DH gravely ill - I have no sympathy

[DeBuugs]

This is half light hearted and half a vent.

We have two young children who still wake up a lot at night. DH never does any of the nights - he got himself into a nice little position where the kids only want me. I really feel the lack of sleep creeping on me and has been for a while.

DH has been sick with cold for quite a while now. He walks around all huffing, looking like he is about to faint and when he talks to me talks supper quiet and his speech breaks up - you know where I’m going with this. Like someone acting for their boss when calling in sick 🤣.

I gave him no sympathy since he announced he had a cold (I was sick then myself) and I think we have a stand off here and he will be sulking acting like he is about to die until I acknowledge his extremely bad cold. I have no intention to do so.

If any men comment on here please say that you are a man if you don’t mind. Interested to hear male comments 😊

You are both rediculous sorry.

He shouldn't be unsupportive about your lack of sleep and should be supporting you to get more sleep, and you shouldn't be eye rolling if he is saying he feels ill now. I know this is the dynamic in most long term relationships tbh but it's not healthy on either side.

Their Sniff and Cough count per minute goes up as soon as you enter the room.

If he has daily headaches and a temperature then there's always pneumonia to be suspected. Just saying!

Mine refuses to say what's up there.....so he'll be there shuffling and wincing in his oodie shroud but insiting he's fine......

He'll be permanently ill one of these days when I end up murdering the dramatic, attention seeking fuckwimp 😬

No jury would convict swear to God.

Mine blows his cheeks out as he coughs then says "oh dear!" I can't bear it. I fake sympathy though, because if I do have a cough etc he does rally round, though that irritates me too, as I don't want to "get to bed" and have snacks brought to me 🤣 He doesn't have to very often though - I put up with a lot quietly, so he wouldn't know most times, if I'm poorly.

DH has caught a lingering bad cold and cough from me. The advantage is that every time he moans I can say "Been there, done that".

Mind you, he's developed this incredibly annoying habit of ending every coughing or sneezing fit with "Oh dear". Also his coughs are extra fruity and revolting, and every so often he snort-sniffs, which is VERY hard to put up with when I'm still feeling delicate myself. If it continues I may have to break out the spade and get to work on the patio.

But this is MANFLU!! The single most serious condition known to men!

My DH used to do this, but has generally learned over our 30 year marriage how ridiculous it is.
I do remember him once with a particularly heavy cold (to be fair). He sat on the sofa and dozed off. Fair enough, he was certainly feeling very rough. He woke up about an hour later and informed me that it was just as well he had phoned in sick to work that morning because clearly he was so ill he was passing in and out of consciousness! As if he thought he needed to be in intensive care.

At that point I just couldn't resist telling him that no, he had just fallen asleep, napped for an hour and then woken up. Nothing more than that. I'm not sure he liked me much for that, but the ridiculousness did stop.

Good god! You are all so lucky that the arrival of flu is announced!
Mine just looks at me with distinctive puppy eyes and goes to bed. Obviously can't be disturbed until he emerges a few days later.

And if you try and get his attention he just pretends to be asleep.

Snap with the "Oh dear!", @Fitandfree. I think it's definitely a "Pay attention to how much I'm suffering" tactic.

Gawd, I WISH mine would go to bed and stay there, at least I could do my own thing without this constant cacophony of revolting noises in my vicinity.

Oh my god, I'd never come across he phenomenon of speaking in a whisper when the throat is fine, not sore, not coughing, and not hoarse, but my DH has started doing this with his the last two colds. It's so affected that I cringe inwardly for him. I still offer up the sympathy verbally, but it's not heart felt. I figure that since he's normally a really straight forward guy, then if he's feeling bad enough to play up like that he does feel bad. He's been unlucky and has had two colds in the last three months. With the previous one he really wanted me to go to the chemist to ask what he should be doing... for a cold. I was in town anyway, and I do love him, so I went in with a straight face and asked the questions he wanted me to ask. The chemist responded in kind and as I was leaving quietly asked "man flu?" and I nodded. I haven't played up any syptoms of anything since childhood.

My mum, a retired nurse, has always said ‘if a man moans they’re ill, then it’s not too bad. If he goes quiet, then he’s ill’

dh used to groan and drag his leg walking when ill. I told him the above quote, and now he goes quiet!! Result!! Try it!! 🙌

(I even get the ‘I can’t speak, I’m proper poorly!’) 😂

And every cough leads to chest clutching and clinging on to whatever is to hand, door frame, back of the sofa, kitchen worktop. Everything is a massive effort, even just surviving to be fair! And then in any conversation, "this cold" has to be inserted.
Me - What would you like for tea?
DH - I could actually eat beans on toast with poached eggs. You know, with "this cold" I'm surprised I can eat...
Me - Oh ffs 🙄🙄🙄🤣🤣🤣

Oh and throw in that he snores all night long, but didn't get any sleep at all, you know, because of "this cold"!!! 🙄🤣

I had exactly the same cold and I blamed it on him passing it on. He immediately brought me the cough medicine down and plonked it in front of me and said I needed to be taking that, as it would help! But yet he won't even take it when he's hacking the house down! Grrrrr! 🤣

although I can see where the people calling for kindness are coming from I do think that it’s probably prudent to keep in mind that ‘treat others as you wish to be treated’. I’m pretty sure a lot of the harder responses are only reflecting the level of care they’ve received.

Not DH, but my dad is like this, and an extreme version at that. He has a high pain tolerance for everything but a common cold. My mum somehow indulges it and says that his chest is ‘his weakness’ (I have no idea where that language comes from, is it regional? Or just my mum?!) but it drove me utterly insane even as a child.

Haha good satire post.

DP likes to lie on the floor when he's 'ill',it's fucking annoying having to step over him to get to the cocktail cabinet.

DH is a great one for saying hopefully "I'm terribly cold/hot, is it just me?" - clearly hoping that I will respond "Goodness me, no, it's really hot/cold in here, you must be seriously ill". Sadly for him, the most frequent response is along the lines of "That's because it's 12/30 degrees in here, you would be really weird if you didn't feel cold/hot," much to his disappointment.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/_chat/3733993-Anyone-else-facing-the-dressing-gown-of-doom-today

Is there an earlier thread than 2019?

He's not gravely ill until he dons the dressing gown of doom. If he's done that you're in it for the long haul, it'll be months before he's able to feel well again and months after that to regain his strength. My sympathies op.

Does your DH own a "dressing gown of doom??" 🤣 🤣

Sweetie, you’ve just literally said that your partner looks after you and these women are saying theirs’ don’t.

You seem triggered by the idea that whining while ill is a lazy thing to do 🤔

That's reasonable but if DP hadn't been sympathetic and caring when I was ill, I wouldn't still be in a relationship with him. Feels like a pretty basic element of a good relationship, to have someone there for you when you're laid low. A lot of posters seem to have very adversarial and hostile relationships.

Jesus this is giving me flashbacks. ExH (note ex) used to shuffle about speaking in that voice. Every time .... he's never felt so ill, feels like he's been hit by a bus and me thinking .... it could always be arranged ! No such drama from DH thankfully.

Jinx!! 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣