To feel like I’ll never be “middle class”?

[Workinclasshero]

I’m from a working class background - my mum was a receptionist & my dad worked in a factory. Grew up on a council estate and was the first (and only one in my school friend group) to go to uni which always made me feel like a bit of an outsider to some level. My school friends always said I spoke “posh” too!

I now work in the education sector (not the best paid sector) and pretty much all my colleagues are what I would call middle class. Almost all went to private or grammar schools. Their parents were things like journalists, drs and business owners. They have almost all been to Russell group unis (mine wasn’t) and are just from a very different background to me. I have been asked numerous times about where my accent is from (I have the regional accent of the area) despite being from 10 minutes down the road from where I work (and where most of them also grew up and live).

Aibu to think I will always feel like an outsider in this job? Has anyone else experienced this?

Forgot to say that I am beginning to feel self conscious about things like my accent in particular and it’s making me wonder whether to find a new job.

Why do you want to be middle class? Nothing wrong with being working class, which I am too btw. I think you need to care less about what people think you are. Be yourself and if they don't like it they can do one😁

Why not just be proud of your background? Your parents had worthwhile and needed jobs. You have achieved getting a degree and now work in education. You have done brilliant. What has bloody class got to do with it?

Is it the comments on being "posh" from back home but not feeling up to standard to your colleagues that is causing this? Not feeling of belonging either side for one way of putting it. Forget about the nonsense of class and be proud of yourself and your achievements.

With some tweaks this could be me, but I've never felt like an outsider if you mean inferior in any way. When I got to university in the early 70s there were very few working-class students, but that's the way it was.
Throughout my life I've always had moments when I see the social class difference but it's not a big deal.
Anyone looking at my current life would say how middle class it is.

You say outsider, are you treated differently? Or is it your feeling of exclusion?

I get where you're coming from , as someone who would identify as working class, but who would be classified as middle class. Honestly being "middle class" is not worth aspiring to in my opinion. After 20 years of observering the class, they're emotionally repressed social climbers who don't know how to enjoy themselves (*Disclaimer, massive generalisation). Enjoy being you, one foot in either camp is a happy place. Unless of course you're like the family in Saltburn, they're utterly fabulous.

Being an outsider is great. You bring perspective, can shed light on things, see things others don't. Especially in education FGS. If there's anywhere perspective is needed on mobility, it's there. Style it out, use humour, develop a phrase you use for when they say something about your accent. I used to use, with a disingenuous blink "I don't have an accent, you all have accents" or "accent?". Let them clarify.

Gosh, it's strange people can't recognise your accent as being a local one!

I think we all like to feel we belong and I can imagine it's hard not feeling like you fit in with your childhood friends or at uni or now work.

However, you know what? I wouldn't be surprised if your colleagues just find you more interesting because you have a different background to theirs. Being middle class is just label - it doesn't make you a better or worse person. I think people generally value people who have good values, are likeable, can trust, and at work, people who are good at their job.

I think you need to be proud of your background and what you have achieved. You all work in education, so I imagine you all have similar reasons for entering that profession, so I think if I were you I'd try and focus on your similarities not your differences.

Just stay classy - that's the only class that matters. :) xx

As my Mum used to say ' we all shit the same way "

Meaning no one is better than anyone regardless of accent.

Be very proud of your achievements OP.

Why do you want to be middle class? Asking about your accent may just be a conversational thing, I’ve asked people this before, like the standard, where do you live etc.

So you're from a wc background, but clearly have a middle class job. Good on you! There's not as much movement that way as there was historically, although I doubt you stick out as much as you think. It's not that unusual.
I expect you are middle class - with your education and your job I'm sorry there's no going back now, albeit you may well have less money than colleagues earning the same and may take much longer to get a home etc.
Also, your whole analysis is simplistic - working class vs middle class. There's lower middle class, upper working class. I'm from a mc background but still went to a comp, and my parents had state sector jobs, so not at all like what you describe, but still defo mc.
So, I think you are overthinking all of this. I doubt your colleagues are thinking or judging you as much as you assume. Are you a nice person? Are you good at your job? There'll be far more interested in that.

There’s an alternative perspective that says it’s pretty embarrassing for your colleagues to be so ignorant of the world around them that they don’t recognise a local accent.

They probably feel tormented that their parents are impressive individuals and they’ve ended up working in a not-great paying sector that doesn’t even require Russell Group 😆 (tongue in cheek, but the point is - you’re the winner here).

I am definitely proud of my background but you hit the nail on the head. I think it is a case of feeling like I don’t fully fit on ‘one side’ or the other.

My husband gave me a book once. They key message was that you only have so many fucks to give so stop giving them out willy nilly.

Look at the other way, all these people from private schools with professional parents ended up in the same place as you are. Well done you! Who cares about the rest of it.

life to short...

Are they discriminating or rude to you?

My mum was a carer and my dad worked in a factory, brought up in a council house and went to the local comp. I am a medical consultant with a phd and many post grad qualifications. Still have a regional accent and have no desire to change or fit in with a narrow, outdated class system - why should I or you care?

No because everyone has their own life story and I fit in with people for who they are not for what I have stuck them in a box and labelled it

I once had the misfortune to have mix in a circle that very obviously thought I did not belong. I came to enjoy it, like a sport. I kept turning up. All that said, no point in hating going to work everyday. There will be a better fit somewhere. Don't let the (middle class) bastards grind you down. And for God's sake make sure you put rocket on your butties.

I work as a teacher. I am from.a working class background too. I've been teaching nearli 30 yrs. When I first started teaching there was hardly anyone spoke with regional accents- thankfully this has changed. The first time I heard someone who spoke with a strong regional like me was when i was in 6th form. I genuinely thought she was taking the pee. I think it is important pupils see people who talk like them. With age I think comes a can't be bothered attitude. I genuinely fo not care if people are ignorant and judge me. Still consider myself working class. I do not ever aspire to middle class- happy as I am.

Why do you feel you need to align yourself with a certain class?

Just an afterthought post - I remember very "middle class" people at uni, with the type of backgrounds you describe, desperately trying to play that down and pretend they had "working class" backgrounds in a vain attempt to appear more interesting to others!

I think people seem to forget that 'working class' means that you work for a living.
Which is what 'working ' stands for.

Middle class used to mean the man earned in a white collar but highish ranking job eg bank manager and he solely supported his wife , who stayed at home with his children.

If both parents worked then they were working class eg a newsagent married to a nurse.

The classifications now are deemed worthless. But the truth is, if you work to put food on your table and pay your rent you're middle class.
You're not. You're working class.
Most of us are working class.
Precious few are middle class nowadays... a holiday in Santorino with an Audi on the drive with Farrow and Ball paint in your lounge doesn't make you middle class if you can barely afford wrap around care for your kids.

Most of us are working class .

YABU. Before mumsnet I'd never heard of a russle group university. I still don't know what it is and I have zero interest in looking it up.

Why do you know or even care where your colleagues got their degree? Try relating to people for who they are, rather than where they came from. You'll be far more content.

You’re sounding very classist if I’m honest. Be proud of your roots if anything it is more commendable that you came from an underprivileged background to achieve what you have

If people care about what class people are their attitudes need to change, you don’t need to change anything except to stop thinking about it x (I know that’s easy to say but I’m the other side of the fence, was middle class, married into poorer and for years I smiled through comments about how I wouldn’t know about that sort of thing, how I was spoilt when I told them about a holiday we’d been on, even though it turned out they’d gone to a similar place and had stayed in a hotel when we’d camped etc etc). You don’t need to change people’s perceptions and once you laugh it off they’ll have to say nothing and then it won’t even be a thing!! It’s not only about being proud of where you’re from, it’s accepting that it’s got nothing to do with anything except what made you the person you are today!! Be proud and enjoy and encourage your memories and well done! X

@echt Definitely my own feeling. But I have heard conversations about how “rough” the area I’m from is. Never aimed at me because most don’t know that I’m from there.