Woman passively outed for shoplifting and I did nothing?

[Juliesdagger]

Weird one that’s rolling in my mind as I’m wondering if I should have stepped in ☹️
busy well known coffee shop in a supermarket this morning. As I was queuing, a man in front of me said loudly to the lady paying at the till “don’t forget the crisps you’ve got” as he spoke so loudly it was hard not to then hear the rest - she looked confused and said what crisps? I’m just getting my coffee” and again in a loud voice the man said “the crisps you put in your shopping bag” again the woman looked bemused, looked down at her carrier bag and said oh gosh they must have fallen in when I got my phone” (or similar, I didn’t get the exact words) and took them out to be scanned. She looked a bit upset and I heard her apologising to the barista at the till saying they were for her kid’s snack and she couldn’t believe she’d nearly forgotten to pay for them. The man who had called her out then started scoffing loudly saying “oh yeah, that happens to me allllll the time, things just fall into my bag and I forget about them” and smirking and rolling his eyes, clearly insinuating she had stolen them or tried to. The woman just looked clearly flustered and by this time had paid and she left looking like she was going to cry.

I then to my surprise saw the man leave
the queue (despite him being next in line to order) and head for the staff only door so he must work there! And was only waiting in line to see if she paid at the till for the crisps.

it’s been playing on my mind all day. The woman was clearly upset but I would have been too if I’d Been passively accused like that 🤷‍♀️I know you can’t type cast but she was buying an overpriced coffee and pastry, the crisps couldn’t have cost more
than £0.60 extra 🤷‍♀️and she looked well dressed, a bit flustered but not wonder and really just like your
average mum rushing Round supermarket etc so I guess I’m doubting if she was stealing? And I feel bad I didn’t challenge that It felt unprofessional of this man who clearly worked there to passively accuse her?

or am I being naive and she likely was attention to shoplift for a reason I can’t fathom?

She was stealing - she deserved to be embarrassed by it. I used to work in a coffee shop and we had a wall of known shoplifters in the area to look out for, lots of them were totally normal people you wouldn't think would ever steal.

As soon as one entered the store, we would inform our manager and they would watch them, if they attempted to steal (often just one item slipped into their bag), the manager would call them out. Once they'd been called out funnily enough they never seemed to come back.

You were right not to get involved. You have no idea whether she was or wasn't attempting to steal them. If you thought the staff member was out of order, you could complain to the store manager I suppose. Try not to dwell on it.

First they came for the passively outed shoplifters and I did nothing.

I don't know tbh. Sometimes people absentmindedly do things, so there may have been no intention to steal. Or equally it may be a regular thing she does and the shop are mad about it.

Even rich celebrities have been caught stealing, so being well dressed means nothing. But sometimes it really is an accident - I was pushing a buggy around new look once and the baby nicked a shoe from a low shelf. I didn't notice til I was halfway up the road and had to take it back. And I know that mum's sometimes store goods on the bottom of the pram in shops, then forget to pay, whereas other women use the pram deliberately to steal. It's hard to be sure what's going on with people.
The guy in the queue was a bit of a dick though, if this was a one off.

The police don't have to turn up. Stores can - and do - bring private prosecutions to deter shoplifters. Yes, the example below is for a considerably bigger haul, but if this woman is a regular "shopper" and they have been aware of her min-thefts for some time, they probably wanted to publicly embarrass her to ensure she didn't do it again - and nor did anyone who saw what happened to her.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-12642667/Britains-private-police-suspected-burglar-court-shoplifting-spree.html#:~:text=do%20these%20prosecutions.-,%27,to%20request%20a%20private%20prosecution.

She's a thief...the outing wasn't 'passive' & you're a little naive.

It annoys me that the assumption of her innocence comes from he fact that the lady was well dressed.
Would the op feel as horrified by the situation if the lady was less well dressed? If you look "not wealthy" you're more likely to be a shoplifter?
Prejudice is still running high in this world...

One of the most shoplifted items in Waitrose is Manuka Honey, apparently (read it on t'internet, so it must be true ) and I can promise you that no benefits scrounger is pocketing that

The assumptions about benefits scroungers and their lack of discernment on the merits of pish honey on here is appalling.
The prejudice on this thread...

I meant posh not "pish" but thinking about it, pish works just as well if not better in this case.

My mum once accidentally knocked some giant mens boxers into her shopping bags and didn't realise till she got home. It was 100% an accident and they were of no use to anyone she knew so things falling into bags does happen.

Yeah it's interesting. The area with the MOST shoplifting in London is City of London.

You might explain away "Central London" by saying that's where tourists and the public congregate. But this is the City where everyone is largely well-dressed and professional. Even when I went into work dressed down, I sometimes felt out of place. It's also a ghost town on weekends, with most cafes/shops closed (so no general public).

Poor people do shoplift lots. The most shoplifted items in Tower Hamlets are Calpol and baby formula. But rich people shoplift even more than poor people, and obviously just for fun/power/whilst coke-addled lol

I'm not sure what to make of this, OP. From the way you've described it, clearly this woman DID intentionally try and steal the crisps. If she hadn't, if it had genuinely been a mistake or accident that they fell into her bag, then why did she then go on to scan them and pay (she said 'she was just getting her coffee') and later on say they were a snack for her child that she'd forgotten to pay for?

I mean, I feel sorry for her - lots of people, mostly women, shoplift 'pointlessly' - in other words, it's not because they're starving, it's not because they're hooked on drugs and need to pay someone off, it's a pathological behaviour usually indicating mental health issues or sadness or even boredom. You do often see really small items like crisps being stolen in that way - I understand it's not so much the item, but the buzz you get doing it and getting away with it.

So yes, I feel sorry for her, a bit, because that was a humiliating take-down. Clearly the guy was an employee who had seen her acting suspiciously or maybe she does it there all the time? There were other ways to do it, but probably at the till, at the precise moment she was about to leave without paying, was the right time to do this.

What do you think you should have done? She was planning on shoplifting, plain and simple and she got caught out.
Shopping is expensive enough without the rest of us having to pay more to compensate for all the thieves out there.
For those that say she hadn’t left the building, she was at the till, she had no intention of putting the crisps through the till with the rest of her purchases so deserved to be called out on it. I have no sympathy for thieves.

She's a thief, of course she deserves to be embarrassed! You can't just go around stealing and being immune from consequences for virtue of being a woman and mum! Kids don't entitle her to just help herself to whatever she wants and not be called out for it. Crisps and coffee aren't exactly essential items are they? I'd have more sympathy if she was stealing baby milk and toilet paper but crisps? Behave!

I used to work in a petrol station and honestly, 9 times of out 10 the people that drove off without paying were well dressed, middle class women.

It is pish honey. People think it will cure all ills but that's just pish.

Sounds like shoplifting and staff member checking to see if she paid or 'forgot' the item. It costs businesses millions a year when people steal. Maybe next time she will be careful not to allow things to 'fall' into her bag. At least police weren't involved although they probably wouldn't bother and shoplifters know that.

Personally I would email or contact the store and explain the whole situation, adding that you are aware she may have been shoplifting but the way it was handed was aggressive and made other customers uncomfortable. The management may well not be aware of his own personal method of handling suspected shoplifting.

Sounds like she knew what she had done. But I walked into a small Tesco the last week, got everything I needed, scanned at the self serve, scanned a bag & Tesco card and just walked out. My mind just didn't know what it was doing. It wasn't until I got around the corner and thought shit did I just pay. Just my Apple Pay and I hadn't. I went back in and told the lad working there what happened and apologised. But he was fine about it and said thanks for going back! So she might of not realised what she was doing if she was putting her phone in her bag and just didn't think about the crisps.

https://www.standard.co.uk/lifestyle/middle-class-shoplifting-rise-epidemic-problem-london-b1131767.html

Essentially they know they'd get away with it even if caught

As an aside, brain fog is real in peri and menopause and I do sometimes worry I'm going to accidentally shoplift something!

I once accidentally walked out of a shop with toddler clothes hooked onto me by the hanger that I had forgotten to put on the conveyor belt. I got chased, it was embarrassing but a total accident. I did end up laughing but mishaps can easily happen

No, no, no! She was intending to shoplift and was caught out. Hopefully a little humiliation will stop her doing it again.

Yes a packet of crisps would have been a valuable use of time and money for the legal system