Judging new neighbours already

[TigerLily40]

So I'm moving away from two neighbours from hell. Went in by the flat we are moving into today and saw a guy who let's say looks dodgy outside the next building smoking a cigarette. He reminded slightly of the NFH.

Am I the asshole for being judgemental like this or is this just moving nerves. I have had neighbours before who some may say look like 'undesirables' but got along with them the most.

I'm just scared that we will go through the same again. I know living in a city you can't escape drug users, drug dealing, noise etc but just can't go through this all again. Maybe I just need to be more positive. It is a nice area and the housing association (other flats are mainly private) said it is generally quiet with no known issues.

I feel a judgemental a**hole tbh but as mentioned maybe just nervous.

What is NFH?

Neighbour From Hell?

yes I think it is that.

Move to a detached house with no neighbours . Problem solved !

@Tryingmybestadhd if I could I would but can't on my income

For those amongst us who have neighbours from hell or have had them in the past, I can say, in my experience, it takes some getting over. I feel for you OP.

I can quite understand why you are nervous so I hope that when you get an opportunity you can introduce yourself and suss folks out. Until then try to keep positive. He that looks possibly like being a NFL might turn out to be a very quiet considerate chap who just happens to smoke.

@Getupat8amnow Yes I used to dread Summer because of the same thing but hope that it will change now. I do feel this has left me with trauma.

They could be visiting.

Congratulations, you've managed to solve all neighbour problems. Why didn't everyone think of doing that?

@MinervatheGreat yes it takes a long time but hopefully something I can work through

I expect if you saw my dad outside a building smoking you'd think WTF. But, now he's retired and doesn't have to wear a suit all day, he spends most of his time volunteering for the local community council doing manual labour like clearing walking paths and building fences, he looks a bit grubby most days. Is the first to use his considerable height to intervene if someone is being abused though (seen that a few times). And scrubs up well on the rare occasion he now needs to wear a suit.

Just can't kick the smoking habit. 🤣

TigerLily40, when we moved I refused to look at any terrace houses. We couldn’t get a detached house so have end of terrace so we only have one attached neighbour. The bliss of having only one house attached to ours and only one garden attached to our garden is something that will always be a joy to me. In our old house our bathroom was attached to their bathroom and the noise they used to make banging, shouting and playing music in there defied belief- it was a bathroom for goodness sake! Our bathroom now has fresh air attached to it as it is on the side of our house on the external end of terrace wall. We never hear our neighbours now, they actually go out like normal people - work, outings, shopping - not home 24/7 causing mayhem like the old neighbours did.They live their lives doing normal things but considerately like we do. It is bliss. I wish you the same with your new neighbours.

The last heart surgeon I met was when I was a detective. I arrested him for horrendous domestic violence and child abuse. Having a good job is no guarantee of being a decent person.

My heart sank when I first saw our new next door neighbour. He's actually turned out to be really nice and unbelievably laid back (which is good when you have too small noisy children) don't panic op

A smoking heart surgeon. They must be mad after everything they’ve seen.

Yes, you are projecting because of your last home. They may be nice!

I don't think you ever get over the trauma of bad neighbours, 15 years down the line I still jump and my heart starts racing hearing a door bang or loud music etc.

Hopefully your new neighbours will be good ones but I totally understand your anxiety.

I’ve had 2 neighbours in different houses who some people thought were a bit strange. One was a collector and his garden was a bit of a dumping ground of his ‘antiques’. The other neighbour at my new house has never come out his house in 2 years. But even though people judge them, they’ve both been great neighbours and had no trouble. I’d reserve judgement

Some people would be fine with constant loud music and barbecues. Unfortunately they don’t all live far away from those of us who like a bit of peace and quiet in our homes.

He may be lovely, if it was my DH outside having a cig, he would no doubt put you on edge as he is huge with a shaved head, earrings and wears leathers but he really is a lovely man and has a heart of gold. Don't judge a book by its cover.

And my actual nightmare neighbours are a pair of surgeons, and members of an extremely chichi yacht club. The inmates of the halfway house I once lived next door to in London were far more considerate.

I understand op. We moved to get away from dreadful neighbours. It sets your nerves on edge. When we moved into our current house and I saw the neighbours I panicked as they looked like my old ones. But they are fine, we aren’t friends but they are no trouble.

It's a bad habit (addiction) but that does equal evil bad person.

I have to say the only experience I have had of ‘bad neighbours’ was when I rented a room in a bungalow in a rich area. The neighbours would literally take photos of cars on (my) drive and send them to the landlord saying I had visitors. Amongst so many other petty fucking things. They must of been bored. I couldn’t breathe there through fear of doing something wrong!

I live in a council house now, with council neighbours both sides & they’re the most kind, respectful and helpful people. I know my experience might not be everyone’s, or maybe I’m just more comfortable with my own class of people! But I much prefer the relaxed live and let live attitude. Bbqs, parties (occasionally) smoking in their garden don’t bother me. Better that than being spoken down to by your neighbour for not maintaining the roses to their standards 😂

My next door neighbour: looks scruffy, doesn't work, sometimes smokes weed in his garden next to mine (rarely, and it doesn't bother me), sometimes SINGS in this garden (I know), clearly drinks quite a bit and sometimes comes home drunk and singing, is slightly odd to talk to (not in a nasty way). Sounds horrible, I'm sure. But I lived here for the past 7 years and never had any trouble with him. No loud music - not even once, no fighting/screaming, no 'dodgy friends' coming in all hours, no disputes or other crap. I'm perfectly happy to have him as a neighbour, his lifestyle choices are not my business.

Sometimes all is not as it seems.