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AIBU?

To change the locks whilst soon to be ex DP is at work?

60 replies

Mariannas · 27/01/2024 19:01

DP and I are in the process of separating.

However, he refuses to move out. It’s been 6 months since we decided to separate, he is emotionally and verbally abusive. I can’t cope with him here much longer. It is traumatic for both me and DC.

His reasoning is that he can’t afford to rent or buy a property on his own. This is probably true as I earn more than him and pay the mortgage here.

He is away for work next week, back on Friday. I am thinking of packing his stuff up whilst he is away, put it into the garage and then change the locks to the house. He will be able to remove his things from the garage as it is not accessed through the house and I can unlock it before he arrives.

He currently mostly WFH this is probably the only chance I am going to get for a long time.

Would I be wrong to do this?

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

228 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
33%
You are NOT being unreasonable
67%
HippeePrincess · 27/01/2024 19:02

If it’s a joint house (no matter who actually pays the mortgage) then no you can’t do that. If he doesn’t own the house then yes fine.

BoohooWoohoo · 27/01/2024 19:03

Is he on the mortgage /deeds?

Y0URSELF · 27/01/2024 19:04

Who owns the house? ( not who pays the mortgage )

Are you legally married ?

CoffeeCup14 · 27/01/2024 19:05

You should probably get advice from women's aid etc. if he also owns the house he could just change the locks and you'd be no better off. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, but you should probablyget advice and support.

Thehop · 27/01/2024 19:06

Who's house is it?

Easipeelerie · 27/01/2024 19:06

Because he is abusive, you have good reason to have him removed. I would get advice from police and or/Women’s Aid about your rights in the situation. It might be that police could be on standby for any ensuing altercation.

Octavia64 · 27/01/2024 19:07

If you are married and/or he owns the house (part or all jointly within the you) then no you can't do this.

Or rather, you can do it but he is legally entitled to access property he owns and it'll cause you a whole shedload of legal grief.

MinnieMotor · 27/01/2024 19:08

Pretty sure as said he has as much right to the house as you so you're not allowed to do that. Only if you get a restraining order due to abuse do I think you'd be legally able to do this.

Funderthighs · 27/01/2024 19:08

Many moons ago, I was advised by a solicitor, to do this. He said that although it wasn’t allowed, I should do it and we’d argue about it later. It worked well for me.

Bubbleohseven · 27/01/2024 19:08

Who owns the house

Iam4eels · 27/01/2024 19:14

While he's away you should speak to Women's Aid and get advice on legal routes you can take to remove him at the same time as keeping you and your DC safe.

You can apply for an Occupation Order or a Non-molestation Order (Womens Aid will be able to advise on which is best for your needs) which will serve to remove him from the family home and bar him from accessing it. It's free to apply, you can start the process online and you don't need legal representation. He will have a right to reply to the order but an interim order is usually granted in the meantime so you could well have it in place before he returns on Friday - if you have the address of where he is staying while away then a bailiff will serve him with the order there so he will know before he comes home that he is not to come to the house under penalty of arrest.

https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence

Get an injunction if you've been the victim of domestic abuse

Apply for an injunction if you've been a victim of domestic abuse - non-molestation or occupation orders - who can apply, serving documents and attending a hearing.

https://www.gov.uk/injunction-domestic-violence

Blobblobblob · 27/01/2024 19:17

If he's not on the deeds, he has the same standing as a lodger.

So basically zero rights.

If he is on the deeds, get proper advice.

maddening · 27/01/2024 19:19

As per pp - who owns the house? If joint ownership get legal advice

Sunshine322 · 27/01/2024 19:23

Yes it would be wrong if he jointly owns the property- you should seek legal advice if that is the case. What is the longer term plan , are you buying him out ?

Neriah · 27/01/2024 19:24

Would you be wrong? Almost certainly yes. Do not just take things into your own hands. Get proper legal advice.

Bubbleohseven · 27/01/2024 19:50

Who owns the house? Is it a secret?

Mariannas · 27/01/2024 19:56

Sorry I meant to include that I own the house

OP posts:
Fooshufflewickjbannanapants · 27/01/2024 19:57

It's your house, it's fine but talk to women's aid and police if you think he will kick off

AllBlackEverything · 27/01/2024 19:58

Mariannas · 27/01/2024 19:56

Sorry I meant to include that I own the house

You own the house, you decide who lives in it. Go ahead and pack up his things!

Surprisenewtcatcher · 27/01/2024 19:59

If it's your house, do it. Let the police know ahead of time if you think he will be difficult.

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2024 19:59

Assuming he isn't on the mortgage or deeds then he doesn't have any rights to the house

wutheringkites · 27/01/2024 19:59

If it's your house then you get to decide who lives in it, not him. Definitely just pack his bags and change the locks.

Hankunamatata · 27/01/2024 19:59

And assuming not married

bombastix · 27/01/2024 20:02

You crack on, change the locks, and if he kicks off you can arrange for him to be supervised by the police to collect his belongings. You own the house, not married, no other agreement to share, then fine.

gamerchick · 27/01/2024 20:03

Mariannas · 27/01/2024 19:56

Sorry I meant to include that I own the house

Then absolutely do it.

When he's due home, have the kids elsewhere if you can and if he makes a nuisance of himself, get him lifted.

You may not get another chance for a while and if you cave, he'll be on his guard.

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