Am I in the wrong here?

[Holliel1234]

I have been in a relationship for around 8 months, things good at first but I noticed a change in behaviour a few weeks ago , being weird with his phone etc he is also extremely paranoid and is accusing me of cheating a lot. He has been very distant and I’ve noticed withholding affection/sex. When I bring this up he tries to turn it back around onto me.

I was with him yesterday and someone added me on Snapchat, it was a quick add so it was just someone random, he blew it way out of proportion and started an argument. He said some hurtful things (most men wouldn’t want a single mother) He then refused to talk to me all night and wouldn’t get into bed next to me and said If he did I shouldn’t touch him - this ran through until the next day when I told him his reaction is definitely not normal to something so small. I told him I wanted some space as the constant accusations and the fact he’s been so distant lately is making me suspicious and I don’t want to feel like that, he then all of sudden started crying and was asking me not to leave, I left and now he’s constantly ringing my phone on a no caller id, texting me saying I’ve broken his heart and that I’m heartless etc and he feels like he opened up to me I’ve betrayed his trust? But I haven’t actually done anything I just can’t take the constant accusations and coldness.

Everything you've described are tactics straight out of the controlling abuser's handbook. It will only get worse. Cut your losses now. If you are foolish enough to think you can fix him, or that it will get better with time, then you will regret it.

The best way to end it without chaos is to leave absolutely no doubt in his mind that you are resolute it is over and there is no room for negotiation. If you give him the slightest idea that he can turn you around then he will try to using every trick in the manipulator's toolbox. Do not apologise, do not try to let him down gently, do not try and take some share of the blame in an attempt to make him feel better. These are all things that you might do to make it easier but he will interpret them as signs of weakness in your defences.

It can only get worse. Let him go!

Unfortunately, you are in the chaos, and have been from the start.

End it quickly and resolutely ... and have the police on speed dial in case you need them.

He's emotionally abusive and controlling and you need to dump him. He's vile.

⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️⛳️ Head fuck alert!

Just say “I am sorry but this isn’t working for me anymore and I no longer want a relationship with you”. Then block, delete his number and move on!

No apology required:

I’m ending this relationship as it no longer works for me. No need to reply or contact me. All the best ‘name’.

Then block him. Don’t sit waiting for his reply. If he comes round, don’t answer the door or engage through the letterbox etc and if he continues to harass you, call the police.

This is bad advice - he needs to know it’s over. Don’t play games with an abusive man.

He's tapped, run a mile

Block him on everything. Call the police if he shows up. It’s the only way with someone like this.

I told him to not contact me again, he hasn’t stopped texting on different numbers and no caller id, I’ve blocked no caller id calls coming through. He’s been saying he’s going to cause trouble with my kids dad and with my friends so everyone falls out with me. He sounds & acts like a stroppy teenager and any feelings I did have have now gone. I will go to the police if it carries on.

Yes go to the police. A quiet word might do it. If it doesn't, it's better the police know about him from the start.

Keep notes of every time he contacts you after you've said you want no contact.

It makes me laugh (in a sad way) that these guys seem to think that you'd actually want to spend more time with them when they act like this. Surely if you want to see more of someone you're best off being nice to them?!

Anyway, well done for recognising his abuse and getting away now.

Gosh, that's attractive! I can't think why you wouldn't want to be with him if he says things like this when he doesn't get his own way🙄

You don't need to give him a reason why you don't want t be with him. Just say it's not working for me and leave it at that. I'd call the police now tbh given how much he is harassing you.

RUN A MILE (or 20)

Record your calls (download an app) and screenshot any texts. I agree with @MrsTerryPratchett , a quiet word with the police might be useful

So sorry you are going through this. But he has shown his true colours now. It's sounds as if you are doing all the right things. As the others have said, don't hesitate to involve the Police.

Christ, glad you ended it, just block on all platforms and ignore op. If you’ve a good relationship with others, maybe warn them he’s a nutter.

Don't entertain his drama. Just concentrate on your everyday life and let him run out of steam by himself.

Ring the non emergency number (101) and log it now so they’ve got the info and make a note of each time he’s called and the veiled threats about causing trouble.

Give people a heads up about what he’s said so that if he does contact them he’s on the back foot.

Send a final message repeating that you want no contact and a log has been made and any future contact will be treated as harassment.

Men like this assume you WONT tell anyone because you’ll be embarrassed/ won’t want to cause trouble. Bullies rely on knowing you’ll isolate yourself for fear of “making a fuss” but trust me, you fuss hard and loud and he will back off.

He's likely messaging other woman when not with you hence the phone stuff.

Unfortunately you can't end things without chaos. Block his number block on all socials and if he turns up at your property call the police if he won't leave and ask them to speak to him regarding harassment hopefully that will be enough.

BTW the not spending enough time with me is code for I want you in my sights at all times. He said the hurtful stuff to attack your self esteem so you will make do with him. Run for the hills before he acctually convinces you that he's correct. I really hope your out of this relationship as it's been a few months.

Zombie thread