To think it’s rude not to respond?

[billiesunset]

Organising a meet up with the four women I went to uni with (not seen each other as a group since covid). It’s taken ages to find a date that works - but one didn’t bother to even acknowledge the suggestion of a meet up and never read the texts.

She did respond before the suggestion of the meet up to give us a life update etc

And just to say she of course doesn’t have to come (evidence suggests she doesn’t want to) but to blatantly ignore the messages I think is a pretty shitty thing to do. Aibu?

It did confuse me, to me that are totally different things, if I send a text I have no idea if it's been received never mind read

But either way your friends just not into the meet up

We went to a wedding 9 months ago. On the wedding invitations, there was a bit at the bottom about how they'd appreciate money towards their honeymoon instead of a gift. The couple ended up choosing not to go on a honeymoon and no thank you notes were ever sent to any of the guests. I'm not bothered if they went on honeymoon or not, but AIBU to think that a note of thanks would have been polite or is that not the done thing anymore?

She's obviously muted / archived the group chat, not uncommon.

Just send her a text saying "hey, we're chatting about a meet date up on the WhatsApp group if you fancy it".

Oh yeah of course, I’ve had friends come and go and it is part of life.

It’s just a shame that even a lunch for old time sake is something she won’t do. As opposed to seeing each other on a regular basis etc

I don’t think she has. She responded to it at Christmas and she read the message about meeting up - just no messages after that.

But that doesn't mean she hasn't muted it since the last time she responded.

I often mute group chats otherwise the notifications never bloody stop.

Which again is obviously fine, I wouldn’t want to force someone. My aibu is more around that she can’t even acknowledge it.

Did you mean to start your own thread?

Thank You notes are personal preference. I didn’t get one for the last wedding, but the one before I did with a photo.

Why not send her a private text message and ask if everything ok? Tell her its fine if she isnt into or cant meet up right now, but you are just checking in on her as concerned.

If she ignores that, leave her be. Don't assume she is rude, perhaps she just has other things going on right now.

She probably doesn’t fancy it and is thinking on how to say that without you wondering if she is rude!

@billiesunset

Your OP said but one didn’t bother to even acknowledge the suggestion of a meet up and never read the texts.

Now you're saying she did read them.

Confusing...

I would message her directly. She may have archived the group chat. If you archive chats you need to change the settings so that if you get a message it moves it to your inbox. I discovered the hard way. She's probably totally oblivious to the message being there

I'd message her and if you get no response then you've tried but I'd put money on her just never having been notified she has a message

It’s not confusing.

Suggestion of a meet up was made and she read that. All subsequent messages afterwards, dates, location, places etc she’s just left on delivered.

oh it will give you something to talk about when you get together with the three 🤷‍♀️

so for the past 4 years you have exchanged one message… her life update?

Thanks for clarifying OP.

My opinion now that I realise it's a group WhatsApp is that it's not that rude to not reply. I see group chat messages as just that - a group chat, so if the group are chatting about something that doesn't interest me, I don't join in.

Also, she may be thinking about her reply still. Maybe she wants to come, but can't afford it? Maybe she wants to come but was planning to do something else that weekend and now she needs to see if she can rearrange that first? There are so many reasons why she may be taking her time to reply. Try not to jump straight for the most negative reason (ie she's just rude).

Maybe, I guess I’ll just leave it for now until the restaurant booking needs to be made.

Why not send her one personal message, outwith the group chat? Just check she's OK and ask if the proposed date is convenient.

She's definitely muted or archived the chat.

This!

Sounds tp e like she's got the group chat muted or archived so she doesn't see it's been updated.

She doesn't want to meet but equally doesn't want to actively 'fall out'. Maybe this is a dynamic within the group she's experienced before.

Starting two threads almost simultaneously about someone not reading coffee meet up messages seems a bit OTT. I wonder if that's a pattern.

how far in the future is this meet up?

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She doesn't want to meet. For whatever reason she just isn't interested.

Is she at a different life stage to you all? With a young family, or perhaps moved away? I used to meet up often with my uni girls but it's been a few years now (last time for me was a wedding actually) and although it's talked about sometimes it never seems to happen. A few of them still live in the same area and have older primary children whereas I moved a couple of hours away and have a four year old, so they have much more regular contact with eachother without me.

It's just never at the forefront of my mind, there was talk of a meet up this spring last October but the messages petered out and I'd quite honestly forgotten about it. Life has moved on and although I'm interested in their lives (via facebook) I'm not really overly bothered about meeting up anymore as my life is here now. Sounds horrible but that's just the way I feel. Maybe she feels similar?

Yeah which again is not the issue. Who wants to force someone to have lunch with them? Not enjoyable for either person.

My issue is and as the title says I think it’s rude to just ignore.