Woman passively outed for shoplifting and I did nothing?

[Juliesdagger]

Weird one that’s rolling in my mind as I’m wondering if I should have stepped in ☹️
busy well known coffee shop in a supermarket this morning. As I was queuing, a man in front of me said loudly to the lady paying at the till “don’t forget the crisps you’ve got” as he spoke so loudly it was hard not to then hear the rest - she looked confused and said what crisps? I’m just getting my coffee” and again in a loud voice the man said “the crisps you put in your shopping bag” again the woman looked bemused, looked down at her carrier bag and said oh gosh they must have fallen in when I got my phone” (or similar, I didn’t get the exact words) and took them out to be scanned. She looked a bit upset and I heard her apologising to the barista at the till saying they were for her kid’s snack and she couldn’t believe she’d nearly forgotten to pay for them. The man who had called her out then started scoffing loudly saying “oh yeah, that happens to me allllll the time, things just fall into my bag and I forget about them” and smirking and rolling his eyes, clearly insinuating she had stolen them or tried to. The woman just looked clearly flustered and by this time had paid and she left looking like she was going to cry.

I then to my surprise saw the man leave
the queue (despite him being next in line to order) and head for the staff only door so he must work there! And was only waiting in line to see if she paid at the till for the crisps.

it’s been playing on my mind all day. The woman was clearly upset but I would have been too if I’d Been passively accused like that 🤷‍♀️I know you can’t type cast but she was buying an overpriced coffee and pastry, the crisps couldn’t have cost more
than £0.60 extra 🤷‍♀️and she looked well dressed, a bit flustered but not wonder and really just like your
average mum rushing Round supermarket etc so I guess I’m doubting if she was stealing? And I feel bad I didn’t challenge that It felt unprofessional of this man who clearly worked there to passively accuse her?

or am I being naive and she likely was attention to shoplift for a reason I can’t fathom?

Sounds like a member of staff, or possibly the owner, deliberately humiliated a woman he saw shoplifting. I’d guess it might make her think twice next time and she probably won’t come back and steal from that cafe again.

I don’t think the sex of the member of staff is particularly relevant. Can’t get too worked up on her behalf. It’s not absolutely impossible it was an accident on her part. I’m extremely scatty and have done some really weird things absentmindedly during menopause, but on the balance of probabilities, I’d think stealing was more likely.

If it was a mistake, she’ll get over it. I once accidentally walked out of a cafe without paying as I was so used to eating in places where I paid upfront. It was a genuine error and I felt mortified at the time as they chased me down the street and I had to go back in and pay and I’m sure they thought it was deliberate, but the fault was mine and I don’t blame the staff at all.

I'm not sure I understand what's unreasonable about shops asking customers to pay for the goods that they're taking?

She was pretty obviously stealing, so I would say that she got off pretty lightly overall. She was given the opportunity to pay for the item she had taken and that was the end of it. Could have been much worse!

If people don't want to be publicly humiliated for stealing, then they should probably pay for stuff up front.

Maybe they're resorting to publicly humiliating shoplifters as the police aren't able to do much.

Just because she was well dressed doesn’t mean she is rich. It’s silly to think those in crap clothes are the only ones with financial problems,and well dressed is objective, was she head to toe in max mara or just in some standard markies type wear.

and yes, I’d say she was stealing, her excuses make no logic, she was obvs trying to deny then come up with excuses when caught.

I doubt they have security, more a member of staff saw her stealing, joined the queue to see if she’d pay and then acted.

could he have handled it better, sure, but if you’re stealing crisps, then either you’re struggling or doing it for a reason like liking the thrill or resenting the pricing. I assume she looked like she was going to cry as she was so embarrassed at being caught.

He was probably Security.

Totally agree with this! I don't see how crisps just fall in your bag. Very odd responses on this thread! I lobe in a naice area, and the very wealthy women stealing here is quite shocking

I don’t agree he deliberately humiliated her, he reacted to her bullshit excuses when caught stealing. If she was humiliated it was on her. If she’d not been stealing and then lied. She’d not have been in that situation.

If she’d simply said, oh sorry, not tried to deny she had them, repeatedly and played bemused, then when she admitted it, tried to lie the crisps fell into her bag and hid themselves, then bizzarely basically admitted she know she had them and said they were for her kid and she forgot, none of this would have happened.

i Really don’t feel she was due respect from the employee who caught her stealing and then had to deal with her denying it and lying.

Thieves should never be condoned. The only thing you should have said perhaps is to observe some places might have called the police.

About time we called it shop theft or shop stealing, it is not a victimless crime.

She was shoplifting. You're a bit naive, I think

Well.. he was right, wasnt he? She did have the crisps in her bag. So what if he was passive aggressive about it? He probably sees 20 shoplifters a day. She was flustered because a whole coffee shop full of people saw her fail to steal some crisps.

If you believe the story that they just happened to fall in her bag, yet she then said they were for her kids snack - you must have been born yesterday.

Something similar happened to me the other day. I was in the queue and I actually saw the pack of crisps fall into the lady’s bag. I panicked because I saw her not see it happening and knew if I said something it would look like I was accusing her. Eventually she paid for everything and glanced down, finally noticed the bag of crisps, after buying everything, and took them out and put them on a shelf. Phew!

So, by "Woman passively outed for shoplifting" you actually mean "thief caught trying to shoplift"

It was quite unnecessary how he acted whether she was stealing or not.

I've never been in this situation but I take a lot of strong medication and could quite easily pick up some crisps for my DC then if they fell in my bag I could forget all about them so I have some sympathy with the lady.

I used to work in a boutique but very small shopping destination but it was in the outskirts of quite a deprived rural town so we had a mixture of all sorts of clientele. The people that we caught shoplifting were always the posh well dressed ones. I would assume maybe the staff have caught her at it before. I bet she won’t do it there again.

She had her open hand bag on the ground, her shopping bag held in her hand. The crisps were in those baskets at her lower leg. She moved against it and the pack of crisps fell out and landed neatly

So it was just resting in her bag?

But she said they were for her kid's snack and she'd forgotten to pay! If she'd genuinely not known the crisps had fallen into her bag she'd not have said this. How many times has something "accidentally" fallen into your shopping bag? It's never happened to me.

Her explanations make no sense and the member of staff was in the queue then left the queue once she'd been caught out. It's far more likely that she's been seen doing this before and he was in the queue to keep an eye on her. DH used to be a plain clothes security guard and had to follow known shoplifters closely to catch them in the act of stealing, without them knowing he worked there.

She was caught trying to shoplift, I have zero sympathy.

I don’t agree, I think she got off lightly. And I’m sorry your medication makes it feasible you can accidentally drop crisps int your bag and then forget them a couple of mins later, in a coffee shop. But it seems highly unlikely here.

Anyone working in retail knows shoplifting is a massive issue at the moment, from the people failing to scan items up to gangs/career thieves coming in a nicking huge amounts of stick or ram raiding shops at night. It’s actually hugely stressful managing and dealing with it all and it often ends up as the manager’s responsibility. So he did the right thing.

Plus I’d add the man joined the queue to see if she paid, so clearly he saw her put them in her bag.

and to add he specially said “the crisps you put in your bag” which means he did see her deliberately do it,

Well exactly; given how problematic it is to actually stop a shoplifter when they do leave the store, calling them out in this way before hand when the ‘accident’ has been observed is really the only option isn’t it? It gives the offender the opportunity to either put the item back or pay if it was a genuine mistake. Or of course lie and obfuscate as this woman seemed to do if they’ve been rumbled.

We all pay for this type of theft - it’s all very well saying large corporations can afford it, but what that actually mean is that they build it into their model and pricing so all of the honest customers pick up the tab

It wasn’t a mistake. Some nicely dressed people shoplift. Some have a sense of entitlement so big that they would steal from a shop to maintain a lifestyle they feel entitled to. Police won’t attend over a bag of crisps so public humiliation is probably the best that the store can do.

Well this is clearly nonsense 😁 thought props for cop car

Really?

It seems quite a big coincidence that something could "fall into your bag" without you noticing and that you could simultaneously forget that you were trying to buy said item and not notice that you no longer have it.

If I was affected by my medication in such a way, I think I would be taking relevant precautions, such as keeping my bag shut at all times so that stuff couldn't magically fall in.

I have adhd and often walk around with my bag hanging open etc. I'm quite scatty and forget things from one minute to the next, but I can't imagine for a moment a scenario in which I could pick up something that I want to buy, that it would accidentally end up in my bag, and that I would have no recollection or knowledge of either fact when it was pointed out.

Funnily enough, things never seem to just "fall into my bag" at all.

I was a floor manager in John Lewis some years ago. Majority of our shoplifters were middle class women, who seemed to do it for a thrill. Lots of them elderly.