Split between siblings and grandchildren

[Wouldliketobeanon]

I would like to be anonymous for this so have changed my name.

I am single and live in a privately rented home. I have no dependents and fully support all of my costs with a single income. I'm not skint but not wealthy. If I need more money I work more (cleaning or freelance). I work full time.

My mum (dad died 3 years ago) has a healthy sum in the bank and lots of bits of expensive jewellery plus dad's bits and pieces, it's all worth quite a bit. She's not been in the best of health and is looking to pass on some of her jewellery and dad's to us while she's still with us for us to enjoy and share that enjoyment with her. I support this if its what she wants.

I have one sister who has three children. She has a husband and they both work but they are spenders, drive lovely cars on finance, lots of work to house (no judgement). They are always asking mum for money and she gives it to them (again no judgement, it's mum's money) I'm saying this for background.

My AIBU mum is talking about splitting her belongings five ways, me, sister, three nieces. I think it should be split 50/50 between me and sister and then sister can give to her daughters if she chooses.

What do you think? I would NEVER say this to any of them and will go with whatever mum decides but just wondered if I was being unreasonable?

This is a good compromise.

I'm in a similar situation in that I don't have children, so will be leaving everything to brother's children.

Ultimately, it has to be your mum's decision, but I think the fairest thing to do is split it all 50/50 between you and your sibling.

I wouldn't say that's fair.

I'd look at:

50/50 you/your sister
split between you and your nephews/nieces (so 25% each)
1/3 to you, 1/3 to your sister, 1/3 between the grandchildren.

Any of those can be argued as fair.

If your Mum decides to split 5 ways, then surely that's fair? You get the same as your sibling, and the grandchildren get the same as each other. It's somewhat unusual to give grandchildren as big a slice as children, but it's not unfair as such. Your sister is getting no more than you, money for the grandchildren is theirs, not hers.

It would also be fair to leave it 50:50 to her children and for your mum to choose to leave nothing to her grandchildren.

What would not be fair in any way would be to leave your sister less than you on the basis of her children also being left money. So say, 50% to you, 20% to your sibling and 10% each to the grandchildren is very, very clearly unfair!

You and your sibling should get the same amount. It's up to your mum whether she would prefer that the total estate gets split just between the 2 of you, or whether she would prefer to split only a portion of the estate between you and your sibling and gift the rest of the estate to others. But as long as you and your sibling get the same amount, then it's fair.

Maybe she suspects that if she gives 50% to your sister, it'll get frittered away, rather than saved towards eg your nieces' future education and/or housing?
In which case maybe it'd be better for her to set up some kind of savings fund in each GC's name and deposit a certain amount for them to access when they're older, with everything else being split equally between you and your sister?

My Grandparents did a 50/50 split to their children ignoring the existence of their 5 grandchildren. I thought that was normal.

@Applesandpears23 to be honest I was expecting it to be 50/50 based on conversations over time. Not something we've dwelled on too much. At Christmas mum said she'd like to start splitting out her jewellery and dad's possessions.

My nieces have wanted for nothing from my mum and she is extremely generous with them. I think this is lovely and entirely expected as a loving grandparent. But even having said that, I thought 50/50 with sister and I would be how she'd choose to split her 'estate'.

It's your Mum's decision but it would still hurt. It's like you're worth less because you didn't have children.

Your mother's plan makes sense.
She wants her jewellery to be passed on and worn.
It's lovely that the GD will have some.

But she's being given exactly the same as her sibling!

Her sibling is not being given more.

Her mum just may also choose to leave a portion of her estate to other people she also loves, be that grandchildren, other family members, whoever she chooses.

Money left to grandchildren is no more left to OP's sibling than it is to OP.

All my friends who come from the kind of families who have something to leave, inherited a decent chunk from their grandparents . That’s how they all got on to the property ladder in their early twenties, whereas the rest of us had to save for another ten years! My parents and parents in law will have something to
leave and I would be very surprised if they didn’t leave anything to their adored grandchildren.

If I'm being entirely honest it does feel like I'm worth less because I don't have children. My three lovely nieces are individuals in their own right, absolutely, but if I had three children the split would be between 8 not 5. Where would it stop if my sister had had 10 children?

Tell your dm your going to leave your own estate divided 60 20 20 with the bulk going to the oldest niece.
When she says that’s unfair then point out that you feel the same about her will.
Then let the penny drop.

I wonder if your mum would consider what will happen when your sister's inheritance has been spent, and whether you'd like to have some to help them out just as she's helped out that side of the family over the years?

Yeah does seem unfair but nothing you can do really.

I don’t think we’re owed anything by our parents, I mean it was hers and husband’s money and they could give the lot to charity if they chose.

I totally understand you feeling upset but don’t let money or inheritance cause a rift or resentment when (unless you say otherwise) I’m assuming she’s done everything she needed to do as a mum and raised you lovingly. ❤️

I actually don't think it's unfair. I think it's fair.

Under this system, you and your sister end up with the same amount - which is fair.

If your sister was given half but the expectation is she would then split it with her daughters (because your mum would like them to have some of her money) , she would end up with significantly less than you - unfair.

If your mum wants her granddaughters to inherit some money, then this is the only fair way to do it - otherwise she is giving you significantly more than your sister

But your mum is splitting the money equally.

So you aren't worth less, you are worth EXACTLY the same as her other daughter and three granddaughters.

Honestly, I would want my child to tell me how they felt. So tell her how you feel, maybe 1/3rds as a compromise and that neices will pretty much get it all in end etc. it’s my money and I Will decide but sometimes opinions count

What's 'fair' means different things to different people. I would hazard a guess that your mum doesn't think she's being unfair.

@Wouldliketobeanon if she splits including all the grandchildren then that will be massively unfair to you! it really should be 50:50! has your sister perhaps said something to her????

I think you have to accept that grandparents have a direct relationship with their grandchildren and love them for themselves, not just an extension of their parents, so it is completely fair and normal for grandchildren to get something directly from grandparents, rather than waiting for it to come down through the parents.

That. I don't think it should be five ways, but I think that three ways, with the children's third split between them, is understandable (and fairly common).
I'm thinking of changing my will to reflect that. I have two grandchildren by one daughter, and the other has a partner but doesn't intend having children.

I'll talk to the child free daughter first, but I honestly think that she'll be fine with it. She adores her nieces, and recognises how each generation is having more problems financially. If I suggest that i put that third in trust for them, I think she'll approve.

If your mum wants her granddaughters to inherit some money, then this is the only fair way to do it

Well no, it isn't. As several posters have already suggested the mum could set aside a proportion of her estate - whether that's cash or specific items of jewellery - to be passed directly to each granddaughter. After she has done that, the bulk of the estate is then split 50-50. In that way the 2 daughters get exactly equal shares, but each granddaughter gets something personally as well.

Surely the granddaughters would benefit indirectly from their mother having more money? To me it seems bonkers to give the same amount of money to an 8-year-old girl (who presumably has no personal expenses) as to a 45-year-old woman who is working full time and living on her own in rented accommodation.

It's what your Mum wants to do. It's no one else's decision. Your sister is losing out in the same way as you!

Depends. My dad has just died and was far closer to 3 of his 5 grandkids than my brother. Depends on the family dynamics.

But that's not remotely similar. In fact it's more similar to what OP wants (in her favour).

OP's mum isn't splitting 60/20/20, she's splitting 20/20/20/20/20. Each one of the five especially loved individuals gets an equal share.

What OP wants is 50% to her alone and 50% to be shared between the other four loved family members, so 50/12.5/12.5/12.5/12.5 in OP's favour, which is clearly completely and ridiculously unfair.

Personally I'd probably go for something like 35 /35/10/10/10, but ultimately it's up to OP's mum to decide.