Am I in the wrong here?

[Holliel1234]

I have been in a relationship for around 8 months, things good at first but I noticed a change in behaviour a few weeks ago , being weird with his phone etc he is also extremely paranoid and is accusing me of cheating a lot. He has been very distant and I’ve noticed withholding affection/sex. When I bring this up he tries to turn it back around onto me.

I was with him yesterday and someone added me on Snapchat, it was a quick add so it was just someone random, he blew it way out of proportion and started an argument. He said some hurtful things (most men wouldn’t want a single mother) He then refused to talk to me all night and wouldn’t get into bed next to me and said If he did I shouldn’t touch him - this ran through until the next day when I told him his reaction is definitely not normal to something so small. I told him I wanted some space as the constant accusations and the fact he’s been so distant lately is making me suspicious and I don’t want to feel like that, he then all of sudden started crying and was asking me not to leave, I left and now he’s constantly ringing my phone on a no caller id, texting me saying I’ve broken his heart and that I’m heartless etc and he feels like he opened up to me I’ve betrayed his trust? But I haven’t actually done anything I just can’t take the constant accusations and coldness.

You know that he is a nut case. Why spend even one minute with someone like him.He is not decent enough to introduce to your children so cut all ties.

Accidentally clicked YABU -

• but you are NOT being unreasonable at all. Sounds like you’re best out of there.

In my experience, unreasonable accusations of cheating usually meant the accuser was the cheater!

Definitely dump. Definitely block. But I would be careful how you word the reasoning so as not to rile him up further than necessary. He sounds dangerous. If he does contact you after you’ve told him not to, log it with the police.

But according to him, other men won't want a single mother. So what's up with the mad jealousy? And now the grovelling and panic to get you back?

He is manipulative AF. Run.

He's shown you who he is, believe him... End it, he's definitely abusive, he has many of the tendencies.

Don't be won over by the tears and dramatics... That's him being manipulative.

As others have said life is too short for all of this.

Lots of men will want a single mother, so just ignore that. It's a classic put down by needy, insecure, manipulative, abusive men.

He sounds like a nightmare. In the bin.

Text him and say you are ending the relationship and do not want to hear from him again. You hope he will respect that because any further communication will be considered harassment by both yourself and the police because if he does contact you again you will definitely report him.

No explanations. No apologies

Na, I wouldn’t bother with the whole “it’s not working for me line.” A simple “it’s over, don’t contact me again.” Followed by blocking him on every avenue and setting your phone so it doesn’t receive incoming calls from withheld numbers.

Oh and don’t be surprised if he threatens suicide. And if he does you have one of two options:

Either ignore completely.

Or tell him to crack on and that you don’t care.

It’s high time these dickheads started to realise that these kinds of threats should be treated with the contempt they deserve.§§

"I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore, don't contact me again"

He’s a control freak and he likes playing mind games, and this latest one has backfired - that’s why he’s upset. As others have said, best not to engage beyond the minimum needed to end things. ‘Dear shithead, this isn’t working for me any more and it’s best if we end it now so we can both move on’. Then block, ignore and police if he tries anything.

In your OP you said all was fine at first then a recent behaviour change which has brought you to this stage. That’s the classic MO of an abuser - normal at first and the control comes bit by bit as he shows you who he really is. When you said he had started being weird with his phone while at the same time accusing you of cheating, it crossed my mind that he’s the one doing the cheating and deflecting it onto you. I think you’ve had a lucky escape.

Run far away. Just delete and block. Awful man.

RUN while you can still do easily, this behaviour is only going to get worse, imagine if you were living with him?

Yes this completely.

You deserve better than an abusive man who plays games and tries to keep you on your toes and insecure.

Text him and say that you cannot and will not live like this for the rest of your life. Then block him!

Just tell him you don’t want to continue the relationship and block him. Don’t answer any calls etc. He will get the message

My ex was like
This.
It became very emotionally
And verbally abusive and then escalated into the occasional violence. Get rid. As quickly as you can. It's not worth it

I agree with everyone else. Lucky he's shown his true colours. Imagine what he'd be like to live with permanently. Your poor children if that were the case, as well as you.

He hasn't waved a red flag, he's put up bunting.

Any chaos of a break up is better now than in 2, 5, 10, years when he wrought havoc emotionally and possibly physically and has totally ground you down. Notwithstanding the effect it would have on your children.

Wow, get out while you can. What a nightmare. Dodge that bullet, and fast!

He’s got some dark issues & is very abusive. 8 weeks in and his mask has slipped. A blessing it’s so early on and not when you’ve fallen for him or married him. As someone else said grey rock all the way- calm
Grey rock his drama, dont react just tell him you don’t want to be in this relationship it’s over and if he keeps harassing you you will call police. More fool him for thinking he’d trapped you emotionally this soon X

Dump asap. How dare someone behave like this towards you?! What an idiot!

I would tell him you need time to think and to give you space. Ask him not to message you for a while. He won’t be able to tolerate you being in the position of power and will show his true colours.

Block him on everything and run a mile.

Do NOT get talked back into giving him another chance no matter what tactics he uses. You deserve more and your kids most certainly do not need this abusive arsehole anywhere near them or their mum

Text book abuser. Text him and let him know his behaviour is not acceptable and you’re ending it then block him.

He has said that you don't see him enough, so end it by telling him that you can't commit to more often and that you were actually thinking that you need to spend more weekend time with your kids. And then say sorry, but you think he needs to find someone who doesn't have kids. And then don't get sucked into any further discussions.