My parents have changed their will for me

[Rosemary1981]

To cut a long story short, my family are very Jeremy Kyle worthy...here is just a tiny snippet of whats gone on and why, there is much more but I can't write forever!

I am the youngest of 3 daughters, and when I finally had my daughter at 28 everything changed from by siblings.

I was a very caring, hands on auntie, always around for the kids above and beyond, infact as I lived at home still while most of them were born, I was always baby sitting and my sisters would argue because they would leave the kids with me and not the other. (They say awful things about eachother and their kids).

My daughter is mixed, and when she was born we noticed remarks from both sisters, constant gas lighting behaviour and they snubbed my partner, our house and were never around for me or to see the baby. My parents didn't stand up for me at that time as much as they should and It had a huge impact on me, all that I gave to them and I got nothing from them, I was now an inconvenience.

The last straw was at a party for my niece, my 11 month old daughter at the time picked up a gift and ripped a piece of wrapping paper off of it it didn't even open the gift, my sisters sat in the corner like a pair of witches making remarks about my baby in front of everyone and I lost my temper, told them what I thought of them, left and cut them off from then, and I haven't spoken to them since. We moved well away and moved closer to my parents and we rebuilt my life with friends to fill the void of loosing all the kids.

They tried to follow me on social media for some time after, as one of my sisters is very into online stalking, I wouldn't be surprised if they know where I live and everything about us still.

Its been 6 years, and according to my parents its just got worse and worse. My parents have relationships with them both, but its all on their own terms. My parents feel my sisters are raising the grandchildren as brats and they are sick to death of the horrible things they say about eachothers kids, and just generally being vile, my sisters don't really care for my parents either and haven't been around for their health.

My parents are at breaking point with them and I think one more thing and my parents would cut them off all together.

Last night my Dad dropped a bit of a bombshell, he told me how they have decided to change the will, I will be sole executive.

They told me how they are doing this for me and for my daughter, its for her, for all the hurt my sisters have caused for me to take the power back.

My parents absolutely worship my daughter, and they have said they will leave a larger amount to her.

I am so shocked and upset about it all, they do not want or trust my sisters. They know they won't be fair and they will be init only for themselves and make my life a misery.

My question is has anyone been through similar. What else do I need to consider when I take this on. My parents said they have other adjustments to make so everything would be in my name, as they don't trust my sisters at all. For health decisions ect ect.

I have said if this goes ahead I won't have any contact with them when the time comes (hopefully 20+ years away). It will cost but I would have all contact through a solicitor, I know they will play dirty I know they will try to harass me even with this in place.

My parents will tell them when its all changed and done, and I know full well they they will be shocked and rage about it. I am expecting some abuse from them to be honest.

My sisters will get smaller shares, and their children. I don't think my parents will tell them that, in their old age it will be me who looks after them.

What else do I need to consider, I understand legally they won't be able to do much if a tall, but I know they will still try and make my life hard.

I know that there are an infinite number of ways to be "a family" and so it's not that I don't believe the op has written her post as she views things, but from an outsider looking in there are a few things that stand out to me as a bit strange.

Firstly, you mention what a good aunt you were while you were living at home with your parents. That's great, but presumably you were a good aunt because you loved your siblings and their children and also because you had the time and energy to do so.

Then you go on to say that they didn't help you back. Ok, I understand all too well how difficult being a new mum is, but I also know that if when your daughter was born they already had multiple children and running a family they wouldn't have had the time or energy in the same way as a single young person living at home.
You also say your parents didn't back you up. Maybe because it wasn't realistic or that they too had become older. ( not sure if I have interpreted this correctly)

Secondly, and most importantly. I find it odd that out of the blue you feel that your siblings were racist towards your partner and child. I say this because you grew up with these people and you were raised by your parents. Unless they have been in some way influenced by their own husbands etc, or you perhaps influenced by your own partner, how can you not know that they were racist? Why do you feel that this is to do with your partner's race rather than them not liking him. Also you cut contact after an incident with your daughter at a birthday party.

I am from a multi cultural family and some members of wider family could easily say racist things, I wouldn't be at all surprised though. I know them, and the context in which they have been brought up. This is why I find it surprising that it's out of the blue.
I'm obviously not saying these things didn't happen but I find it hard that you somehow paint your parents as almost "victims" of their two eldest daughters, rather than the people who raised them and instilled in them their values etc. if you were raised in a racist family, but disagreed with their thinking, then surely you would have been aware of this, but why then did you continue to be involved with your parents?

Anyway, the whole will situation says to me that your parents don't mind all this drama, and probably enjoy the attention a little bit, otherwise they would have sorted their will and not spoken of it to anyone. All this telling people is bound to cause animosity unless everything is equal, which you say it won't be.

i would do the same as them too

I am not sure if you mean executor or beneficiary. You can nominate anyone to be executor and may be better picking the solicitor who drew up the will as they cannot be accused of partiality. For the other, if you are the sole beneficiary, good for you. I would not say anything to them at the moment, they are not owed any information.

Having been one of 4 executors, but the one that did all of the work, I’d say it’s far better to have a sole one.

I had to get my siblings (in-person) signatures and it was a complete pain in the arse for all of us.

@itchyjumper I think its entirely possible to be surprised by people you grew up with reaction to someone's race. Where I grew up, at least at the time I was a child, it was not very diverse. There were certain pockets of the town that had more cultures and diversity, but in general you didn't see many people of other cultures.

I have one uncle I would never be surprised by things he comes out with. He's awful and has horrible views and opinions. However, I was recently surprised by a different family member making a comment I never thought they would. When I've thought about it (after reading your post) I realised I'd never been in the same place as them and someone of this particular culture.

@IpsyUpsyDaisyDoos
Yes I suppose people can always surprise you, even family members. It's just that in the OP's case it sounded to me slightly like she has in some way dived her family into two parts, awful elder sisters and helpless parents, with whom she has now aligned.
I just feel that there must be more to it than this, but of course this is just an impression from the OP and may not be true in the least.

@itchyjumper I got a similar impression, as if they were one big happy family until her child came along and she's decided that's because of race rather than anything else. But from my own experience, growing up with people doesn't mean you can't be surprised by their views.

It's very common for people to see their birth family set-up through different eyes once they have a child of their own.

I suspect it might not have been the child itself that caused anything to change, but OP re-evaluating family relationships and seeing that things she had thought were "normal" might not be so.

Have I misunderstood this? Your parents are leaving their estate to you and your two siblings in equal share but appointing you as executor?

If this is the case, then I would say that they are giving you a terrible job and whilst they may not trust your siblings, it is an awful burden for them to saddle you with. I have no idea of the value of the estate, but would it not be worth finding a solicitor they trust and appointing the solicitor as the executor? This is what we have done with our will as we decided that we did not want to saddle family members with such a huge administrative headache and responsibility.

It's also quite common for people to only fully realise the toxic nature of family dynamics further on in life.

A few things in your post, OP, point me in the direction of family relations always having been chaotic.
First, your Jeremy Kyle analogy: that's not picked at random. It shows a serious level of dysfunction.
Then, when you say you "finally" had your dd at 28. 28 is a very normal age to have your first child, but the face you mention it suggest it's fairly uncommon in your family maybe? If your sisters had multiple children very young, the immature behaviour with regards to you and your daughter is in keeping with the rest of the picture.
With that in mind, I find the posters suggesting you're the "golden child" a bit unfair. It's a scenario to be conscious of sure, but it's just as likely your parents have seen you make wiser life choices and they know that if your sisters are in charge, disaster is unavoidable.

But your parents also sound like they're not making things easy for you. They should ideally appoint a solicitor as executor of the will. Can you ask them to do that?
You don't need to know what is in it and neither do your sisters at this point. They can make any decision they want and change their minds multiple times between then and now (you should be prepared for them to do this). But if your sisters and their families are volatile, it's best you not be involved in executing anything.

As for your DD getting a larger share than her cousins, it's again their choice but maybe you could ask them that rather than exposing this to your sisters in a will, which is likely to cause resentment, they put money in a savings account for her that she'll only be able to access at 18. That way, your sisters needn't know.

I'm assuming you're in England?

Here in Scotland a child is entitled to a share of whatever assets are left. My dad left everything to my mother, her will is the same, everything left to her.

My brother and me were both entitled to a share, we just had to sign a document saying if we'd accept the money or not.