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AIBU?

To change the locks whilst soon to be ex DP is at work?

60 replies

Mariannas · 27/01/2024 19:01

DP and I are in the process of separating.

However, he refuses to move out. It’s been 6 months since we decided to separate, he is emotionally and verbally abusive. I can’t cope with him here much longer. It is traumatic for both me and DC.

His reasoning is that he can’t afford to rent or buy a property on his own. This is probably true as I earn more than him and pay the mortgage here.

He is away for work next week, back on Friday. I am thinking of packing his stuff up whilst he is away, put it into the garage and then change the locks to the house. He will be able to remove his things from the garage as it is not accessed through the house and I can unlock it before he arrives.

He currently mostly WFH this is probably the only chance I am going to get for a long time.

Would I be wrong to do this?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

228 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
33%
You are NOT being unreasonable
67%
AcrossthePond55 · 27/01/2024 21:12

@Mariannas

@SquirrelHash suggestion of a camera is good. I'd invest in a Ring doorbell and try to get it installed before his return.

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zeibesaffron · 27/01/2024 21:15

Change the locks - but please have someone with you when he comes back to collect his stuff and overnight. Also think about increasing your security next week - ring doorbell, PIR lights, alarms etc

Take care xx

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Londonrach1 · 27/01/2024 21:15

Are you married and are you both on the deeds...go careful re this and get proper legal advice

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Lovemusic82 · 27/01/2024 21:18

I would and have done this with an ex, my house was rented but only I was named on the lease. I waited until he was out, bagged up all his things and got the locks changed, I also informed the police as I was scared how he would react when he collected his things from outside, in the end the police spoke to him first and collected his things for him, there is more to the story but despite his behaviour afterward it was totally the right thing to do.

I would bag his things up and change the locals as soon as he leaves the house, once the house is secure I would message him and tell him his things are in the garage and he no longer lives with you. This will give him a little bit of time to find a sofa to sleep on until he can find somewhere to live.if you are worried about him getting violent do alert the police, there’s things they can put in place so they can get there quickly if needed.

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Lachimolala · 27/01/2024 21:24

I would be wary he could return early or be lying about dates. So for that reason I would get the locks changed as soon as he leaves, I would also order (if funds allow) a blink doorbell for the front and some window alarms from Amazon. You can also get the no drill mount for the doorbell from Amazon. I find blink better than ring in terms of software and wifi reach.

Make sure the police know what your plan is and when he might turn up. Call 101.

Then I would black sack everything he owns and drop it off with his family or friends, I wouldn’t ask them either. I’d just show up with it.

Then tell him you’ve removed him from the property and what location his things are at. Then block on everything.

Make sure the kids aren’t in the home when he’s due to return. Maybe have a friend over for moral support and in case he turns up and kicks off. Keep the lights off or low.

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Hont1986 · 27/01/2024 21:28

A lot of poor advice on this thread, that if followed could end up with OP being the one in trouble for an illegal eviction and him back in the house anyway. Even with no ownership or rent paid, as an excluded occupier he would still be entitled to 'reasonable notice' of probably a few days at least. And if he's paying some sort of contribution to you to resembles rent, then longer notice than that. Get some legal advice and do it properly.

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barkymcbark · 27/01/2024 21:30

Unless there is any dv or abusive behaviour, I'd email and give him a date to leave the house, if you're feeling generous then 4 weeks, if not then 2 weeks. If he refuses to leave then I'd inform the police and ask them to help you remove him.

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uncomfortablydumb53 · 27/01/2024 21:33

If he's not on the deeds of the house then absolutely change the locks
Have a friend/ family member there when he's due back and don't hesitate to call police if he kicks off
He's had more than enough time to find somewhere else to live

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stonedaisy · 27/01/2024 21:33

Do everything being suggested and this situation will hopefully end for you. Pack the stuff, change the locks. But also maybe instruct a solicitor? Do you feel you would need to let the police know?
What about booking a hotel for him so he had somewhere to go in the first instance.

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ArnieLinson · 27/01/2024 21:36

Mariannas · 27/01/2024 19:56

Sorry I meant to include that I own the house

if you own the house he should be out now. Cheeky fucker.

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