Judging new neighbours already

[TigerLily40]

So I'm moving away from two neighbours from hell. Went in by the flat we are moving into today and saw a guy who let's say looks dodgy outside the next building smoking a cigarette. He reminded slightly of the NFH.

Am I the asshole for being judgemental like this or is this just moving nerves. I have had neighbours before who some may say look like 'undesirables' but got along with them the most.

I'm just scared that we will go through the same again. I know living in a city you can't escape drug users, drug dealing, noise etc but just can't go through this all again. Maybe I just need to be more positive. It is a nice area and the housing association (other flats are mainly private) said it is generally quiet with no known issues.

I feel a judgemental a**hole tbh but as mentioned maybe just nervous.

The 'dodgy' smoker who leans up against the wall in my street is a heart surgeon. I would reserve judgment until you are given a reason to.

Thank you..

At least he's not smoking inside so that's a positive

Just start a conversation with him next time so you can figure him out

Hang fire.

Bad neighbours can fry your nerves...

They certainly can fry your nerves.

Maybe just being hyper vigilant right now

I would do as others have suggested and reserve judgement.
When my awful next door neighbours moved out as glad as I was to see them go I wasn't expecting any better from the new set who arrived the same day. In my head I was preparing for worse as I kept telling myself better the devil you know but I was so wrong. Its been absolute bliss, same age range &size family as the others but just the complete opposite to the old neighbours. Hopefully yours are decent too. Good luck in your new home.

Your only interaction - in fact, not even an interaction - is you seeing him smoking. If you’re going to panic over something as inconsequential as that, you’re setting yourself up for a hard time.

My nerves are shot! He just looked like the NFH and I'm instantly judging.

guy is just having a cigarette you don't know him even if he does look "undesirable " he might be fine keep himself to himself and not bother you.

also if your hypervigilant and nervous you will see trouble every where.

You are still reeling from your old nextdoor neighbours. It’s the old adage, once bitten, twice shy.
But brownie points for knowing that you are reacting to an old situation in a new space. Give yourself time to adjust. Congratulations on your new peaceful home.

He probably doesn't even look your old NFH, just passingly similar that your projecting on to him

If you continue to judge people on first sight you might have to consider that you are the problem and rather than them.

@Thehamsterthatcametotea try dealing with what I have had to and you might have the same fears.

Definitely have a chat with the person. It'll probably put you at ease.

It is a nice area and the housing association (other flats are mainly private) said it is generally quiet with no known issues.

Keep reminding yourself of this, and enjoy getting away from your arsehole neighbours.
We had a countdown calendar to the day of the move.

@Thelnebriati Will do a countdown - thanks!

I think it is so hard once you have had really bad neighbours- I do think it can really impact mh and can leave you feeling traumatised and anxious- so I think your response is understandable but you need to work through your anxiety - for your own good - but I appreciated the worry of going through it again -.however there is no reason that means it would do, what happened to you is extreme -.a Majority of neighbours just rub along with nothing major ever happening so go in to your new home with hope

It's so tricky. Neighbours are so important. I'm really lucky with mine but I know that could change in future.

OP, I totally get it. We moved, many years ago, to get away from terrible neighbours, they were never going to move (and are still there) so we had to move. Our neighbours now are wonderful but it took me months to let go of the anxiety. I now like spring and summer whereas I used to hate them as the neighbours would live outside for six months, playing very loud music all day and night and barbecuing ALL DAY long. My neighbours now are so kind and considerate. Unless you have had bad neighbours it is impossible to fully understand how intrusive they are - you have no control over how they behave and are constantly on edge waiting for the next kick off. I send you best wishes for your new home.

You poor thing. It is traumatising to have horrible neighbours

Did he throw his fag end on the floor or put it in a bin?

You don't even know this man lives there yet, or that he is a problem. Give it a chance. Hopefully all will be well!