To feel like I’ll never be “middle class”?

[Workinclasshero]

I’m from a working class background - my mum was a receptionist & my dad worked in a factory. Grew up on a council estate and was the first (and only one in my school friend group) to go to uni which always made me feel like a bit of an outsider to some level. My school friends always said I spoke “posh” too!

I now work in the education sector (not the best paid sector) and pretty much all my colleagues are what I would call middle class. Almost all went to private or grammar schools. Their parents were things like journalists, drs and business owners. They have almost all been to Russell group unis (mine wasn’t) and are just from a very different background to me. I have been asked numerous times about where my accent is from (I have the regional accent of the area) despite being from 10 minutes down the road from where I work (and where most of them also grew up and live).

Aibu to think I will always feel like an outsider in this job? Has anyone else experienced this?

@Workinclasshero why would you want to be?

It sounds like you are putting most of this on yourself really. And you seem to be trying to hide who you are, which is always going to stress you out. Contemplating leaving work seems evidence of that - you are worried about being found out.

But you don't have anything to be ashamed of. You've worked hard to get where you are. You deserve to be there. And I'm sure no one would care where you came from or what uni you went to. If someone says 'x area is pretty rough' you could always just say 'hey! it's not that bad - that's where I'm from'. I'm sure the person who said it would be more embarrassed than you!

There are some lazy stereotypes being trotted out on this thread.

In reality, it’s rare to encounter this sort of class prejudice, particularly in the work place.

Middle classes aren’t one homogeneous group with unique (negative) characteristics.

Eventually you'll realise that your background is your superpower and gives you all your strength. It takes a while but you will get there I promise.

Hmm. But I AM middle class and I find so many middle class people to be tediously dull to the point of it being painful.

It's not a stereotype. It's what I see daily!

Similar experience here: worked at an organisation based locally to me which mostly employed middle class folk who commuted in (except in roles such as cleaners, caretakers etc). Made good friends there but lots of comments about the local area and people being 'rough' and 'shit' (it's just an average area, just very working class), and a few digs about my not having done the same amount of travelling, family ski holidays etc with them. Doesn't make me feel inferior though because I'm far more independent than those commenting, for example I earned my own home without help whereas they all had financial help from parents to buy theirs. Obviously I'd help my children if possible (maybe that makes me a hypocrite but whatever!) but what I mean is, be proud of what you've achieved despite not having the same privileges or opportunities that your colleagues might have had.

Ok but making assumptions about entire sections of society based on your own narrow experience is simply prejudice.

I can see you’re being lighthearted but the class prejudice and stereotyping of classes on MN always astounds me.

It wouldn’t be acceptable if we were discussing age, race, sexual orientation or any other section of the population.

I think if op could lose some of her own hang ups and misconceptions about classes she might realise her “class” is not the reason she struggles to feel accepted.

So I don't see a whole bunch of middle class mothers wadding to school in their matching cut off sleeping bags (sorry coats), their matching haircuts...

... Ok if you say so.

@RedToothBrush to be fair, my kids school is v working class and the mums at the school gates are just as homogeneous. People want to fit in with the people around them, it's not a class thing. Also, they are just as tediously dull as you describe MC mums lol.

the ‘type’ of “middle class” we’re talking about here don’t fit in with each other let alone anyone else. I know because I was raised in that world but do not fit in because I don’t fit the (overly confident arrogant) mould. So the best thing to recognise is that the ringleaders types look down on you, yes…because they look down on everyone. And the nice ones don’t feel like they truly fit in because of the aforementioned ringleader types making them feel like outsiders (however subtly).

someone else said these people are often very uptight and afraid to show emotion and I do find that to be the case. Even if individually they’re lovely, group think encourages fitting it = playing it cool.

honestly though it’s the same in any social circle - some are dicks and some aren’t.

OP maybe you could use this opportunity to really commit to feeling proud of yourself and confident no matter who you’re around. It’s so hard, I find, but im trying. No one can tear you down without your permission, and you should always only ever think kindly of yourself.

My dad was a lorry driver, my mam a cleaner... I'm a senior leader in a primary school. I've always been quite well spoken in comparison to the rest of my family but am proud of my background and feel I can fully relate to all parents of the children in school.. I also have a good rapport with all members of staff from the cleaners, the caretaker, the ceo of the trust.. people are just people at the end of the day 🤷‍♀️

Only a middle class person would ask Why would you want to be middle class?
..Conveniently ignoring the enormous advantages and privileges that provides..
and focusing on a generalised assumption that the MC are dull, tedious and miserable. 😂

Its a bit like a rich person spouting that Money can’t buy happiness.
Come back to me when you’re poor and can’t throw money at your problems.

I was wondering that - something like 7% of the population were privately educated, but 100% of the other teachers in your school were? And they are so posh they don’t recognise a local accent? Seems a bit odd to me.

Maybe just change jobs (not careers) if you do feel you fit in well at that school.

Whereas working class people are such genuine, salt of the earth, simple little people, right? That is usually the other half of that thought.

Along with descriptions of dukes in battered Volvos liking nothing better than hanging out with the local working class people, because they are so much better than those ghastly middle class people.

It’s absolute nonsense, and gets trotted out on all of these threads.

I guess I'm from a working class background - mum a nurse and dad a school teacher.

If people had to label me as per what I do, lifestyle etc they would probably say middle class. But who cares? I don't notice class amongst work colleagues, friends and acquaintances. It's probably how you see yourself but really, no one is bothered.

Threads like these make me very grateful I don't live in the UK! Honestly, why do people care about stuff like this?

We place too much on class in this country, not helped by having a royal family and earls and Lords etc. so we will always have a class system unless we get rid of that.

Because social class still, depressingly, makes a difference to all kinds of things, like educational opportunities, health, likely life expectancy etc.

Op I kind of know where you are coming from. We didn't have an awful lot growing up, dad worked when he could be bothered an we were on benefits, mum worked when we got a bit older but manual jobs for minimum wage.
I did go to grammar school (church run so no fees) and I did go to a Russell group university (didn't know at the time, never heard of it until recently) which I got a bursary for and fees paid because of my parents low income and I do have a good job now, but I've never had anything behind me if that makes sense.

I felt like the poor kid at school and was quiet and just did my own thing, no self confidence and to be honest I still feel like that, no confidence in myself.

To me it's more of an attitude towards yourself for people who have grown up in better off families, being more confident and comfortable in their own skin and self assured . Or maybe that's just me who doubts myself constantly 🙈

I’m probably from a lower middle class background and joined a profession where most are upper middle class. I went to state school and my parents were born to working class families. In my first job, all my colleagues were from private schools and ate supper instead of tea.

I found when I worked there, I felt out of place and like I didn’t fit in, in much the same way you describe, OP. I moved north and found that those I was working with were much more mixed and I fitted in better.

The same may not be true for you, of course, regarding north and south but I do wonder whether you might be able to change areas and find a group you fit in with better. I can understand the discomfort. I really felt like I was starting to lose part of myself when all around me were so different and I couldn’t relate to them at all.

Definitely not just you. My children went to an international school overseas and there was a massive difference in expectations about what could be achieved and what I had thought likely and possible growing up. The youngsters there expected to be pilots and film directors and seemed to have no doubts that they would get there.

At my state school, the expectations were to work in banks or maybe go to college. I told my year teacher what I wanted to do and she sarcastically said “Oh, aim for the very top, Prion,” as if I was wasting my time.

Boris Johnson and his cohorts grew up expecting they would lead the country. There are a few people who break the mould, but your upbringing and contacts have a massive impact on your confidence and relatedly where you are likely to end up.

It illustrates why would you want to conform full stop tbh ...

No it illustrates that in reality people don’t conform to the ridiculous class stereotypes peddled on here;

I can totally understand where you’re coming from. My closest childhood friend felt very much as you do (we both went to a selective private girls school).

What I would say is turn it on its head. You are someone who has advanced on the basis of genuine merit. That should always give you an in built confidence.

I come from a solid middle class background such as the one you are describing and I have felt all my life that I probably benefited unfairly from this advantage. I’m not stupid and I work hard but I am pretty average at most things and I often think if my dad hadn’t been affluent and successful I would have achieved far less. This has dogged my confidence all my life. You may not see this as an outsider but a lot of middle class people are dogged by private self doubt.

Your superficial class “disadvantage” is actually a massive advantage if you frame it correctly and harness it. You know deep down that you have achieved whatever you have achieved because of your own intelligence, application and hard graft. Yes you may lack some cultural capital and connections (and yes those are important). But fundamentally at some level you should know you are, frankly, better than a lot of these people.

I had a very “humble” upbringing. My dad was a sometimes working alcoholic and my mum was a cleaner/waitress/whatever to get the money in

one of my first bosses told me that I was a “state school success” and insisted that achieving what I had was far harder, due to my background, than if I’d gone to private school.

Stop feeling inferior and look at the obstacles that you’ve overcome as positives. Marvel at your resilience and grit.