Woman passively outed for shoplifting and I did nothing?

[Juliesdagger]

Weird one that’s rolling in my mind as I’m wondering if I should have stepped in ☹️
busy well known coffee shop in a supermarket this morning. As I was queuing, a man in front of me said loudly to the lady paying at the till “don’t forget the crisps you’ve got” as he spoke so loudly it was hard not to then hear the rest - she looked confused and said what crisps? I’m just getting my coffee” and again in a loud voice the man said “the crisps you put in your shopping bag” again the woman looked bemused, looked down at her carrier bag and said oh gosh they must have fallen in when I got my phone” (or similar, I didn’t get the exact words) and took them out to be scanned. She looked a bit upset and I heard her apologising to the barista at the till saying they were for her kid’s snack and she couldn’t believe she’d nearly forgotten to pay for them. The man who had called her out then started scoffing loudly saying “oh yeah, that happens to me allllll the time, things just fall into my bag and I forget about them” and smirking and rolling his eyes, clearly insinuating she had stolen them or tried to. The woman just looked clearly flustered and by this time had paid and she left looking like she was going to cry.

I then to my surprise saw the man leave
the queue (despite him being next in line to order) and head for the staff only door so he must work there! And was only waiting in line to see if she paid at the till for the crisps.

it’s been playing on my mind all day. The woman was clearly upset but I would have been too if I’d Been passively accused like that 🤷‍♀️I know you can’t type cast but she was buying an overpriced coffee and pastry, the crisps couldn’t have cost more
than £0.60 extra 🤷‍♀️and she looked well dressed, a bit flustered but not wonder and really just like your
average mum rushing Round supermarket etc so I guess I’m doubting if she was stealing? And I feel bad I didn’t challenge that It felt unprofessional of this man who clearly worked there to passively accuse her?

or am I being naive and she likely was attention to shoplift for a reason I can’t fathom?

Look up kleptomania. People don’t always steal because they’re poor.

I work in an expensive shop in London. We get a lot of shoplifters and pick pockets who look just like our regular wealthy customers. We also get customers who try things out with returns. Buying something several months or years ago and then buying another to replace it and bringing back the old item with the new receipt. Of course I'm going to call them out on it - they only get embarrassed cos I've figured out what they're doing. Another customer last week brought back something in packet with receipt , looked immaculate. Except I could tell that the item in the packet wasn't the same as the packet or receipt description. I thought she was trying to trick me by putting a cheaper style product back in expensive packaging but when I took it out to look at the label it wasn't even from our store - it was from another department store! Obviously I pointed this out to her!

That is not surprising @FitAt50

I used to volunteer at a community fridge and the cheeky fuckers who emptied the full contents into the back of their cars were exactly that demographic!

I can see how it is theoretically possible for something to fall into a bag as things do sometimes fall off shelves (it's happened to me although they've never fallen into my bag!) However, it is virtually impossible for something you intended to buy to fall onto a bag accidentally and for you to then forget you wanted it or had ever thought of buying it.

Exactly! And that you don't notice the item falling off the shelf or being in your bag at any point.

Yes I was surprised by that comment, particularly as we are talking about a coffee shop area. So the time from it being picked up, falling into your bag and you completely forgetting would be literal minutes.

its feasible the poster is so impacted by her medication that she could pick up crisps, accidentally drop them in her open bag so they were hidden, then forget totally 4 mins later, and be very confused, but I’d say if that’s the case she should always have someone with her when out as it sounds unsafe.

She might have been known to him 🤷‍♀️ / the store.

& really OP you seem naive, what do you mean “I wonder how” people get a thrill from stealing… same as how people get a thrill from speeding or sky diving - the adrenaline

When people regularly steal from you, you get really fed up very quickly and don’t feel like having a quiet chat about it. And she sounds like she was blatantly trying to steal (for what reason? Who cares?) notice her story changed. First they “must have fallen into my bag” and then “oh dear I must have forgotten they were there”. Sure, Jan.

and i did nothing

what could you have done OP?

she might be habitually stealing little bits like this from the coffee shop. He might have seen her do it before.

lots of stuff goes on in supermarkets that people don’t realise. Even our convenience store has had to get a security guard now. When you think of how much a person is paid for a job, the fact that they are prepared to pay for a guard means quite a bit of shop lifting is going on.

And good for him!

I think two things can be true at the same time - she was stealing and the man enjoyed humiliating her in front of others

Well, that'll teach her.

Not just shoplifting. Assaults on staff in the convenience store I work in are increasing, although these are more often than not linked to theft. Even so, no one should be threatened with a dirty needle because they’ve confronted someone for stealing washing powder, as happened to my colleague yesterday.

You are feeling sorry for a thief? I’m only sad she wasn’t immediately banned from the coffee place and the store and her photo posted in the press and on a poster at the shop. “Shoplifters” steal from all of us via higher prices. She was very lucky indeed to be allowed to pay.

This thread is terrifying.

Any of these posters could be on a jury and look how quick they are to judgement. No concept of reasonable doubt. The number of people unequivocally stating she stole crisps is shocking. They have no idea what what happened.

She MUST have been stealing?? I guess they're the kind of posters who if they lived in the USA would shoot someone dead for turning around on their driveway because they MUST be doing something wrong.

Last year something fell into my shopping trolley. It fell in at the back and into a shopping bag.

I was all the way through the tills and on the other side packing when I picked up what I though was an empty shopping bag and found the item. I was mortified and immediately told the cashier. However I could so easily have not seen it. I'm a middle aged lady so I guess if I hadn't noticed and had been stood I simply must having been taking it for a thrill.

Maybe the crisps didn't fall in. Maybe she accidentally put them in there while she was distracted or stressed. After all, we are all just sooo perfect on Mumsnet that I bet none of us have found our car keys in the fridge or gone into a room and completely forgotten why we are there.

Even if she did steal them, the staff member should have taken her aside and dealt with it professionally. I'm sure the shop would be covered by CCTV and if they felt they could prove it, why didn't they get the police involved.

I don't know you mean that she was "passively outed". She was caught stealing by a shop employee.

rather keen on hyperbole aren’t you! 😂

Spot people who have never worked in retail with the view that well dressed people don't steal.

Our town's most prolific were two well dressed old ladies with a shopping cart.

I'd suspect she is known to them but that it is probably mostly small scale like this.

Why would a random employee queue up behind her for no reason otherwise? The only other explanation is that he's seen her deliberately put them in her bag while passing. If they had simply fallen in, how would he have known? It would have to be a remarkable set of coincidences for that to happen.

Why should everyone else pay more to cover losses like this, especially from someone who doesn't appear to be on the bones of their arse.

I have a friend who sells books on a market stall. People put their bags on the floor in front of the stall and 'browse'. Whilst browsing a book may 'accidentally ' fall from the stall into their shopping bag. The books are generally a pound. This is a very naice town with very naice tweed and Barbour wearing inhabitants. He know who the regular thieves are. All sorts of people steal for all sorts of reasons. I was in M and S recently. Two managers ran past me shouting 'Stop, you haven't paid for those' at a man who was going through the revolving doors. He stopped,smiled and gave the goods back. They said thank you and brought them back into the shop. He walked off up the street.They must do that many,many times a day.

She is probably a frequent flyer!

If she was a genuine shoplifter he should have just gone up to her as she joined the queue and said "don't forget to pay for the crisps in your bag" making clear he was staff and had seen her.

Somehow I don't think he would have behaved like he did with a bloke.

It sounds like an unprofessional way for a member of staff to go about things.

She MUST have been stealing?? I guess they're the kind of posters who if they lived in the USA would shoot someone dead for turning around on their driveway because they MUST be doing something wrong

😂😂🤣🤣🤣

Thanks, had a rubbish morning. I needed that laugh.

Many wealthy people regularly shoplift.

One of the most shoplifted items in Waitrose is Manuka Honey, apparently (read it on t'internet, so it must be true ) and I can promise you that no benefits scrounger is pocketing that.

Oh gosh, you're right

Everyone should start shoplifting; that will definitely reduce the prices in supermarkets.