your sisters could challenge the will in court. Best to do that while your parents are still clearly "of sound mind" rather than waiting.

pickledandpuzzled · 29/01/2024 07:23

But if the estate is of reasonable size you will be able to pay to get some stuff done.

Things to think about- blocking your sibs contact method- preferably changing your number- so they can’t constantly harass you about it.

You could give the solicitor’s number and just keep repeating the solicitor is handling it, even if they really aren’t.
But the estates may well be charged for the constant calls.

It would be worth discussing with a solicitor ahead of time so they can advise. Check if your parents have done so. Perhaps ask on the legal board.

Luckydog7 · 29/01/2024 07:23

Op said sole executer but that her sisters are getting a smaller share then her too so obviously not sole beneficiary.

CormorantStrikesBack · 29/01/2024 07:24

If you are the sole executor then that can’t play dirty surrounding the will can they? You will be the only one with power to do anything, access bank accounts, get probate, etc? If you mean they might give you abuse over it then just ignore.

pickledandpuzzled · 29/01/2024 07:26

The executor is responsible for what happens but not for doing it. You can outsource it etc.

How far will they go to cause trouble? You will need to clear the house which will be a point of vulnerability where they can find you.

You could also get them to spin it with your sibs- say they are saving them a chore, with you being nearer it will be easier.

I think you need ways to mollify them ahead of time, if they are going to be nasty.

Quitelikeacatslife · 29/01/2024 07:27

The executor just carries out the wishes of the person with a solicitor. It's a job you've been given because they trust you. It isn't related to the beneficiaries. Try not to worry now, it would be best though if your parents discuss what's in the will so as not to leave that as a shock to everyone. However it doesn't need to be yet, maybe wait another 10 years or so or until one of them has passed. Most of their estate may yet go on care or similar or they may change their mind and will .

BeadedBubbles · 29/01/2024 07:28

Being executor just means you are responsible for ensuring people get whatever is bequeathed to them in someone's will. It's just an administrative role.

From what you say it sounds like your parents are leaving you/your dd a larger share of their estate, but not cutting your sisters out.

I'm not sure why they need to be told anything about this until the time comes for you to fulfil your duties as executor?

You mention health so it sounds like they plan to give you power of attorney so you can make decisions about their health and finances should they lose capacity to act for themselves. With such dysfunctional relationships in play it makes sense not to give this to one or both of your sisters as well. But again, why do they need to know now?

cheezncrackers · 29/01/2024 07:29

It sounds like OP will be the executor and then get a larger share of the proceeds of the will (along with her DD), with the two ugly sisters getting a much smaller share. It's like a rewriting of Cinderella.

Scarletttulips · 29/01/2024 07:29

Your parents do need to include your sisters even if it’s £1 each so they can’t say their parents didn’t consider them/their needs.

As you are no contact - keep it that way.

They can only upset you if they allow it - and to be honest in 20 years time you’ll be a different person anyway!! You take much less crap when you’re older and hopefully wiser!

cheezncrackers · 29/01/2024 07:30

OP if your sisters harass you, either in person or online, I would report it to the police. There are laws in place to protect you, so don't be afraid to use them.

Beyondbeyondbeyond · 29/01/2024 07:33

Honestly I would ask them to split the money in 3 equal shares. They will be causing you endless hassle if your sisters contest. The whole dynamic sounds absolutely terrible but it has come from somewhere. Your parents behaviour is utterly bizarre but your sisters sound awful.

MarieG10 · 29/01/2024 07:35

Your parents can of course do whatever they want with their money. However, it sounds like your sisters would probably try and challenge the will.

Please ensure they use a solicitor to redraw the will. Ask them to fully explain to the solicitor their rationale and take advice how this was documented. I have seen reasons explained in a will why for example it was divided as it was.

Maybe also avoid being present with them if they ask when they go to change the will so no suggestions you have coerced them at all.

Have they also considered making powers of attorney as well.

Sadly brace yourself for whatever happens in a few hopefully many more years

Logainm · 29/01/2024 07:35

pickledandpuzzled · 29/01/2024 07:20

She’s been very clear. The shares distributed have been adjusted AND OP will be the only executor and PoA.

That is a visible expression of trust but also a heap of work.

I agree that this sounds like what has been decided, but I don’t think the OP is particularly clear about it — there’s a distinct air of ‘got one over on my sisters’, and obviously it is a gesture of trust from her parents, but in fact the OP seems to be taking on a huge amount of work, stress and potential sibling conflict down the road. It sounds like a poisoned chalice to me.

mamacorn1 · 29/01/2024 07:38

It’s their will and it’s their choice- stay out of it and when the time comes accept they had their reasons.

Riva5784 · 29/01/2024 07:39

As others have said, the executor must ensure that the estate is distributed in accordance with the terms of the will. Absolutely use a solicitor, their fees will be paid by the estate. They will also be able to advise you about harassment, if the siblings behaviour descends to that level.

IlsSortLaPlupartAuNuitMostly · 29/01/2024 07:43

Scarletttulips · 29/01/2024 07:29

Your parents do need to include your sisters even if it’s £1 each so they can’t say their parents didn’t consider them/their needs.

As you are no contact - keep it that way.

They can only upset you if they allow it - and to be honest in 20 years time you’ll be a different person anyway!! You take much less crap when you’re older and hopefully wiser!

A) it doesn't really work like that - more important to leave a letter explaining why you've left someone out if you've done something unexpected that might be challenged
B) they have left money to the sisters, just less than the OP

TaylorNotSoSwift · 29/01/2024 07:46

Do you live in England - rules vary around the UK on whether children can be cut out of a will.
Are you sole beneficiary or sole executor? There are huge differences.

MinervatheGreat · 29/01/2024 07:48

OP I’m glad for you that at least you seem to have a good relationship with your parents.

Your parents are not obliged to tell anyone, you included, how their will is set up. Most parents/people keep quiet about that because it’s no one else’s business.

Meanwhile I think you are a bit confused about terminology.
Look up what Executor, Beneficiary and Power of Attorney means because your post has confused some of us.

When the time comes you will, as an Executor (and Beneficiary) have a lot of paperwork and practical things to do. Potentially It will be a hugely busy and draining time. If your sisters kick off, just refer them to the solicitor you use and stay out of it with them. Lots of family Executors have to do that because of nonsense from grabby family members.

SaturdayGiraffe · 29/01/2024 07:49

They sound like people who would erupt in fury even if they were given equal shares.
Nothing will make them happy, so your parents are right to ignore attempting to do so.

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