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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Am I in the wrong here?

72 replies

Holliel1234 · 29/01/2024 03:46

I have been in a relationship for around 8 months, things good at first but I noticed a change in behaviour a few weeks ago , being weird with his phone etc he is also extremely paranoid and is accusing me of cheating a lot. He has been very distant and I’ve noticed withholding affection/sex. When I bring this up he tries to turn it back around onto me.

I was with him yesterday and someone added me on Snapchat, it was a quick add so it was just someone random, he blew it way out of proportion and started an argument. He said some hurtful things (most men wouldn’t want a single mother) He then refused to talk to me all night and wouldn’t get into bed next to me and said If he did I shouldn’t touch him - this ran through until the next day when I told him his reaction is definitely not normal to something so small. I told him I wanted some space as the constant accusations and the fact he’s been so distant lately is making me suspicious and I don’t want to feel like that, he then all of sudden started crying and was asking me not to leave, I left and now he’s constantly ringing my phone on a no caller id, texting me saying I’ve broken his heart and that I’m heartless etc and he feels like he opened up to me I’ve betrayed his trust? But I haven’t actually done anything I just can’t take the constant accusations and coldness.

OP posts:
Manyandyoucanwalkover · 29/01/2024 03:47

Get rid. Life is too short to put up with this shit.

stonebrambleboy · 29/01/2024 03:49

Manyandyoucanwalkover · 29/01/2024 03:47

Get rid. Life is too short to put up with this shit.

Absolutely.

RowanMayfair · 29/01/2024 03:52

Stay away. He's a mind fuck and definitely abusive.

honeyrider · 29/01/2024 03:59

RowanMayfair · 29/01/2024 03:52

Stay away. He's a mind fuck and definitely abusive.

This 100%.

Dump the textbook abusive prick and don't let him manipulate his way back in.

RantyAnty · 29/01/2024 03:59

He's a lunatic. Tell him next time he contacts you, you're going to the police.

FictionalCharacter · 29/01/2024 04:00

Thankfully he's shown what a paranoid, unstable, manipulative, nasty piece of work he is very early in the relationship.
Dump him pronto and don't let anyone make you doubt yourself again when it's clearly their behaviour that's the issue.

Vergeofbreakdown23 · 29/01/2024 04:05

FictionalCharacter · 29/01/2024 04:00

Thankfully he's shown what a paranoid, unstable, manipulative, nasty piece of work he is very early in the relationship.
Dump him pronto and don't let anyone make you doubt yourself again when it's clearly their behaviour that's the issue.

This 100% with bells on!
Look after yourself @Holliel1234

GreatGateauxsby · 29/01/2024 04:07

Please just break up with him.

Don't believe his BS chat, do not doubt yourself.

Find someone normal / healthy/ non controlling/ non abusive OR just be single and happy!!

Peanutsforthebluetit · 29/01/2024 04:10

Dump and block, OP.

Textbook abuser including the emotional blackmail, crying and guilt tripping you !

Next tactic might be his best behaviour to lure you back.
Stay away from him !

Holliel1234 · 29/01/2024 04:12

Apparently he’s been so cold because I don’t see him enough, I spend every weekend and 2 days a week with him whilst having kids and work. He turns everything back onto me , definitely narcissistic traits. Any ideas on how to end things without chaos?

OP posts:
KnowledgeableMomma · 29/01/2024 04:15

Holliel1234 · 29/01/2024 04:12

Apparently he’s been so cold because I don’t see him enough, I spend every weekend and 2 days a week with him whilst having kids and work. He turns everything back onto me , definitely narcissistic traits. Any ideas on how to end things without chaos?

Dear Dickface,
I do not tolerate the type of behavior you have been exhibiting. It is clear this relationship is not going to move forward. We are over.

Done, block when/if he starts harassing you.

StopStartStop · 29/01/2024 04:17

Time to leave.

GreatGateauxsby · 29/01/2024 04:22

Holliel1234 · 29/01/2024 04:12

Apparently he’s been so cold because I don’t see him enough, I spend every weekend and 2 days a week with him whilst having kids and work. He turns everything back onto me , definitely narcissistic traits. Any ideas on how to end things without chaos?

Dear dickface,
Its very clear we are not compatible. I don't want the same things as you and we do not make each other happy.
It's best we end things now early on and have a clean break from each other.
I wish you all the best.
Please don't contact me again

Delete and block.

itsgettingweird · 29/01/2024 04:22

Glad you left.

Now stay away.

Block him if needs be.

So many red flags here and you've done the right thing

PeopleAreWeird · 29/01/2024 04:24

RUN ! Fast ! 🚩

HomeTheatreSystem · 29/01/2024 04:25

He's crying because he's upset he may have to spend time in training someone new to accept his abusive behaviour and he'd rather keep going as he is. You've seen what he's like, just tell him that you're not compatible: he has as much of your time and attention as you are able to give and as it's apparently not enough for him, you need to part ways. He sounds horrible: if he'd addressed the issue in a mature and adult way there could have been a conversation about it, but for him to act like this is unacceptable. Sounds like he's done you a favour.

Theoldbird · 29/01/2024 04:27

He is an abuser, it's good you discovered this so early on. You have to block him, there's no other way. After a quick message saying it's over.

Peanutsforthebluetit · 29/01/2024 04:33

Agree, tell him this is no longer working for you and go no contact by blocking on all possible modes of communication including email.

If he turns up at your place, call the police.

GreatGateauxsby · 29/01/2024 04:43

Also agree if he does ANYTHING weird or shows up etc - call the police.

Do not give him the benefit of the doubt, ask him not to, agree to chat etc.
It sends the message you are weak and he can talk you round.....

If you call the police first time he tries something it shows you mean business and he should fuck off and find someone else to headwreck.

MrsTerryPratchett · 29/01/2024 04:44

Holliel1234 · 29/01/2024 04:12

Apparently he’s been so cold because I don’t see him enough, I spend every weekend and 2 days a week with him whilst having kids and work. He turns everything back onto me , definitely narcissistic traits. Any ideas on how to end things without chaos?

Very quickly.

filthypride · 29/01/2024 04:49

My ex displayed sneaky behaviour within the first 2 weeks and got VERY VERY defensive when I asked him about it (which he didn't like because I shouldn't have asked, I should have trusted him (what a joker ) even when he slammed his laptop down and refused to show me what he was looking at, no it wasn't porn cause that wouldn't have bothered me, he was talking to other women).... anyhoo I digress... dump him now, dump and run, dump and block, dump and move on with your life without this shit ruining it....

You. Are. Welcome.

Olika · 29/01/2024 04:50

Just tell him it's not working for you and that's it. He is not stable and definitely not someone who you should be with.

Boatshoes · 29/01/2024 04:52

You need to leave him, OP. Things will only get worse - do you really want your child around this sort of person? You are worth more than that.

Mothership4two · 29/01/2024 04:54

Olika · 29/01/2024 04:50

Just tell him it's not working for you and that's it. He is not stable and definitely not someone who you should be with.

^^ this

And don't waste time wondering about anything he has accused you of doing - you know he is making it up

PretzelMeUp · 29/01/2024 05:03

Minimal drama/engagement response. Literally exactly what @Olika said:

“Dear blank, this isn’t working for me. Please do not contact me. I wish you the best.”

Grey rock. Whatever he says (I personally think when someone is a bit weird/OTT it’s actually better/safer to ignore rather than block if you can, so you are tracking their reaction) you do not respond or respond as monosyllabic as poss. If he calls you heartless/loves you more than life/terrible mother/whatever nonsense, you don’t respond.

Good luck. Sounds awful.