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Original poster

Woman passively outed for shoplifting and I did nothing?

578 replies

Juliesdagger · 26/01/2024 00:40

Weird one that’s rolling in my mind as I’m wondering if I should have stepped in ☹️
busy well known coffee shop in a supermarket this morning. As I was queuing, a man in front of me said loudly to the lady paying at the till “don’t forget the crisps you’ve got” as he spoke so loudly it was hard not to then hear the rest - she looked confused and said what crisps? I’m just getting my coffee” and again in a loud voice the man said “the crisps you put in your shopping bag” again the woman looked bemused, looked down at her carrier bag and said oh gosh they must have fallen in when I got my phone” (or similar, I didn’t get the exact words) and took them out to be scanned. She looked a bit upset and I heard her apologising to the barista at the till saying they were for her kid’s snack and she couldn’t believe she’d nearly forgotten to pay for them. The man who had called her out then started scoffing loudly saying “oh yeah, that happens to me allllll the time, things just fall into my bag and I forget about them” and smirking and rolling his eyes, clearly insinuating she had stolen them or tried to. The woman just looked clearly flustered and by this time had paid and she left looking like she was going to cry.

I then to my surprise saw the man leave
the queue (despite him being next in line to order) and head for the staff only door so he must work there! And was only waiting in line to see if she paid at the till for the crisps.

it’s been playing on my mind all day. The woman was clearly upset but I would have been too if I’d Been passively accused like that 🤷‍♀️I know you can’t type cast but she was buying an overpriced coffee and pastry, the crisps couldn’t have cost more
than £0.60 extra 🤷‍♀️and she looked well dressed, a bit flustered but not wonder and really just like your
average mum rushing Round supermarket etc so I guess I’m doubting if she was stealing? And I feel bad I didn’t challenge that It felt unprofessional of this man who clearly worked there to passively accuse her?

or am I being naive and she likely was attention to shoplift for a reason I can’t fathom?

OP posts:
Ghentsummer · 26/01/2024 00:46

Even rich people shoplift, several celebrities have been caught doing it, so I wouldn't go by how she was dressed or the fact she was paying £3 for a coffee. Maybe she has done this before and this time they wanted to catch her in the act, hence following her in the queue?

Her excuses don't tally up. First it was she has no idea about any crisps, then it was they must have somehow fallen in when she got her phone out, and finally it was she always intending to get the crisps as a snack for her child.

And if you really think about it, have you ever had an item the size of a bag of crisps just fall into your handbag with you being completely unaware? I know I haven't.

EdinGirl · 26/01/2024 00:47

Some people get a thrill from stealing, or maybe it was a true accident.

Either way, he was a dick and she should have been quietly pulled to the side if under serious suspicion...

A lot of men really enjoy a bit of public humiliation towards women.

I would have probably said "enough" to him, just to let him know other people in the line don't see him as the big bollocks he thinks he is.

SulkySeagull · 26/01/2024 00:49

She was definitely stealing and he’d seen her do it and called her out.

Original poster
Juliesdagger · 26/01/2024 00:49

Hmmmm true. It is odd now you put it like that…though Even if that was the case it feels a bit off somehow how the man handled it? Wouldn’t that normally be security? It just felt so accusatory in the queue and the woman looked so flustered I felt bad for not intervening I guess.

OP posts:
Original poster
Juliesdagger · 26/01/2024 00:51

I didn’t know people could get a thrill from stealing, i wonder how! and this lady truly did look totally bemused but maybe she’s a good actress?

OP posts:
Meadowfinch · 26/01/2024 00:53

He called her out and gave her the chance to pay for the goods. She's very lucky.

He would have been within his rights to call the police, provide them with cctv evidence and push for her to have a criminal prosecution hanging over her.

Redglitter · 26/01/2024 00:58

I've heard of shoplifters stealing from the poundshop despite having plenty cash & cards in their wallet/purse. They're doing it for the thrills not because they have starving children at home (not that that's an excuse)

He did her a favour calling her put when she could still pay. Sounds like she knew the crisps were there otherwise her story wouldn't have changed like that. Maybe if she was stealing them, this close call will make her think twice

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 26/01/2024 01:00

She was stealing, she knew it.
It doesn't matter if she was willing and able to pay for an over priced coffee and pastry.

H was right to challenge her there and then, for all you know she has been spotted doing it before, however if he is staff I am surprised he went on and on about it after she ' realised ' the £1 (or more ! ) crisps were in her bag.

It is very possible security had asked for a member of staff to join the queue when they saw her on the cctv entering the store/going to the coffee shop.

Mementomorissons · 26/01/2024 01:05

Considering how much obscene profit those big supermarkets have made in the last two years from price gouging purely because they have a monopoly - yeah he was a dick. We've all paid £100s more this year for food this year for no reason, it wasn't worth humiliating a woman for

Mothership4two · 26/01/2024 01:07

I wonder if she is a known (or suspected) serial shoplifter and he was a member of security keeping an eye on her?

NaughtybutNice77 · 26/01/2024 01:09

I'd say on balance she probably was shoplifting even if she was 'well dressed'. She denied knowledge of said crisps then remembered them. If the employee had been deliberately watching her I'd say he had seen her do it. The alternative was to wait until she left the building or ate the crisps and call the Police.
I'm curious. You seem to think you had a social obligation to do something. What would that be?

Kinneddar · 26/01/2024 01:10

Mementomorissons · 26/01/2024 01:05

Considering how much obscene profit those big supermarkets have made in the last two years from price gouging purely because they have a monopoly - yeah he was a dick. We've all paid £100s more this year for food this year for no reason, it wasn't worth humiliating a woman for

So we can all just pop in & help ourselves then?

Maybe she's a well known shoplifter. Better a few minutes humiliation from a member of staff than the humiliation of being walked handcuffed across the shop & getting a criminal record

HollyKnight · 26/01/2024 01:14

Rich people love a freebie too. Of course she was flustered. She didn't expect to get busted and called out on it.

araiwa · 26/01/2024 01:14

She's a thief. Being called out and embarrassed by a member of staff is the most lenient thing that could have happened to her.

Being loaded in to a cop car and social services taking her child would have been more embarrassing

Achillo · 26/01/2024 01:15

People get a thrill from stealing. They don't get a thrill from getting caught though, so she would have been flustered/ ashamed then.
People shoplift for all sorts of reasons, often nothing to do with need. Often it is a form of rebellion or taking control when you don't feel like you have any. That can happen to people of any status, being powerless in a bad situation.
There isn't really much you could have done either way.

MargaretThursday · 26/01/2024 01:17

If he was staff, got in the queue to do this and then left, I'd say she's definitely a known shoplifters and does it regularly.
If she doesn't want to be embarrassed like that she knows what to do.

penjil · 26/01/2024 01:19

Meadowfinch · 26/01/2024 00:53

He called her out and gave her the chance to pay for the goods. She's very lucky.

He would have been within his rights to call the police, provide them with cctv evidence and push for her to have a criminal prosecution hanging over her.

As of that would happen for one packet of crisps!

The police don't even turn up to stabbings and mass brawls these days, let alone gangs or steals trainers, or even supermarket thieves who push full trolleys of shopping out and into a van.

It would hardly get to the prosecution stage, because of the cost of the item.

PillowRest · 26/01/2024 01:21

Meadowfinch · 26/01/2024 00:53

He called her out and gave her the chance to pay for the goods. She's very lucky.

He would have been within his rights to call the police, provide them with cctv evidence and push for her to have a criminal prosecution hanging over her.

There's absolutely no chance of that. Even if she'd stolen a shopping trolley of food police aren't likely to attend before she's left or do anything. And prosecution for some crisps isn't even worth the paperwork nevermind the time and wages. Aside from that, even if police did prosecute for this level of shoplifting that isn't enough for a prosecution, she hadn't left the premises.

whichspidermummy · 26/01/2024 01:27

A woman did something similar on a stall DH and I owned. He hadn't clocked her, but I noticed her picking up lots of things and then realised they'd gone.

I waited till she started to walk away, then confronted her and demanded to see inside her bag when she denied it. She opened it up and there were more items she'd swiped than I'd realised.

Unlike big stores, this was money out of our pockets and denying DD who was little at the time. Theft was a huge problem and hit us hard financially, so even if she felt humiliated, I didn't give a damn.

The men on the stall in front of us said she was a prolific thief.

DH couldn't believe as she looked a respectable little lady in her 60s (approx).

purpleme12 · 26/01/2024 01:43

Twice I've gone out of a shop with an item forgetting to pay! One of those items I actually went into another shop with the item before I realised!
I went back both times when I realised but god this thread makes me glad no one noticed!

BronwenTheBrave · 26/01/2024 01:51

It is all the man’s fault. Bastard.

PaperwhiteTheGhost · 26/01/2024 01:52

He might have been security, or "loss prevention" which is what we called them when i worked in a department store. They often wear plain clothes.

People steal all the time. My sister manages a health food shop, there's a posh woman who comes in there and steals all the time.

Moro93 · 26/01/2024 01:58

I’d say based on her reaction she was stealing. Who knows for what reason.

But he was acting like a dick. He could have taken her aside or got security to pull her up. He wanted to embarrass and publicly shame her. Him still going on about it after she took them out to pay was extremely unprofessional and it sounds like he got off on it.
I wonder if he’d have done the same if it was a man…

Swoopingfantails · 26/01/2024 01:58

My mother once, honestly, had a bar of chocolate fall into her coat pocket. She discovered it when she got home. She was horrified and immediately rushed back to the shop with it. So, it can happen. I myself found myself with a packet of coffee that I didn't put through the till because my toddler somehow sat on it in the trolley. I rushed back in dragging the toddler to pay for it. I suspect though that the fact that the staff member was in the queue means she was a regular shoplifter and she probably did deserve to be called out. Her explanation makes no sense.

Moro93 · 26/01/2024 01:59

BronwenTheBrave · 26/01/2024 01:51

It is all the man’s fault. Bastard.

You’re right, he is a bastard!

She is at fault for stealing, but the way he reacted was unnecessary.