To feel like I’ll never be “middle class”?

[Workinclasshero]

I’m from a working class background - my mum was a receptionist & my dad worked in a factory. Grew up on a council estate and was the first (and only one in my school friend group) to go to uni which always made me feel like a bit of an outsider to some level. My school friends always said I spoke “posh” too!

I now work in the education sector (not the best paid sector) and pretty much all my colleagues are what I would call middle class. Almost all went to private or grammar schools. Their parents were things like journalists, drs and business owners. They have almost all been to Russell group unis (mine wasn’t) and are just from a very different background to me. I have been asked numerous times about where my accent is from (I have the regional accent of the area) despite being from 10 minutes down the road from where I work (and where most of them also grew up and live).

Aibu to think I will always feel like an outsider in this job? Has anyone else experienced this?

To give up your job is a really extreme/irrational course of action and a really disproportionate response.

Really kindly.... yabvu and this is a problem in your mind.

What is and isn't MC is super nebulus anyway....

Do you have self esteem issues in general?? Is therapy an option?
CBT might be useful to help challenge these "unusual" beliefs/ perceptions you have about yourself & the "MC crew"...

Fun fact: I went to a "Russell group" uni
I had no clue I HAD even gone to one until I was about 30?!?! As had never heard of it 😵‍💫😵‍💫

Is it rough though? Are the kids from that specific part generally those with parents who don't value education? Are there sofas and old mattresses in the front gardens?
If so, it's true. If it is not rough then challenge them.

You’re working class and that won’t change.

whether or not you’re an outsider is down to you, I doubt anyone really cares about your class except you.

Be beyond class, OP. Obviously, carry your proud working class background with you, with the unique insight and class analysis this affords you ‐but please do not be encumbered or defined by the perceptions of 'class markers'. You are so much more that this.
As an immigrant from a working class background, I find this easy peasy. Embody and transcend.

Wouldn’t life be boring if we were all the same! Same backgrounds, same accents? What would we talk about?
Having aspirations is great but changing who you are is sad.

Yes I feel like this too. Funnily enough my younger siblings don’t. I think it’s because I had a lot of middle class friends who lived in posh houses so I was always comparing. Whereas they had lots of friends on the same council estates.

Despite going to uni, getting married, having a decent job, owning own home etc it’s hard to shift that feeling and I wouldn’t consider myself middle class now.

Unless you work with a bunch of insufferable snobs, fitting in with colleagues depends on personality, shared values, interests and work ethics rather than the archaic notion of class.

Identifying with a social class doesn’t define you or your friends.

Where do you work? In education? Some of your colleagues sound awful- ignorant of the local area, regional accents and judgemental about “rough” areas and the people that live there.
Id be rolling my eyes and trying not to fit in with that shit.

You are an outsider in this context and always will be.

I am probably perceived as middle class but I don’t think it matters.

What would make me cringe the most is middle class people trying to be seen as working class or working class adopting things they think make them seem more middle class. People should be happy in their own skin and not worried about ‘classes’ were possible. The most attractive thing about someone is confidence in who they are. No pretending

People forget that wealth takes generations. As you said, your middle class colleagues have parents that worked hard for them to be just that. It’s all life circumstance.

You have a decision to make, work hard/smart or whatever, learn from the people that you want to “be more like” - but not because you want to “move up” a class, but because you are curious and because you want to invest in yourself.

I know plenty of working class people that have changed their lives by starting a business or making friends in a certain industry and climbing up - completely changing the trajectory of their future generations (if they can keep the wealth).

I agree with everyone else telling you to just be proud of who you are. It’s different, but who cares. You should own it.

What is wrong with being working class? I am working class and proud of how hard my ancestors worked. Your problem is that you are trying to be something you are not, be yourself and be proud of who you are. There is no bigger wanker than the sort of person who adopts airs and graces to try and ‘better’ themselves. Everyone sees through it.

I might show some interest in what friends or colleagues’ parents occupations are but it wouldn’t go any further than that.
I wouldn’t be particularly impressed or view them as superior in some way?

I really wouldn’t give a hoot what university they attended- I don’t think I’ve ever asked a colleague or judged them on this criteria.

You need to realise there’s nothing shameful about working class roots and anyone identifying as middle class isn’t a “better” person.

I find it quite sad that you’ve always felt like an outsider, even as a child.

Maybe look into Imposter Syndrome and see if you identify with that?
There’s something a bit skewed in your way of thinking- your opinion of yourself (and your assumptions of how others view you) and it might help to challenge that x

You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder about class.
Your need to fit in and your accent.
I think the problem is with your own perception of how you want things to be.

I’m with you OP - working class roots - middle class lifestyle, always feel a bit lacking. Watched a film last night and remembered all the good things from my wc family- they’re nothing wrong with us - be proud of where you’re from. If you’re from a loving family you’ve won!

I never get the obsession with class on MN - weird, rarely hear it mentioned other than here.
Having said, that - I've definitely lost my Essex accent, and am probably regarded by many as middle class.

You sound like you have a chip on your shoulder

I agree. You haven’t painted your colleagues in the best light- there’s an undercurrent here- the way you bristled when someone mentioned your accent, your annoyance at someone describing the area as “rough”, some examples of your middle class colleagues’ ignorance of the area and lots of references to their privilege.

You seem to have some preconceived opinions about “middle class” people as a homogeneous group, and a victim complex about being working class - as if it’s inevitable you won’t “fit in”.

Some of this might stem from being teased when you were younger and told you had a “posh” accent. Your peers viewed being “posh” as a negative characteristic and maybe that’s stayed with you.

I've literally never even considered it. You are who you are, don't waste your time worrying about nonsense

What even is “middle class” now anyway and do people even care? When I look around at school gates or others outside of my direct social circle at people who might be deemed “working class” they all have nice cars, the latest tech, expensive clothes etc.

I'm not sure really sure what my background is!! My parents both worked manual jobs, my mum had two jobs one of which would probably be deemed MC? My grandfather was a farmer who owned a substantial amount of land. My other grandad was a postman/postmaster.

They owned their own home which my housing estate reared husband reckoned put us into the MC bracket. I went to a grammar school and a Russell group uni, way before Russell group was a thing.

Both of us are uni educated, me to MSc level, and work in professional roles, own our house etc. Three children did lots of activities, two are graduates, one still a student.

I have a distinctive accent which in spite of living away for 40 years, is still apparent if less pronounced.

I don't think about it really. It just is. I don't really care. I don't think about people that way

I'm not sure it matters that much any more. Except on MN!

I find it frustrating how much people attach to accents. I am well spoken and am constantly disappointing people with the fact I didn’t go to private school or a fancy university. My dad was a Vicar and I grew up in the south east so just grew up with the expectation of being well spoken but sadly not with any wealth or middle class lifestyle.

I now live in an area where most people have a strong regional accent ( which I love and my children have). I have people tease me about my accent and make assumptions about my income and wealth. It’s so strange that people attach so much to it. They are usually disappointed when they visit my scruffy house in a fairly rough neighbourhood.

I have had people call me snobby and posh based purely on accent. There’s nothing I can do about it. I have just pursued and tried to be my authentic self. It’s mostly worked out and people get over your accent .

Since when have working class people been the exception in teaching?

People trot out this line like it’s some kind of ‘Gotcha’, but it’s nonsense. Of course you’re not ‘working class’ purely because you work for a living, regardless of what you do. You can’t equate the class status of a minimum-wage unskilled manual worker who left education at 15 and who’s struggling financially with that of a QC, architect, or a consultant psychiatrist. Other than that they all have jobs.

Yeah I’m not buying this “working class hero” being treated like an alien by all their snobby middle class colleagues in an educational setting?.

Its not something I ever encountered working in education.

Is it an elite private school? Eton or something?

This may come accross nasty, but I don't mean it to.

Maybe just learn to love yourself and accept who you are.

I'm middle class. But I'm still an outsider. And I'm happy with that.

One thing I observe about being middle class is this drive for blandness and conformity. It's this doing the same thing day in day out, wearing the same (often rather frumpy) clothes everyday from the same shops with the same haircuts, and saying all the right things to keep up appears.

And so many of them are clearly bored with life or clearly as miserable as sin.

Why do you want to join that club rather than just be yourself?